Friday, April 30, 2010

The Prime Ministerial "Debates"

So, the Prime Ministerial debates are over. Gone in an instant, consigned to the history books. And they will probably be more interesting as historical artifacts/anecdotes than they were to watch on prime time TV.

Of course, the debates were promoted as an awesome achievement for British democracy, mainly by people who presumably have never seen a US Presidential debate. Because had they done so, they would have known that the vast majority of what happens in a Presidential debate is boring. The famous moments - Nixon sweating, Ford putting his foot in his mouth, Reagan patronising his opponents etc - are the exception, not the rule. Want to know why there was so much fuss about that bulge in Bush's jacket in 2004? Well, it was because the rest of the debate was boring. Presidential debates consist of boring men in a boring room being boring. And the UK Prime Ministerial debates perfectly replicated that.

I've watched two of the debates, and despite there being less than 24 hours since I saw the last one, I really couldn't tell you anything that happened in them. It isn't just a case of not being able to remember the highlights; I can't remember the low points either. I can't remember anything. Mainly because the debates were so judderingly boring.

On reflection, I've only got two things I want to say about the Prime Ministerial yawn-a-thons. Firstly, the debates were simply a question of how effectively expectations were managed before the debates actually took place. We know that Gordon Brown is pretty much shit at everything, so the fact that he managed not to soil himself, berate an old lady or call one of his opponents a "cunt" meant he did ok in the debates. Sure, he lost each and everyone of them, but he didn't so as badly as might have been expected. Cameron struggled not because he did badly, but because almost by default he was seen prior to the debates as the best debater. He had to win each debate; anything less would be a disappointment. And the only reason why Clegg's performances have been so roundly praised is because prior to the debates, few people knew who he was and those that did questioned whether he actually had the power of speech. It is easy to do well in a political debate when you have said nothing at all before. Just opening your mouth and forming a word represents a giant step forward.

Secondly, it was extremely telling that so much of the basis of the debate was already assumed and agreed. Take climate change - the leaders discussed who had the best plan to combat climate change, but not for one second did any one of the men vying to be Prime Minister query the extent of climate change or the dubious science behind it. Likewise, with the EU, the parties argued over who would best manage our relationship with the EU - it was all predicated on the unspoken assumption that we stay in that Union. And with taxation - the leaders yapped on about whose tax credits would best enrich the ordinary person, but there was no debate about whether the overall level of taxation in this country is appropriate. This wasn't a political debate; it was technocrats debating over minor tinkering with the existing system. Don't believe Cameron, Brown or Clegg when they talk about change; these debates have shown that they want nothing more than the maintenance of the status quo.

In some respects, I think it would have been better to have the leaders of the minor parties in on the debates as well. With the likes of UKIP, the Greens and perhaps even the BNP debating as well, then the leaders of the main parties would have been more challenged, and perhaps forced out of their cosy consensus. Their fundamental assumptions would have been more challenged by those who sit on the outside of the political mainstream. It would have made the debates more lively, more controversial, more interesting and more political. It certainly wouldn't have made them into the tedious exercise in mediocrity that we've had to endure this time around.

Labels: , , , , ,

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Brown and the Bigoted Woman

Ok, we've all been there. We've had a difficult conversation with someone, and then we've said something about them and been overheard when we thought we were out of earshot. And that's what basically happened to Brown today. He was caught out.

And you know what? He was sort of right. The woman was arguably bigoted in some of her opinions. And Brown has a right to express his opinion about her. So why does this matter? Why, given all the things that Brown has done wrong in his time in politics, will this probably be the thing that kills his career once and for all?

Because he said it behind her back. He revealed himself, once again, to be a coward.

He's allowed to disagree with the woman, and he's allowed to think that she is bigoted. But offering a few platitudes before he runs back to his car and disappears is frankly pathetic. If he disagreed with her, he should have challenged her. He should have explained why he thought she was wrong, and debated with her. He is a leader in a democracy fighting an election, for fuck's sake. Now more than ever, he should be willing to engage with the people explain his own views, and discuss why he doesn't agree with others.

Don't forget that this is Gordon Brown - the self-styled conviction politician. Some fucking conviction politician, Gordo, if you are afraid to engage with an old woman who used to be a member of your party when she expresses her own opinions, and asks you questions.

As such, it is difficult to know how this could be much worse for Brown. Arguably, things would have been better had he insulted this woman to her face, or argued with her and lost. At least that way, he might have retained something approaching dignity from this sorry situation. But as it stands, Brown could not appear more pathetic - the bullying little man who runs away from old ladies, only to insult them behind their backs when he thinks they, and the rest of the nation, aren't listening.

Gordon Brown: absolutely pathetic.

Labels: , , , ,

Gordon Brown Meets His Public (Part II)



Further evidence - as if any was needed - of the basic misanthropy of the Prime Minister and why any campaign strategy that has him exposed to people and their views is destined to be disastrous.

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Hating Cameron for the Wrong Reasons

Ah, here's an example of a politician's message getting through to a member of the public:

And what a erudite and witty response from the member of the public in question. Almost rapier like in its clever, razor sharp wit.

There is something in this message, as wonderfully crude and crass as it clearly is, that bothers me. It is the fact that Cameron is being rejected not for any of the rational reasons - his inability to truly commit to anything, his PR obsession, the stupid look on his stupid fucking face - but rather for his background. And he can't help his background. His background can't be helped.

And as such, this poster is just plain bigoted. Don't believe me? Well, imagine if this was an advert for a working class MP. Imagine if the graffiti on it was against a working class MP and it said something like "Fuck off back down the mines". Or if the graffiti was on the poster of a candidate from an ethnic minority, and said "Fuck off back to Africa". There would be huge outrage about the ignorance of the graffiti. Well, truth be told, the graffiti on the poster above is just as ignorant as those other two options.

