Rebranding

You know what?

Fuck 'em.

Fuck the fucking fucks who are in charge of the Tory Party. I have had enough. Fuck 'em. I didn't vote for Cameron, and thought he was a bad idea as party leader. But I never realised he would be this bad. I never realised he would sell the soul of the party for a cheap headline over and over and over again. And I never thought that the likes of Hague would join the crappy Cameron revolution, but it turns out I was really wrong. Really very wrong. The entire Conservative leadership has dropped everything and started panting like a teenage boy on heat at the first glimpse of the pussy lips of electoral success.

They have forgotten the key principle of being a conviction politician - that there is no point in winning if you have forgotten the reasons why you wanted to win power in the first place.

I have no idea what the Tory party stands for anymore, but they sure as fuck do not stand for what I believe in.

So fuck the fucking lot of 'em.

And I know what this is - a disgruntled (now ex) Tory throwing his toys out of the pram in a petty, foot-stomping tantrum . This will mean nothing to Cameron et al. I am not important in the grand scheme of things, but it is telling that someone who would get up early on Saturdays to go canvassing for the Howard led Conservative Party is leaving less than a year after Cameron won the leadership.

Of course, things may change in the future and if the party remembers it is the party of the Centre Right (as opposed to the left of Tony Blair) and drags itself away from the non-policies of Tony Blair (sorry, sorry, David Cameron - amazing how easy it is to confuse those two, isn't it?) then I will go back. I will buy my membership back, and I will campaign for them. But as it stands I probably could not bring myself to vote for the Tories if there was an election held tomorrow.

But this leaves me with a far more pressing problem. I cannot call myself The Nameless Tory anymore - not when I am despairing of the Tory Party. So for now, I am The Nameless One. Crappy I know - it sounds like a curious mix of a deeply pretentious philosopher and a Doctor Who monster. But I can't think of anything better, and it will be easier to change back on the glorious day when Cameron is exposed as the political whore he undeniably is and the Tory Party elects a Conservative as party leader.

However, if anyone can think of a better name, let me know. Because I wanted to name myself after what I am - disillusioned and bored - but sadly that is already taken...

The Dignity Test

So Gordon Brown's son has cystic fibrosis.

I may not like the man at all but this is clearly tragic news for him and his family. So no cheap joke, no inappropriate comments. Not this time.

But there is something else I would add. Fraser has a serious disease, one that will affect him and his family deeply. Brown has a choice - what I would call the Dignity Test. Brown can let his son lead as normal life as a boy can when his father is second in line to the New Labour throne and when he has cystic fibrosis. Gordon can let his son live quietly, and support him through his illness. Or he can milk the illness, and fail the Dignity Test. You will know if he goes for the latter - because suddenly he will be talking about how he values the NHS because they looked after his son, about how he knows how other parents with disabled and/or chronically ill children feel, because his son is ill too. And you will see him visiting hospitals with Fraser in tow, an example of how he feels their pain through his off-spring. You might be thinking that no politician would ever stoop so low, but in these post Blair times I am not so sure.

I am hoping Brown passes the Dignity Test, and proves himself to be a better man than currently think he is. Fraser deserves to live life as something other than a political football, a cheap punchline or comment at Prime Minister's Question Time. And our nation's politics deserves better as well. Brown, show us there is some dignity left in British Politics and do right by your son at the same time.

Other Stuff...

...indirectly connected with The Appalling Strangeness:

The Moai has updated The Daily Mail Tendency with another excellent piece on the ignorance of the nation's favourite hate rag.

And I am now working on a non-political blog called Notes From A Drunken Evening with a user who is new to the blogosphere. The blog will pretty much do what it says on the tin - jabber on about the stupid, surreal and funny things that happen when two adults abdicate all responsibility for their behaviour and just get twatted on stupidly large amounts of alcohol.

Enjoy. Or not as the case may be.

How to really ruin Christmas

The Moai has been doing his Christmas shopping.

Amazing the shit you can find online, isn't it?

The Case for Re-Nationalisation

From the Moai:

There are not many industries that function better when nationalised, but here in the UK we have one screaming example.

The total amount paid each year by passengers has doubled to £4.5 billion since privatisation a decade ago.

This is obscene. The railways are a functional monopoly. Most people who use them have little choice. The operators, aware that their franchises are finite, are bleeding their monopoly white. You suffer.

Subsidy has also soared to record levels, with the taxpayer contributing more than £6 billion this year, four times what British Rail received.

We are now paying more than we ever did under BR, and more and more middlemen are cashing in. We are subsidising private industry to the tune of eight figures. *YOU* are subsidising private wealth.

"London to Manchester: cost of a Virgin standard open return:£219"

I could buy a car on eBay for cheaper than that and drive it. I can fly for far cheaper than that.

Britain's railways must be renationalised. Rolling stock and infrastructure must be brought under the control of one entity, run not-for-profit.

No other issue impacts upon so many policy areas. Rail transport reduces CO2 output. Rail transport can move freight efficiently, freeing up road space taken up by trucks and reducing logistics costs for hard goods businesses. Timely, efficient trains move goods and people where they need to be, facilitating business and personal interaction. Timely, comfortable commuting adds immeasurably to workers' wellbeing and state of mind. Small rail lines keep small communities connected to the outside world, thereby propping up the house prices of commuters who choose to live in such places, reducing inner city overcrowding and the need for more housing stock.

If Tony Blair is to do one thing with his dying time in government, he must do this. This obscene profiteering, this endless, daily misery, must be ended. This nettle MUST be grasped. NOW.

I apologise for the relative incoherency of this post, but I find this issue so staggering obvious, and government's reluctance to address it, so mindboggling that I have a hard time dealing with it, with clarity."

The Nameless Tory:

Of course, this pre-supposes that Blair would actually do something that could be seen as vaguely left wing. Still, if he is going to spend the next few months swiging around vainly looking for a legacy other than the Iraq mess, this could be a good way of getting into the history books...

Picture the scene: CCHQ...

“David “Call me Dave” Cameron sits at a meeting of his elite Shadow Cabinet - ie Francis Maude, Tory Party Chairman (sorry, person) and Cheerleader in Chief, and George Osborne, Shadow Chancellor and Cameron’s Chief Bitch. They are planning and analysing Tory Party Strategy. Such as it is.

“So, Francis, my old chum,” said David, smiling smugly to himself, “How did Greg Clark’s announcement about Churchill and Ms Toynbee go?”

“Well,” said Francis, wincing slightly, “It is both good and bad news. The good news is that Ms Toynbee seems to be pleased with the announcement. The bad news is that there are one or two highly pissed off people. And some evidence that there are mass defections to UKIP.”

“So, the good news outweighs the bad then, what?” asked Dave, still smiling smugly.

“Well, no, not really. You may have won Ms Toynbee’s vote, but the chances are that she will still vote for Brown. And in trying to win her vote, you may well have lost thousands of other core votes.”

“Hmmm,” said Dave, as thoughtfully as anyone who has worked in marketing can, “We need to have some sort of definite gesture… policy, if you will, to show our commitment to eradicating poverty.”

Francis choked on his tea, a little drip of it coming through his nose.

“What, really? You want to announce a policy? Really?” In his head, Francis began repeating the phrase “thank you Jesus” over and over again.

Dave jumped to his feet and rushed over to the well used flip chart in the corner. He clicked the top of a pen and began to frantically write on the flip chart.

“So, so, let’s brainstorm… what… what constitutes a *policy*?” he asked, looking into the middle distance and thinking frantically. Francis was about to speak, but Dave interrupted him. “Crivens! I’ve got it! Let’s run an ad campaign!”

Francis rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Let’s run an ad campaign!”

Francis spoke through clenched teeth.

“David, an ad campaign does not constitute a policy.”