Of course, you can argue that this represents the opinions of one person; and, given the message has been awkwardly painted on a poster, a not particularly bright or articulate person either. This is just one person... yet it is a person responding to so much of the anti-Cameron rhetoric from the Labour party. The relentlessly promoted idea that Cameron is somehow incapable of being Prime Minister because he happened to go to Eton. The resurrection of class warfare by a desperate party unable to do anything other than attack and campaign negatively. The demand for Cameron to fuck off back to Eton can be traced straight back to Gordon Brown's line about the playing fields of Eton - and the shameful, nonsensical idea in a liberal democracy that some people from some backgrounds are not suitable to hold public office.

Hate Cameron as much as you like; but hate him for what he is, which is something he can control, rather than for where he came from, which is something that he - like everyone else in this world - cannot help.

Labels: , ,

Monday, April 26, 2010

Labour's Election Communication

Ooooo, looky, "Election Communication" just popped through my letter box. From the Labour candidate - some idiot who goes by the name of Chris Leslie. I know very little about Chris - despite having just read his leaflet - other than the fact that he has a wife and a kid. And that he is backed by Sarah Brown. No, really, there is an endorsement from Mrs Brown. Next to a picture of the Prime Minister's wife looking faintly surprised and upset by the camera thrust in her face, the endorsement reads:
Chris Leslie will be a great champion for Nottingham. He will work hard for our city and for our country.
Which would be great if I had an iota of respect for the startled looking woman in the photo. Unfortunately, her bland, platitudinous endorsement of Leslie is criminally undermined by the fact that Sarah Brown is a terrible judge of character. If you want proof, just look at the terrible cunt that she married.

But Chris Leslie wants to know what I think. Well, sort of. Because he's asked for some thoughts on the back of his worthless leaflet. Under the heading I want to hear from you he wants people to tick the option that applies to them. The options are:
I'd like to talk to Chris Leslie. Please contact me.

Yes, I'll be voting Labour. Count me in!

Yes, I'd like a poster.

I would like a lift to the polling station on election day.

I'd like to get involved in Chris' local campaign.
Unfortunately, the most relevant option for me - that I would rather immolate myself than vote Labour and also wish that Chris Leslie's future, at best, contains a particularly virulent urinary infection - sadly isn't mentioned on his leaflet. But such is life. I guess it just means that I don't get to return his crappy form to his campaign HQ. Which appears to be in the UNISON building....

Labels: , , , , ,

Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Absolute Incompetence of Our Government

It is difficult to know who pissed me off the most when I was trapped in Japan: the airline, who were total cunts; the people who sold us the bus tickets, who underestimated the duration of the journey by 24 hours; the Danes on the bus who showed themselves to be complete and total selfish wankers; hell, there is no shortage of potential candidates. But I think the people who pissed me off the most were the British government.

Don't get me wrong, I had minimal interactions with the government while I was away. The only things I did was to have a brief conversation with the British embassy in Japan, and then ignore the advice on offer from the government via the media. But the government's behaviour during the course of this crisis has been both shameful and utterly incompetent. Put very simply, the government do not give a flying fuck about its own citizens.

Let's look at the evidence. Initially, as this arsing volcano began to pump disruptive ash into the sky, the government acted quickly - by closing British air space. But they never seemed to stop and consider what this would mean for British people who were trapped abroad. In fact, the government was so apathetic towards those who couldn't get home that all the embassies closed over the weekend. People were trapped abroad, living in airports, with no real way of reaching the government that is supposed to represent them and their interests.

It might not sound like much - having to stay in an airport - but then you have to factor in that many people in those airports did not have the money to pay to eat. Or wash. People also had limited medication for conditions like epilepsy, diabetes and asthma. The longer people have to stay in an airport, the more likely it is that people would get ill. And possibly very ill. But the government didn't seem to do anything until Monday/Tuesday. They didn't seem to stop and think of the implications of people being stranded. They really did not seem to care.

But in the end they did seem to come up with a plan. They told everyone to go to Spain, where they would be rescued by the Navy. Of course, those with no money couldn't afford to travel to Spain, and for those in countries like, say, Japan, there is no direct flight to Spain. But it turned out to be irrelevant anyway, because the government had no intention of getting the Navy out to Spain. CNN was reporting on Wednesday evening that the government instead was busing people, fifty at a time, to Calais.

And then the plan changed again. Everyone now had to get themselves to Calais. Where they... could wait for a ferry. And from the stories I was getting on Thursday, that could be a long wait. Stories were circulating of duvets and blankets being handed out in Calais, because there was no way of getting the sheer number of people needing to get back in reasonable time. The government fucked the people who got to Spain, and who got to Calais. And it also created chaos in both Northern Spain and Calais, by offering advice without thinking about what impact that advice would have. It shafted those stranded abroad and in doing so, it shafted France and Spain. A magnificently shitty piece of work from a government who have come to almost define incompetence.

Thomas Hobbes said that the only reason why we should give power to a sovereign/government is if that sovereign/government can guarantee our security. The government over the past week has shown just how little it cared for the security and the well-being of a great many of its citizens stranded abroad. Now Hobbes was quite clear on what should happen if a sovereign/government ceased to look after its people - it should be replaced. So let's remember this government's cack-handed and indifferent treatment of those people stranded abroad by a natural disaster, and let's work together to ensure that this piss awful government is replaced once and for all.

Labels: , ,

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Doctor Who: The Time of Angels

Snapshots from a frankly awesome episode of Doctor Who:

The Doctor
"Yes, you're right. I am Mr Grumpy Face today."
Matt Smith's Doctor has been great so far, but it is in this episode that his true character starts to come through. And he is an old/young Doctor. On the one hand, he is wise, and old, and dismissive of those who would waste his time. On the other hand, he is a bundle of energy, an awkward child of a man making things up as he goes along and hoping that it all turns out for the best. Smith is perfect as the Doctor - he is simultaneously powerful and powerless. Just as the Doctor should be.
"Anyone in this room who isn't scared is a moron."
Plus he's not that fond of authority. And if you had to define Doctor Who in a nutshell - or at least successful Doctor Who - then it should aspire to scare everyone in the room. Or at least leave them unsettled. And The Time of Angels did this. So, so, so well.
"This trap has got a great big mistake in it."
A perfect cliff-hanger. The Doctor and his friends are cornered, but the Doctor has a plan. Possibly a reckless, stupid plan, but he has a plan. And you want to know what it is? Well, you're going to have to wait. For a week, at least...