“Don’t be silly, old bean, of course it does,” beamed the smiling, ex-marketing fuckwit. “There is nothing more decisive than an ad campaign. Now, let us have an ad campaign that addresses the causes of poverty. Now, when I was poor, how did that happen?”

Francis looked at Dave startled.

“I’m sorry, what? Say that again?”

“When I was poor, how did that happen?”

“Dave, when have you ever been poor?”

“Oh there was a time at school when I could afford anything at the tuck shop!”

Francis resisted the temptation to get up and punch Cameron in his jowly face.

“David, not being able to afford a penny sweet when you were at school is not being poverty stricken.”

“On don’t be a silly, of course it is! Poverty is relative now!”

“Oh, yes, sorry, Dave, I forgot that you had abandoned one of the central beliefs of the Conservative party for no real reason.”

“It is alright, Francis, could happen to anyone,” muttered George. Dave shot him an angry glance, and George had to fight the temptation to burst into tears.

“So, how did I get myself into a terrible tizzy whereby I could not afford any tuck? I know! I spent too much money on jazz mags for the boys in the dorm!”

“Ok, so your ad campaign is going to focus on the dangers of buying too many wank mags?” sighed Francis.

“No, no, no… let us make it broader than that. A campaign focussed on the danger of overspending!” A vacant look drifted across Cameron’s puffy face. “Now, when I was overspending and got myself in that awful predicament, it was like this inner beast took over. So, let us personify this inner beast… let us give court some controversy - let us give us the inner beast a really rude name!”

Francis looked at Dave and for some reason the word “motherfucker” sprung to mind.

“I know!” shouted Dave suddenly, his shrill nasal whine piercing the awkward silence of the room. “Let us call the inner beast the inner tosser. Brilliant, what?”

Francis resisted the temptation to reply in the negative. He scribbled the word tosser on his legal pad, and started doodling idly next to it.

“Now, now, how do we personify this inner tosser? I know! He should look like David Dickinson! He looks like a tosser! Now, lets him get to play the tosser!”

“That might not happen,” said Francis wearily.

“Why not?” snapped Cameron.

“It may be difficult to sell the idea to Dickinson of appearing in an advert based on the fact that you think he is a tosser.” Fearing Dave was about to launch into another tantrum, Francis launched on. “But, of course, we can have someone who looks like Dickinson – orange tan, bad suit etc.”

“Spiffing!” shouted Dave, throwing his pen in the air and failing utterly to catch it. “I want the ads everywhere! A massive, national – no, international – campaign, warning of the dangers of listening to your inner tosser and spending too much money.”

“Erm,” said the quiet voice of the painfully shy George, “There may be a problem.

In spite of being a grown man with a highly important job George was still dressed in his school uniform. And was still Dave’s fag. And Dave turned on him, enraged, barking angrily:

“Yes boy? What is it?”

George looked terrified, but managed to stutter a reply.

“Well… well… erm… the problem it… we’ve over spent… we have no money… we are over £30 million in debt…”

“And?” growled Dave fiercely.

Boy George let out a little sob, and Francis decided it was time to intervene.

“I think what Georgie is trying to say is that the reception might not be good if we launch a campaign warning people about debt at the same time as we announce that we are millions of pounds in debt.”

Dave frowned.

“What do you mean by ‘the reception might not be good?’”

“Well, I would imagine there would be headlines pointing out our utter hypocrisy.”

Francis winced as he saw Dave’s eyes light up at the word “headlines”. Dave darted across the room to where a tatty bit of A4 hung on the wall with the words “It’s the headlines, stupid!” scrawled in Cameron’s illegible hand-writing.

“Excellent! Top hole, what!” He beamed. “If it gets us headlines, we go for it! Any publicity is good publicity!”

“Even if it shows us to be complete and total tossers?” asked Francis, losing the will to live.

“Of course! Right, we are agreed, we are going with the campaign. Jeeves – sorry, I mean George - grab my books and get the car ready to follow behind my bike. I’m off to pose with the wee nipper.”