Amy
"Look at my hand. It's stone."
Amy Pond has had a good run in the TARDIS thus far. She's been crucial to the Eleventh Doctor's victories thus far. And she challenges the Doctor; in this episode, over his relationship with River Song. And Amy defeats a Weeping Angel. Except... she looked into its eyes. And there is something wrong. There is a Weeping Angel in her mind. The most self-possessed of companions is being menaced mentally by some of the most formidable enemies faced by the Doctor. Talk about raising the stakes of the story...
"I'm not that clingy."
Amy respects the Doctor, but unlike other recent companions, she doesn't love him. She also knows that he has to survive. She is in awe of him, but not over-awed by him. I don't know where the Amy story arc is going, but I am pretty sure that it is going to be original and ground-breaking journey.

River Song
"Sweetie."
Are the Doctor and River Song married? Will they be in the future? Who exactly is she? It is wonderful to see the Doctor - and particularly a Doctor as arrogant and sure of himself as this one - unsure of someone, because they know more about him - and them - than he does. Besides, River Song has an interesting past. As she tells the Bishop:
"I have no intention of going back to prison."
The Weeping Angels

The Weeping Angels are splendid monsters. They are moving statues, who stalk you when you close your eyes. And we all close our eyes a lot. But now... now they have more powers.
"The Angel killed me too..."
They make the dead talk.
"They are Angels. All of them."
They can change their appearance - all the talk about two heads, which seemed to be just padding, was actually an awesome twist. But finally:
"That which holds the image of an Angel becomes itself an Angel."
The Angel emerging from the video recording is the stuff that horror movies are made of. In particular, The Ring. But the implications of this are awe-inspiring. After all, what have we all been watching other than the image of an Angel? The genius of this statement is that the image, the very TV programme we have been watching, could become an Angel. If that isn't an idea to get kids scuttling behind the sofa, then I don't know what is.

This was a spell-binding episode of Doctor Who; one that people will be talking about, and remembering, for a long, long time. We are in a golden age of Doctor Who; let's hope it continues for as long as possible.

Labels: , ,

Getting home from Japan

So, my wife and I spent our honeymoon in Japan. If you haven't been then you should seriously consider doing so - it is a fantastic country. Of course, it is a long flight there, but that's nothing to worry about. Assuming, of course, that there isn't some sort of bastard volcano in bastard Iceland. If there is, then you're largely fucked.

Which is precisely the situation we found ourselves in when we went to the airport to fly back last Sunday.

Of course, most airlines helped in some way. And our one was no exception. They gave us a premium rate number to call to rebook the cancelled flight, and a couple of sleeping bags. And that was it. On ringing the premium rate number, we found that we could get on a waiting list of around 200 people or wait until mid-May to get a guaranteed flight. It became very clear very quickly that our airline was going to be as much use as syphilis - irritating, pointless, and something to get the hell away from.

So we were on our own. We were in, relative to the UK, a very remote part of the world, trapped in the frigging airport. With dwindling cash reserves and nowhere to sleep, backed up by an insurance company that had suddenly become deeply Christian given the talk of the volcano being an "act of God". If we were going to get back anytime before my birthday (May 4th, fact fans) and therefore keep our jobs then we needed to find another airline to get us back. Or at least to get us as far as they could given the ash cloud hovering over Europe.

Which, it turns out, was Istanbul.

So we flew there on Monday, having got extremely costly standby seats. It was good to have travelled two thirds of the way home. The problem, of course, lay in the third of the way home still to go. We couldn't fly, what with Europe still existing in the invisible shadow of the ash cloud. We couldn't get a train, unless we wanted to wait for five days in order to board one. So there was only one option open to us. The bus. Which, the collection of random, lying salesmen told us, would only take 24 hours.

And thus, in the early hours of Tuesday morning, we set off for Germany. We went through Turkey (it was dark, so I have no idea what the country was like, other than noting that the border guard was a wanker), Bulgaria (such a poor country), Romania (beautiful countryside), Hungary (night again, and I'm pretty sick of looking out of a bus window by the time we got to that country), Austria (fuck me, when is this coach ride ever going to end?) and finally Germany (oh Jesus, oh please Jesus, let me get off this fucking bus). And then, 48 hours after we set off (and having endured a failed attempt by Danish tourists to turn the bus into their own personal taxi), we arrived in Dusseldorf. At 2am. Fortunately, we found a hotel very easily, and managed to get 2 hours sleep. And wash. I don't know whether anyone reading this has ever spent 48 hours on a bus, but by the time you get to your destination, you really need to wash.

The next morning we left Germany on another bus (the trains were still full) and passed into Belgium. We reached the North coast, where an overnight ferry took us to Hull. Actually, the ferry was quite pleasant - if only because there was food, sleep, and the chance to relax for the first time in days. From Hull, it was just a short train journey - well, three hours, but that's nothing after having been on the road for about six days - home.

The flight home was meant to last for 12 hours. It took us six days - twelve times that amount of time - to actually get home.

There are some people who tell us that we were part of history, or that we had an adventure or some sort of extended holiday. They are all right in some ways, but they miss the most important point. Namely that spending six days and a fuck load of cash getting home just isn't fun, no matter how people try to spin it. We weren't alone in the massive inconvenience and stress caused by this volcano, but that doesn't make the long journey home any easier to stomach.

Labels: , ,

Friday, April 23, 2010

Doctor Who: Victory of the Daleks*

Have you ever tried to do too much at once? You probably know the scenario - you've got a load of good ideas, and you want to implement them all right here, right now. So you do. But when you come to review what you've done, you realise that none of it quite worked the way you both thought and hoped it would, because you just tried to do too much at once.

This scenario perfectly encapsulates Victory of the Daleks.

On paper, this story should be epic. It has Daleks. And they change their appearance (they almost, in a sense, regenerate). And the Daleks win. They actually win. Plus there's Winston Churchill. And World War Two. And hints of what is to come from the rest of the series! Hurrah!

But when you see the results on screen... well, they don't quite work.

The Daleks probably are the real stars of this particular tale. But you know what? They are at their most interesting at the beginning of the story, when they are pretending to be the allies of the British. Once they reveal their true (dayglo) colours, they become less interesting. And yes, they change their appearance. But the previous design of the Daleks - the one from the RTD era - was a work of absolute genius. It made the Daleks look sturdy and formidable. However, this redesign makes they look a little too sturdy. In truth, the Daleks now look fat. And Daleks shouldn't look fat. Plus, their new colours don't really work. I mean, can you really take a Dalek seriously when it looks as yellow as a daffodil? I can't.

Of course, the Daleks win in this story. They get what they want. Yet it doesn't seem to have the power it should, partly because winning in this story simply means the Daleks run away, and the Doctor isn't as devastated by their victory as he should be. And somehow, it devalues the whole story to have it just becoming a trap for the Doctor in order to extract one sentence from him. Plus, the whole piece ends up feeling like an elongated attempt to reboot the Daleks so they can crop up in future adventures. By all means make the Daleks formidable again - something that worked so well in Dalek. But the story has to be something more than just a way of making the Daleks look different.

And Winston Churchill... Quite why he hasn't been in Doctor Who before now is beyond me. He is such a natural choice for inclusion in the series. Which makes it a bit of a shame that he was played by Ian McNiece, who does a passable Churchill impression but appears to have been picked for the role mainly based on his ample girth. I swear to God that when Churchill was on screen I didn't so much notice what he was doing or saying, but rather just watched the wobbling of McNiece's huge double chin. Seriously, the way it moved was positively hypnotic.

Then we have the hints of what is to come. Yes, there are cracks appearing in each story - but with the exception of The Eleventh Hour, they don't fit in with the overall story and instead are crudely tacked on at the end. It is a bit like having a character intone "Bad Wolf" at the end of each episode of the 2005 series. And the idea that Amy Pond is unable to remember the Dalek invasion of earth is intriguing, but is undermined by the fact that the Doctor forgets about it as soon as he's noticed it. A story arc needs to be carefully woven into the fabric of a tale, rather than crudely grafted on like the chest unit on a Cyberman.

But enough with the complaints. There was much to enjoy in this story. Matt Smith remains outstanding as the Doctor - which is no mean feat as he had to spend much of this episode just standing and reacting to the also largely static Daleks. And Amy Pond was given much to do, even saving the world through her ability to empathise more effectively than the Doctor. Indeed, her interplay with the mercurial Eleventh Doctor is proving to be a highlight of the show. I particularly like the way he refers to her as "Pond" all the time - it is a refreshing change from the more touchy-feely Tenth Doctor.

Ultimately, this story may be best seen as a warning sign of the potential dangers of the Moffat era. Some stories within the RTD era felt like they were scenarios in search of a real plot; however, the Moffat era may have exactly the opposite problem: a struggle to rein in the scope and the depth of the stories it wishes to explore. Victory of the Daleks felt like a six part, old-school Doctor Who story shoe-horned into a 45 minute slot. A writer as talented as Moffat can get away with this - he can juggle numerous plot elements and still make the story work as a whole. However, other writers - even talented ones like Gatiss - may struggle with doing the same. Sometimes less is more; certainly, fewer plot elements within Victory of the Daleks would have made the whole thing far more credible and enjoyable.

*I promised this review would appear on Monday. Sorry, it is late - something caused by having to scrabble desperately to get away from Narita Airport, which was increasingly becoming a refugee camp for stranded Europeans.

Labels: , ,

Back in the UK

Regular readers will have noted a distinct lack of activity on this blog for nearly a week. The reason is simple - that fucking volcanic eruption in Iceland meant that my wife and I were trapped in Japan for a couple of days, and have spent the rest of the time fighting to get back to the UK in a epic journey across Europe. They'll be more on this later - probably a lot more. But first I'm going to enjoy the feeling of not having to travel anywhere for a little bit.

But getting across Europe was expensive - very expensive, and we're considerably out of pocket. So if anyone is feeling generous, please do click on the donate button in the sidebar and give anything you can to help rebuild our shattered finances.

Ta muchly.

Labels: , ,

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Running The World - Jarvis Cocker



The sentiments maybe a little left-wing for some, but the chorus alone makes this into a genuine anthem. And, I suspect, regardless of what happens on May 6th, this song will be as true then as it is now.

Labels: , , ,

Friday, April 16, 2010

Tomb of the Cybermen



If you ever want to know (and God knows why you would) why I love Doctor Who, both old as well as new, then check out this clip. Despite some fraying around the edges of the production values, this is a visually effective story. Plus - crucially - it is a great story as well. And the final words, before the end credits kick in, are iconic. And should be the stuff of legend.* As sad as it sounds, the calm yet disconcerting words send shivers up my spine.

*They should also be the words on the lips of every Nu Labour politician. Actually, scratch that, it is what all Nu Labour politicians do say.

Labels: ,

Thursday, April 15, 2010

How to cope with rejection



A comedy classic from the makers of Black Books. A great example of ranting that contains one of my favourite insults - "piss midget".

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Quote of the Day

If I had to lay bets, my bet would be that everything is going to go to hell, but, you know, what else have we got except hope?

Labels: ,

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Mongoloid - Devo



Wonderfully politically incorrect and surprisingly catchy. Enjoy!

Labels: ,

Monday, April 12, 2010

My Authoritarian MP

According to Liberal Democrat Voice, my MP is just about as authoritarian as he could possibly be. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He is a Labour MP after all.