Dave strode towards to door as George grabbed both his books and Dave’s and ran from the room. Just as he was going through the door, Dave turned to Francis, still smiling.
“Don’t worry, Francis, my old mucker, if we properly run out of money we can always sell the soul of the party.”

With that Dave left the room, slamming the door confidently behind him. Francis spoke to an empty room, his voice a haggard, wearied whisper.

“No, David, I think we sold the soul of the party a long time ago.”

He looked down at his pad of paper and saw that, next to the word tosser, he has doodled a perfect portrait of Cameron, replete with pudgy cheeks, terrible hair and his cheesy, shit-eating grin.”

The above is a work of fiction. I stress, it is not real. However, with the utter toss coming from Senior Tories at the moment, it is difficult not to conclude that the above is actually how they make was currently passes for Tory policy. Unless someone has spiked CCHQ’s water supply with LSD.

Some people really, really deserve to die...

... now, I am not saying the mother did it, what with being innocent until proven guilty 'n' all, but who ever did this, well, the death penalty is too good for them.

Voluntary Code Free Zone

Disillusioned and Bored has come up with an splendid idea to combat this big ol' pile of dog crap. When I get the time I will be adding a more permanent show of support to my blog, but in the meantime I will show my support with this excellent logo:

Some people should just shut up...

...yes, Baroness Tonge has opened her mouth again - and what else would this Lib Dem twat talk other than the Israeli lobby getting "...its grips on the world." I believe in freedom of speech but, as I have touched on before, when Tonge opens her gob it is difficult not to wish that the chornically bigoted like her can't be made to shut the fuck up forever.

Talk of a global Jewish conspiracy harks back to Mein Kampf and the other demented gibberings of Hitler and the Nazis. Now, I am not saying that Tonge is a Nazi but when you find yourself agreeing with the leader of the mass-murdering, anti-semitic leader of the Third Reich it is probably time to reconsider your views.

Apparently Tonge said:

"I'm not in politics for a career and never was. I'm in politics to feel passionately about things."

A very noble sentiment, Jenny, if you didn't feel passionately about advocating anti-semitic paranoia.

If Ming Campbell wants to show himself to be a proper party leader he should withdraw the Lib Dem whip from her in the Lords. In fact, if he really wants to show his determination to lead the Lib Dems towards being Britain's second party then he should take a claw hammer to the skull of Tonge and club her for each and every time she has embarrassed and humiliated his party. If a Tory came out with a comment like this, Cameron would have them burnt at the stake. And I cannot be alone in thinking a similar fate might be good for Baroness Tonge whilst she continues to spout this bigoted shite.

Polonium 210

What with all the excitement over Cameron embracing the dark side last week, I completely forgot to comment on the illness and death of Litvinenko. His death is obviously a tragedy for his friends and family, but there is something more unnerving about the whole affair than just being another murder.

I have always seen the world of espionage as being a seedy, unpleasant world of petty brutality and constant paranoia. Like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy or Harry Palmer. Markov being murdered with a poisoned umbrella is as imaginative as my perception of the real world of espionage gets. But the way Litvinenko died is worthy of a James Bond film - to murder someone with a radioactive element would not be out of place in The World Is Not Enough. And with other people being tested for exposure to radiation, the use of polonium 210 could yet prove to be lethal to more than just Litvinenko. It is the very opposite of a drab, domestic killing.

But it is not just the fantastical elements to the murder that interest and horrify me. I believe that the simplest explanation is more often that not the correct one. Consequently I believe Lee Harvey Oswald murdered JFK, that Sirhan Sirhan murdered RFK. John Hinckley acted alone when he turned his weapon on Ronald Reagan, and there was no Jewish or CIA conspiracy behind 9/11 - a group of sick bastard terrorists backed by bin Laden hijacked those planes and committed mass murder. It may be a lack of imagination, it may be a surplus of realism/cynicism, but most of the conspiracy theories I have heard are complete and total toss. Those murders were the work of random loners, not global conspiracies. They were not state sponsored murder.