Fortunately, he's standing down. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Labels: , , , ,

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Well, I'm off for a week to Japan, on a very belated honeymoon. Rest assured, though, loyal reader(s) - there will still be occasional posts appearing on this blog. Mainly using the medium of YouTube. But don't expect there to be anything too topical; I won't be updating this blog even if something exciting does happen in the world. In fact, I'm sort of hopeful that I won't even get to hear about it until I get back.

When I do return, rest assured that I will be dealing with the most important issues of the day. Namely, a review of the Doctor Who episode Victory of the Daleks...

Labels: , , ,

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Quote of the Day

Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they're sure trying to do so, it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I've tried to deal with them.

Labels: , ,

Doctor Who: The Beast Below

The Eleventh Hour saw the Eleventh Doctor hit the ground running. Did the series manage to keep it up with The Beast Below? The answer to that question has to be "hell, yeah!"

This was a great story, and one that was rendered extremely well. The plot had a point to it - it was going somewhere. It had twists and turns, and it also managed to be scary. I mean, seriously scary. The opening scene with the elevator and the moment that Amy met the tentacle in the tent - awesome. And the Smilers... in the event, they were rather easily despatched by the Queen, but they looked unsettling, even when they were smiling. And if I was a kid, I would now have a fear of elevators, construction tents and those weird fairground booths that the Smilers represented. Which is good. Which is great. Because Doctor Who should scare kids. It is what it does at its best.

And Smith as the Doctor... well, he's pretty much erased any memory of Tennant. He has occupied the role of the Doctor so, so, so well. His mix of awkwardness and arrogance works is extremely effective, and his sudden switch to anger at all around him added the edge of unpredictability to the character that was missing through much of the David Tennant era. And there is a certain magic to the Eleventh Doctor; especially in that scene where he tells Amy that they can only be observers, only to go and start interfering with events in the very next moment.

Furthermore, this episode dealt with a whole host of concepts. Voting, democracy, dark secrets within the state, the idea that whole societies have been built on the suffering of others, and the role of a constitutional monarchy on a democracy - all these were at the heart of this episode. And some of those are very adult ideas and concepts for a family show... which is good. Which is as it should be. Doctor Who at its best isn't just about adventure; the adventure can have a meaning too. The genius of an episode like The Beast Below is that the messages are subtly communicated, rather than shoehorned into the plot as has happened so often to the show's stories in the past.

In fact, I can't really think of any way in which this episode can have been improved. Possibly there was a little too much going on at points, and some of the themes could have been explored in a little more detail. But I'd far rather there was too much going on in a plot than too little. Too much means people end up thinking; too little, and they're reaching for the TV remote.

A new golden age for Doctor Who? On the evidence of these first two episode, I rather think it might be... not least because next week sees the Doctor and Amy meeting Winston Churchill and his secret weapon to win World War Two; the Daleks!

Labels: , ,

The England First Party

The England First Party: who they, I hear you say? Well, they’re basically like the BNP. But with “England First” rather than “British National” in their name. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s take a look:
1. Stop all further immigration and start a programme of voluntary repatriation of non-European immigrants back to their lands of ancestral origin.
Pure BNP, here. Just textbook racism. Stop immigration, and send the immigrants back home. As with the BNP, I look forward to those classed as “non-European immigrants" asking for their voluntary repatriation back to the land ancestral origin… to… England.
2. The formation of an independent England, with an English Parliament, in a federal British Isles.
Uh-huh. Jumping on the English Question bandwagon. Which would be more impressive if your first policy wasn’t pure BNP.
3. The return of Capital punishment for Murders, Paedophiles and treason.
A-ha! Playing to the bigots Sun readers! Great stuff. Next thing you know, the EFP will be calling for the return of Corporal Punishment. Oh, wait…
4. The Restoration of Corporal punishment for serious violent offenders, persistent burglars, sex pests and drug dealers.
How kinky! Those sex pests will probably love it. Some of them, anyway.
5. Withdrawal from the morally and financially corrupt European Union. We can trade with Europe fine, but England is and should remain an independent nation.
Uh-huh. Just like other, saner (relatively speaking) parties offer.
6. The abolition of all non-European faiths and religions along with the removal of all their mosques and temples.
Surely they’ll all go when you’ve “voluntarily repatriated” everyone? Oh wait, no, because you’d have to get rid of Christianity as well. Because it is a religion that came from the Middle East. Not Europe. Still, I look forward to a return to forms of Celtic worship.
7. An end to all forms of animal cruelty, including the barbaric Semetic and Islamic methods of killing animals, animal experimentation and battery farming.
I love it! They even managed to present an end to animal cruelty in a slightly racist way!
8. The teaching of the traditional English and European history in our schools.
Uh-huh. I thought this history was taught in our schools anyway. Unless, of course, we mean the teaching of biased history that aggrandises the role of Europe and, in particular, the UK sorry, sorry, England. Actually, what I am talking about? That’s exactly what they mean.
9. The teaching of healthy moral values including full support for the traditional family unit.
Healthy moral values… what a euphemism! Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what that means? Of course, it will be the sort of mindless reactionary biopolitics that makes Iain Duncan Smith, social conservative extraordinaire look like a polymorphous pervert.
9. The withdrawal of funding to and the closure of all anti-English politically correct quangos – including the BBC. Profits from National Lottery money should be spent on our people for the benefit of our people – not politically correct causes.
By definition, though, Mr and Mrs EFP, you are offering a worldview that is politically correct. You have a view of politics that you believe to be correct; ergo, you have an idea of a particular kind of political correctness. So by definition, state sponsored charities would only be able to spend money on stuff you don’t agree with. Oh, wait, I’m getting confused about stuff. I’ve spent too long dealing with your moronic policies; being simplistic and moronic is starting to rub off.
10. Pensioners who have worked all their lives for the good of this country should continue to receive free bus transport, as well as free rail transport, and would be freed from the burden of having to pay council tax, gas and electricity bills. They would not and should not want for anything. The money would be found by cancelling all grants and funds paid to those organisations whose existence is detrimental to the physical and spiritual well being of our society.
Ooo, spiritual well-being. I just love the connotations conjured up by that wonderful phrase. Y’know, the Spanish Inquisition used to look after the spiritual well-being of Spain. I wonder whether the EFP would be up for something similar for the UK?