With Litvinenko's murder, though, there is no way that it can be the work of a random nutter. This is not the work of a Barry George - rather, it has to be backed by a state or at least a *security* organisation. They murdered him with a substance that comes from a nuclear power station. The long, slow, painful of death seems to suggest two things - first of all, whoever killed Litvinenko really wanted him to suffer. And also, whoever wanted to murder him almost seemed to want the publicity, the outcry, the global media attention.

Put simply, they wanted to make an example of Litvinenko.

It is still early days in the murder investigation, and who knows what that will turn up in the future. But the immediate conclusion is that Putin - or someone senior in Putin's administration - ordered the murder of Litvinenko. And they wanted it done in a public, painful way. They wanted to show their strength, to set up the dissident as an example for others. It is an unpleasant and unnerving thought - that if you make the wrong enemies, they will find you, and get you, no matter what.

Royalties v Patents

The Moai on Sir Cliff and royalties:

“And quite bloody rightly too. In fact, I'd reduce it. Why should a patent only last twenty years while musical copyright lasts 50? A patent requires serious technical effort and a demonstrable contribution to human progress, as well as requiring a lot of application and renewal fees. And this tosser wants to bleed more royalties from his inane early fifties pap, which requires no application fees, no demonstrable excellence and no renewals? If it hasn't yielded royalties in twenty years it doesn't deserve to. Looks like all the brown-nosing was in vain, Cliff, ha bloody ha.”

Of course, now I have the fucking dreadful Mistletoe and Wine droning through my head…

"I'm *so* sorry"

The Moai on Chuckles expressing regret for slavery:

“He's very good at apologising for things he has no responsibility for, isn't he? Like this.

If he wants to make amends for past wrongs he could start here or he could do something about existing problems of the above nature.

But that might take a *bit* more time and effort, and Tony lacks both now.”

My take on it? Well, to my knowledge Blair has never had any slaves. And he wasn’t around when the British Slave Trade was in full swing. So apologising would be a complete waste of arsing time. Blair should focus on apologising for things he is responsible for, not things that happened hundreds of years ago and all those affected are long since dead.

This whole culture of nations apologising for things that happened in the past really pisses me off. We are perfectly happy to apologise for things that we haven’t done, but not for those that we have. The people who had slaves are dead. The people who were slaves are dead. The time for an apology came and went fucking centuries ago. If Blair has an ounce of respect for himself or this country he will never apologise for Slavery. To do so would be a publicity stunt, a complete and total waste of fucking time.

So expect an apology from Blair any moment now.

Andy Robinson, the RFU's answer to Iain Duncan Smith.

Let's hope the same thing happens to Robinson as happened to IDS.

Wake Up Boo!

At long last, a post that has nothing to do with Politics.

Owning hundreds of CD's has a fair share of problems - not least the storage and the occasional moment of gnawing self doubt when you wonder whether that money could - and most probably should - have been spent on something else. But the joys far outweigh the problems, and one of the joys is rediscovering an old band or an old album that you haven't heard for ages, and then remembering how good it was/they were and why you loved it/them in the first place.

I've been listening to the Boo Radleys recently, a band I loved when I was at school and university but haven't listened to for ages, what with the damned real world intervening in my life. But listening to them recently has reminded me that they are absolutely awesome and well worth a space on my MP3 player. They are one of the few britpop bands who don't set my teeth on edge, and it is one of the music world's greatest injustices that they are pretty much forgotten whilst the ape like Oasis are at riding high in the album charts with their "best of" collection of sub Slade power ballads.

The Boo Radleys are best known for Wake-Up, which gave them their biggest hit Wake Up Boo! That single, like Help by the Beatles, is one of those songs that appears to be really upbeat until you listen to the words. The lyrics include "No you can't blame me/Not for the death of summer/But you're gonna say/What you wanna say/You have to put the death in everything" - and sets the standard for the album quite nicely. The album has a fair share of anti-fame moments, such as "This isn't what you think, and it's not what I thought it would be/You've got a lonely face, do you want my place?" in Find the Answer Within. But the actual lyrical theme is more poignant that the common but cliched "oh, I don't like being a celebrity" attitude (that always slightly pisses me off, making me want to say "well, if you don't want to be a celebrity, you don't have to") - much of the album deals with a doomed relationship, and of having to go away from home to find out what life is like elsewhere, even though it is going to hurt someone else. At the end of the tripped out Martin, Doom! It's Seven O'Clock there are the lines "And I know what you want/To take my life have me serve you/But I might as well go/Cos you need me more than I do" - a strikingly raw end to a very strange song and a sentiment that can be shared by anyone who has been in one of those relationships where your seem to be acting as an emotional crutch for the other person. And the album ends with the sparse, brittle Wilder - a song about leaving someone to come to London, and an emotionally raw confession to a loved one. The lyrics inclide "You have seen the worse of me/For that I'm truly sorry/It's not you it's this place/not knowing where to turn" before concluding "Maybe it's brighter down there". It is all very different to the standard Britpop pap of "Cigarettes and Alcohol" or living in a big house in the country.

But there is more to the Boo Radleys than just that album. After the success of Wake Up they went in a direction marked weird - and that record was C'Mon Kids. An album that contains jagged, heavy metal guitars and some very strange songs, including one about a boy and his tape worm (Meltin's Worm). The album also contains one of the most excrutiatingly bitter songs I have ever heard - Everything is Sorrow, which puts the likes of Joy Division and Manic Street Preachers to shame, given the all pervading air of bitterness and rage. It is more of an interesting than enjoyable album - but for a band to go from the melancholic pop of Wake Up to the pseudo heavy metal rage of C'Mon Kids is something that most bands would never dare to consider. One of my oldest friends is a fan of the Boo Radleys, and I find it quite telling that the only Boo Radleys album she owns is C'Mon Kids.

The album that preceded Wake Up is widely considered to be their best one, although I would disagree. Giant Steps has some great songs on it, but there is too much of that album that is just intentionally weird to made it their best. People compare it to The White Album and I would agree, but not for the reasons most music fans would cite. It is a album that could do a with a decent editor, or at least some quality control. However it does contain the single best Boo Radleys song - Lazarus. An eclectic, experimental song that encompasses reggae, britpop, shoe gazing and several other genres, it manages to be epic and personal at the same time. It also contains one of my favourites lyrics of all time - "And now, maybe now I should change/Because I'm starting to lose all my faith/Whilst those around me are beaten down each day". It is worth certainly worth a listen...

But for me their best album is their last one - Kingsize. It sums up everything that is great about the Boo Radleys - anthemic, epic, awesome and emotional. Eurostar is another of my favourite songs - ""You've been away too long/It's so lonely when you are gone/I've been away too long/At times I feel so alone". Comb Your Hair - in spite of the terrible title - is a life-affirming song - "We may never be this young again/Half my life has been mis-spent... let's not waste the time we have left". And for a critique of modern politics, try the title track - "Words confuse as Governments refuse/To give all but a small sign/That each of us are not alone". It also scores points for giving me an anthem to quote when I am indulging in the Great British hobby of binge drinking - "Reasons for believing in anything/Are few and far between these days/And I am just a boy who can't say no/Things are so much clearer in a haze/And you don't know, so why not give it a chance/Heaven's at the Bottom of this Glass" from, ermmm, Heaven's at the Bottom of this Glass.

It should have been the album to make them into a global force, but instead it made them bankrupt. Such is modern music - the Boo Radleys sit in relative obscurity whilst Oasis piss all over the world and also piss me off.

But if you want to try a new band, but are stuck on what to get, try the Boo Radley's Best of collection, Find the Way Out. I defy everyone not to find at least one track on there that they really like.