What am I saying? Of course they wouldn’t! They would want something similar just for England!

Bunch of wankers.

Labels: , , , , ,

Friday, April 09, 2010

David Cameron: Class Warrior?

Johann Hari reckons that it isn't Gordon Brown who's after fighting a class war; but, rather, one David Cameron. Yep, with the sort of rhetoric and political insight that would be more befitting of someone like Wolfie Smith, Hari seems to think that Cameron is an evil rich man, determined to steal from the poor and give to the rich.

The article is, of course, packed full of crass gems. I'd just like to take apart a couple of examples that seem to highlight the stupidity of Hari's assertions. Let's start with this one:
The problem isn't Cameron's extreme privilege – it is that he has never tried to see beyond it. He keeps accidentally revealing how warped his view of Britain is, and how little of it he understands. For example, Cameron said in an interview: "The papers keep writing that [my wife, Samantha] comes from a very blue-blooded background", but "she is actually very unconventional. She went to a day school."

Read that sentence again. Now imagine how Britain looks from inside David Cameron's head, where the 97 per cent of us who went to day schools are "very unconventional". (In the Bullingdon Club, he called George Osborne "oik", because he had gone to the £20,000-a-year St Pauls, not the £30,000-a-year Eton.) This points to a wider mindset. The group he considers "conventional" and "normal" are the only people he has ever really mixed with, and they are the people he chooses to staff his office with today – very rich people. Is it any surprise he makes policies that serve them, not us?
I'm not entirely sure how Cameron's perceptions of his wife's schooling - which ended years ago - is relevant in any way, shape or form to his potential success or otherwise as a Prime Minister. It certainly isn't proof positive that he has never tried to look beyond his admittedly privileged upbringing. And as a head's up, for someone truly "blue-blooded", it would be odd if they did go to a day school.

I'm also pretty sure that we shouldn't make a judgment about whether Cameron is able to empathise with the way in which the rest of the people in the UK live (who are themselves not a homogenous group of people with identical experiences that are diametrically opposed to those of Cameron, contrary to what Hari seems to think) based on a quip he made at university as part of a club that gleefully and childishly relishes elitism. It would be like dismissing a Labour politician for having a teenage flirtation with Marxism.

As for Cameron making policies to benefit the rich people with whom he has such a connection, well, I'd have to disagree on that as well. Cameron - whenever he decides to actually commit to anything - tends to focus on populist politics. Or, to put it another way, politics that bows to popular opinion. His background is clearly and consistently dominated and overpowered by his desire to win an election and become a Prime Minister. Cameron is trying to create neutral policies that either appeal to, or at least don't offend, the majority of people in this country. Not to kowtow to those who share a similar background to him.

This whole idea that a rich man like Cameron cannot empathise with those beyond their own social background is blatant nonsense. You only have to look at, say, Franklin Roosevelt to see that "rich" people can act on the interests of the "poor" and/or the "middle classes". Hari's crude idea that the rich lack any sort of empathy is as crass as it ignorant. Someone's background - be it ethnic, regional or financial - does not mean that they cannot understand those who don't share similar backgrounds. To believe so is to be almost the definition of bigoted. It also is to misinterpret representation - the truth is that in order for someone to represent you, they don't have to be exactly like you. In a world made up of individuals, such a misinterpretation utterly destroys the concept of representative democracy.
The truth is plain, and it is provable. David Cameron's policies will take money from the hard-working majority of Brits, and hand it to his friends and relatives on landed estates and in tax havens. He is not on your side; he is on the side of a tiny clique who have every luxury in life and now bray for even more. Cameron bragged to his supporters last month: "Nothing and no one can stop us." It's up to the majority who will lose out if he become PM to say – oh yeah?
And here we have the essence of the problem that I have with Hari's argument - that Cameron will be taking money away from hard-working Brits (as an aside, when did the left-wing get so populist and nationalist?) and giving it to the rich. Because if Cameron does get round to giving tax breaks to the rich, it won't come from the normal people. No, he will be taking from the state and giving to the rich. By all means criticise Cameron for only giving money back from the state to the rich; but don't pretend that he is taking it from the poor or from normal hard-working Brits. There is a big difference between the people and the state; to assert otherwise is utterly deceitful. Hari makes a point that he has been better off since Labour came to power. Well, he'd have been even more better off if the Labour government had not tried to redistribute income and had instead enabled itself to make tax cuts by rolling back the parameters of the state. The problem with Cameron isn't so much that he is willing to cut taxes for the wealthy, but rather that he isn't willing to commit to tax cuts for all. That doesn't make him so much of a class warrior as a tentative politician afraid of committing to something that isn't in mainstream political discourse.

The ironic fact is that the only true class warrior who emerges from Hari's article is Hari himself, as he is the one who is prepared to dismiss people based purely on their social background.

Labels: , , , ,

Cameron, Caine and National Service

Even Jackart reckons the Tory National Citizen Service scheme is more that a little bit crap. Trying to save the Nation’s youth is a worthwhile enterprise – however, if your solution is a glorified summer camp where the state gets free work from the youth, you’re going to end up looking like a bit of a dickhead. Particularly if you’re promoting your proposal with an old actor whose only exposure to the problems facing youth today is a recent role in a shit movie.

But that’s not stopping Cameron. No, he’s a-gonna save the youth regardless of details like practicality:
Mr Cameron added that the aim was to give young people more shape and purpose in their lives.

"Show me a gang taking drugs and I'll show you a group of people who have nothing to look forward to," he said. "The problem is their lives lack shape."
And Sir Harry Brown Michael Caine is giving his backing to this plan:
Sir Michael said it would help youngsters "forgotten in this country".

"There is a very, very hardcore of [young] people we have really got to save," he added.
Thanks for that, Alfred, but I think we’ve heard enough – back off to the Batcave with you.

Now, this proposal is clearly flawed, but in fairness Cameron seems to be stressing that he has sought, and then acted on, advice:
He admitted that his initial proposal for the citizen service scheme was for it to be compulsory, "but youth leaders told me that would have been the kiss of death".
Well, I’m glad that youth leaders saw sense, but I am slightly concerned that they seem to have a better grasp on reality that the Leader of Opposition and possible next Prime Minister.
So instead, while the scheme will be available to every 16-year-old in the UK, it will be voluntary.
And here we hit yet another problem. Not only is there something extremely distasteful about the idea of the state getting free work from the youth, and something very concerning about the massive funding gap at the heart of this project, but as soon as you make this voluntary then you aren’t going to be getting to those junkie yoofs that so concern the man who was once Harry Palmer to join up. Seriously, those wayward and difficult young people aren’t going to be the sort of people who rush to volunteer themselves for government service, are they? The kids who will end up doing this service will be the preppy fucks who do the DofE award and other voluntary work already.

This scheme really is the very definition of pointless. Get a grip, Cameron. At the moment your photo opportunity with an actor who is well past his prime is making you look pretty dumb - and far too willing to embrace the sort of meaningless, wasteful, ill-thought-out policies that have become so symptomatic of the Nu Labour years.

Labels: , , , , ,

The Daily Mash has some sage campaigning advice for the Tories:
Pundits say the election contest will be the closest and most hard fought since 1992, unless the Tories abandon their existing strategy and just put up thousands of posters everywhere saying 'Ed Balls'.
Warning voters about the dangers of another five years of Ed Balls. Yes, that would probably galvanise large swathes of the electorate to flock towards the Tories...

Labels: , ,

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Gordon Brown Meets His Public



A pitch perfect example of what Brown means when he wants to meet the people - he wants to meet the people who agree with him, and no-one else. If you even present him with a challenging question, he will literally flee.

Utterly pathetic.

Labels: , ,

Brown and Constitutional Reform

Where’s the beef? Oh, looky, it’s here – Brown’s going to win the election by his revolutionary proposals for constitutional reform:
Gordon Brown has said he will introduce fixed-term parliaments and a referendum on reforming the UK's voting system if Labour are re-elected on 6 May.
Well, I would like to see fixed term parliaments and electoral reform. However, I’ve got to be honest, the country is currently sliding into the dustbin of history. And tinkering with our unwritten constitution is not going to stop that slide.

Furthermore, any proposal for reform from Brown can be rebuffed with the comment why the fuck haven’t you done this before? When you’ve been Prime Minister for three years, and at the heart of government since 1997, you’ve had plenty of opportunities to introduce constitutional reform. It all sounds a little hollow when it becomes a priority after such a long time in power.

Plus, as I say, I favour some forms of constitutional reform. Which is precisely why I don’t want Brown doing it. Because he would fuck it up. Just as he has fucked up just about everything else he has ever tried to do in his stupid fucking life.

And finally, what is Brown thinking by starting his desperate, and hopefully futile, attempt to cling to power election campaign with this sort of policy talk? Constitutional reform is boring – it is dull, and it won’t ignite the electorate or particularly inspire his followers.

But, in a weird sort of way, it sums up Brown perfectly. Uninspired, and with no idea of how to connect with the people he now so desperately needs.

Labels: , , , ,

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Social Conservatism of the Tories

Interesting comparison here on how the representatives of the main parties have voted on LGBT issues. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Labour and the Lib Dems have been far more open to LGBT issues than the Tories. By a jarringly high margin.

This is the big problem I have with the Tories, and with those who state that the Tories are the naturally Libertarian party in this country. Put very simply, they are not. Sure, they may be more economically liberal that the Labour party, but when it comes down to social issues, history shows them to be deeply conservative. Ultimately, they want to preserve freedom... for the sort of people and families they judge to be "normal". The middle-class families with 2.4 children based in Middle England; those are the ones that the Tories - in practice - fight to conserve the freedom of. And for all of Cameron's rhetoric about them becoming the progressive party, I have yet to see any real or meaningful evidence that they have changed from this innate - and nauseating - predilection for social conservatism.

And this is why any real Libertarian should struggle with the idea of voting Tory. They are just as suspicious of freedom as the Labour party. It is just that the Labour party prefer to restrict your economic freedom, while the Tories want you to be just as socially conservative as the blue rinse brigade who have been their core support for so many years.

Labour or Tory? For a Libertarian, the very definition of Morton's Fork.

Labels: , , , , ,

A benefit to the election

Regular readers will know that I'm not looking towards the coming General Election with the sort of barely contained excitement seen in some of my fellow bloggers. Nonetheless, I have managed to find the silver lining to the cloud that is blanket coverage of what promises to a bland race. Yes, the dissolution of Parliament means that not all of Nu Labour's tax rises can be forced through before the election:
The government has dropped plans for a 10% tax rise on cider following fierce opposition to the move.

Ministers were forced to rescind the increase, announced in the Budget, as part of efforts to get laws passed after the general election was called.

With Parliament dissolving on 12 April, a broadband tax and an electoral reform referendum have also been dropped.
Magic. I might raise a pint of decent cider later today as I surf the internet to toast these small areas where Nu Labour hasn't been able to get its own tax-focussed, statist agenda forced onto the statute books.

Labels: , , ,

Stalin's Facebook Group

Here's a Facebook Group that one might hope is being ironic (albeit it in a very twisted way) - yup, here you can become a fan of Stalin.

It is difficult to tell, though, whether this group is actually meant to be a postmodern joke (and a joke in very bad taste) rather than genuine. However, a couple of Marxist associates have joined the group so if it is a joke, they don't seem to be getting it.