"...like a whore in a brothel..."

Young “Hug a Husky” Cameron sells his party further down the river for a couple of extra votes from the kind of people who probably vote Liberal owing to their utter inability to commit to one of the two parties capable of winning power. And the fact that they teach Geography in the local comprehensive and have leather patches on the arms of their tweed jackets.

Abandoning the fundamental principles of the Conservative party, Cameron announces that poverty is relative, not absolute. Which, as all right thinking people know, is complete and total arse. Poverty is relative. It is the likes of that monkey cunt Polly Toynbee. And as Tories we would always ignore her. Oh, wait, not anymore…

Let’s go back to fundamentals – we are Conservatives, we believe in equality of opportunity, not outcome. The latter idea is a socialist idea, the opposite of what a Conservative should believe in. Absolute poverty is a moral disgrace, relative poverty is not. Relative poverty is a by product of a competitive society. Competitive societies do well, those that are not competitive, like the Soviet Union, fold under the weight of their own self-deception and hypocrisy.

Put simply, if everyone in society earns a million, the person on £999,999 is not poor. Not when compared to the people of Darfur. They are actually quite prosperous. They may be poor relative to their neighbours, but not compared to those who live in actual poverty. And yes, this is a theoretical argument, but actually any debate about relative and absolute poverty has to be theoretical.

This is another shameless headline grab, Cameron again showing himself to be a touchy-feely, lovable wee scamp who you are happy to vote for. For those who like their politics transparently vacuous, Cameron must be a dream come true. For those who prefer some sort of ideological commitment or beliefs behind their politicians, Cameron represents the slow, lingering death of politics in this country.

Cameron would probably allow a group of drunken sailors to rape his own grandmother in order to gain a bit more of the central ground. He is like Blair magnified tenfold – everything is about the pursuit of power, everything is about appearing non-descript and non-threatening. Political principle has not only been abandoned, it has been clubbed to death like a baby seal and buried in a shallow grave somewhere. He sits in CCHQ, his legs spread, like a whore in a brothel, waiting to sell himself for any one who offers a vote.

UKIP beckons.

Search Term of the Day

"tory debt tosser test".

Hmmmmm...

Will Someone Please Tell Me...

…what the flying fuck is going on?

This story has left me in a state of simmering rage all day. The rage comes and goes in waves, moving between disbelief and blind, irate anger. It is the sort of thing that makes me wonder why I am a Tory – why I give any money whatsoever to Cameron and the gaggle of wankers who surround him. It is fair to say that I have not been that impressed with Cameron et al for a while, as I have mentioned, but this is the worst one yet. In so many ways, this is the final straw.

You see, according to that story, the Conservative Party shouldn’t look to the political ideals of Winston Churchill. We shouldn’t look to the political beliefs of one of our most successful Prime Ministers. Of the man who led the nation to victory in World War Two. Of the man voted the Greatest Briton.

Oh no, not at all.

Instead, we should have a new ideological leader. And who should this be? None other than Polly cunting Toynbee.

That’s right, the failed SDP member. The woman who is torn apart on a weekly basis. The woman who has a website dedicated to exposing the numerous mistakes, exaggerations and downright falsehoods in her work. The woman who believes in equality of outcome and other assorted left wing bollocks. The woman who would love to have a threesome with Chuckles and the Dour Drip.

And who is suggesting this? Why, none other than Greg Clark - Tory Party MP, confidant of Cameron and Shadow Minister. Whereas most Tories would see the day when they start agreeing with that rancid hag Toynbee as the day to go and get that shotgun, saw off the end, point it under their chin and pull the trigger, Clark sees it as the day to boast about his conversion to puerile lefty politics. To the sodding Guardian.