But it is worth emphasising just how offensive this group is. Imagine the outcry if there was a group where you could become a fan of Hitler. Well, Stalin was just as bad as Hitler. The fact is that Stalin was a brutal, mass-murdering anti-semite - just like Hitler. Stalinism was a hideous, dehumaninsing totalitarian regime - just like Nazism.

Stalin was a monster. He was one of the twentieth century's most nightmarish figures. He certainly isn't the best punchline to an ironic group, and there is no way in which anyone with even an iota of intelligence should want to become a fan of him.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Yes, I'm very aware that the General Election has (finally) been called by the Prime Minister. But I've been away for Easter, and am really struggling to care. I'm sure that will change once the party leaders start opening their mouths and allowing the shite to spew forth, but for the meantime, the best I can muster in relation to this "news" is a weary shrug before sloping off to bed.

Labels: , ,

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Getting to the True Meaning of Easter

Labels: , , ,

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Doctor Who: The Eleventh Hour

So, there was a lot riding on The Eleventh Hour. A new Doctor, a new chief writer, a new companion. In fact, the biggest change since 2005, when the series came back with another new lead actor. Who had a big nose. And a slightly dismissive attitude. A bit like Matt Smith...

But did it work? Yes. Yes it did. It worked. And then some. It was confident - hyper-confident, without ever becoming too much. It was a story, a production, that knew where it was going and why. Yes, you could tell it was written by a fan. But it was written by fan with a talent for writing, and a story worth telling. It was also a story that had been properly thought through, and was more that just an introductory story for a new Doctor and a new companion. Some moments of it even had the decency to be thoroughly unsettling - not least the crack in the wall and the inability of Prisoner Zero to speak through the right mouth. It was clever, and quirky, and at times a bit scary. Just what it should be.

And Matt Smith. My word, there's someone who has taken on a daunting challenge and grasped it with both hands so he could then run with it. It is a telling realisation, but he owned the Doctor from the moment the story began - to the extent where David Tennant (remember him?) was not missed for one second. And Amy Pond is an inspired companion - someone who has known the Doctor for years, and as a result is obsessed by him but not quite in awe of him. Her older self introduces herself by smashing him in the face with a cricket bat before handcuffing him to a radiator. Very different to the likes of Rose Tyler and Martha Jones...

Of course, there were downsides - not least the CGI. Don't do CGI unless you have to, and if you have to, then make sure that it is convincing. And the new arrangement of the theme tune... well, it's a bit pants. There was no need for the old arrangement to go. If it ain't broke...

But, overall, a relief. A blessed relief. Moffat, Smith, Gillan - they all seem to know what they are doing, and have taken to the series like ducks to water. A wonderfully confident to start to what - fingers crossed - should be a great new era for Doctor Who.

Labels: , ,

Doctor Who: The Eleventh Hour. BBC 1, 6:20pm this evening. You'll get nothing more from me until it has finished transmission...

Labels: ,

Friday, April 02, 2010

Happy Good Friday

Labels: ,

Thursday, April 01, 2010

A book definitely not worth buying

Some things should be April Fools Day jokes, buy sadly aren't. Like this story: the release of the collected speeches of one Gordon Brown:
Now, just in time for Easter and indeed for Fathers’ Day, a collection of all these moments and many more are available to own in a single weighty volume. Today, Gordon Brown’s greatest hits arrives in bookshops up and down the country.

The Change We Choose; Speeches 2007-2009 contains the Prime Minister’s most exciting speeches from the past three years.
The phrase Jesus fucking Christ springs to mind. Gordon Brown's most exciting speeches from the past three years. Literally no examples of anything exciting emerging from the sack of crap that is Gordon Brown spring to mind. Plus, he is shit - really shit - at public speaking. And I'm not alone in that opinion:
At Politicos, the publishing house, an employee was temporarily lost for words. “How grizzly,” he said at last. Collected speeches of Churchill and Aneurin Bevan still sell in great volumes and in great volume, but he was not sure there was a market for Mr Brown.

“I suppose it would be great for insomniacs,” he ventured.

Asked to fit Mr Brown within the pantheon of Parliamentary orators, Brian Jenner, head of the UK Speech Writers Guild, said he was “up there with John Major".
"Great for insomniacs"; yes. And those suffering from deep depression with no desire to recover. But aside from that, the market must be - shall we say - limited for such a release. So why, in the name of everything both holy and unholy, is this bag of shite hitting the bookshelves?
In Downing Street, a spokesman for the orator himself said the book was being released by popular demand. “A number of people have been asking him over time for collections of his speeches,” he said. “I hope it will appeal to people from across society, from the average punter in a bookshop to academics and political observers.”
Really? Popular demand? Who from? The clinically insane? I mean, not even a Labour party activist would want this book anymore, not as Brown's star fades away into nothingness. If you want to read a speech by a real orator from the Labour party, then read something by Bevan, or Wilson, or Foot. Don't touch Brown's speeches with a ten-foot barge-pole.

I am simultaneously an average punter in a bookshop, academic and political observer and I think I speak for those in all three categories when I say I would never want to read the collected speeches of Prime Minister Brown, let alone pay to read the fucking things.

Labels: , , ,

Labservative

Another day, another Facebook group. But this time it is one I get behind wholeheartedly. See, it is supporting the party that has been in power for the past 65 years - Labservative. The summary is as follows:
We are Labservative and we stand for more of the same. We've been at Number 10 for 65 years and we're not going anywhere. We know we can rely on your vote - not that we need it.
You know what? They'll probably bloody well win the election and all.

And before any tedious Tories or lacklustre Labourites start belly-aching, it is a joke. A joke. The only reason why it is so funny is because, from some angles, it has more than a ring of truth to it. You can talk about "voting change" as much as you like - the problem is that the change on offer by the three two main parties simply isn't radical enough to deal with the problems facing the UK or to inspire many of the voters in this country.

Labels: , , , , ,