I have come to the conclusion that Clark has no brain. In fact, I reckon that when he was a kid, his parents cracked open his skull, scooped out the minimal grey matter contained within, and then elected to use their child’s skull as a latrine/toilet bowl. Because there is no other logical explanation for the absolute shite spewing from Clark’s mouth. There is no other reason why an adviser to the Leader of the Opposition would be chomping at the minge of the atrocious Toynbee. There is no other reason why a member of the Tory Shadow Cabinet, just as the party stands for the first time since 1997 within grasping distance of power, would turn to the fucked up, unworkable policies of the twat Polly – policies so inane that even the Liberal Democrats would think twice before advocating them.

Apparently embracing Toynbee “goes back to our roots”. Apparently it harks back to Disraeli, and his fight against poverty. Erm, no. Disraeli lived in a very different age. When he lived, poverty meant literally being unable to eat, not having to chose between your subscription to Sky and your fourth KFC of the day. When Disraeli lived, poverty meant you starved to death. Then the concept of those being classed as poverty stricken and also being classed as obese would have seemed farcical. Likewise, child poverty meant the workhouse, it meant child hood labour. Not being able to afford nothing else after your hoodie and having to steal a mate’s mobile. It meant no education at all, not cutting school. It meant no food, not whining because Jamie Oliver has had junk food banned from school. Mr E is right when he contradicts Clark and says that poverty is absolute, and not relative. Poverty in this country in this day and age is nowhere near as bad as when Disraeli led the Conservative movement.

Clark criticises Churchill, stating that his view of welfare focuses on:

“…the bottom: holding people at subsistence level, just above the abyss of hunger and homelessness.”

Yes, he was a Conservative. Of course he believed in a safety net, from stopping those who have made the wrong choices from starving and from losing their homes. But surely the point is that there is an aspiration towards equality of opportunity, not equality of outcome. People should be encouraged to do the best they can, with welfare being a safety net – something you never, ever aspire to be on, but it is there if you really need it. The problem with welfare today is it offers too much – too much comfort – it doesn’t hold people down, but it doesn’t encourage people to move on. It is no longer a safety net, it is a comfortable bed to lie in. It is not about keeping people at subsistence level – it is about making them comfortable. You know the moment I became a Tory? It was when someone who worked for me – one of the hardest workers I have ever come across – came to me, overwrought, and saying that he had to resign because he could earn more money on welfare than working for a living. I thought the Tories would redress this balance – but if Toynbee is to become the Conservative ideologue for welfare then the party is totally fucked. And Toynbee herself realises this, with the BBC reporting:

“His words were hailed by Ms Toynbee as a "really radical move" which showed the party "in a completely new light".

I am sure that Toynbee loves what Clark is saying, but is also in a state of total shock. This must be so confusing for “our” Polly – suddenly the enemy, the evil Tories, believe what she believes. Even more so than Nu Labour. And she must love this statement from Clark:

"Polly Toynbee is a serious thinker about social policy. There are things I disagree with her on, but it would be ridiculous not to benefit from effective analysis.”

Again, Clark, you cunt, Factchecking Pollyanna. Go read. You may think that the party will benefit from effective analysis. Fine. But you cannot argue Toynbee is effective analysis.

This post is an unfocussed rant, lacking any real coherence. But it would all be ok if this was just the one misguided MP, someone who Cameron could quickly dispense with, like Michael Howard did with Flight. But the Guardian reports:

“Mr Cameron's aides praised Mr Clark's work...”

Fine. If Cameron, Clark and the rest of the Tory Party want to embrace the wishy-washy pseudo-socialism of Toynbee and drag the Conservatives to the left of the Labour party, they should go for it. But my message to them is simple – you can take my membership of the Tory party and shove it up your arseholes. And you can fuck off whilst you are doing it.

Scraping the bottom of the barrel – Hazel Blears

Hazel Blears, that reprehensible off-spring of an unfeasibly ugly woman and a giant, mutant squirrel, is throwing her hat in the ring to be Deputy Leader. That’s right, the disgustingly naïve head cheerleader for Bliar not only wants to be Deputy Leader of her party, but also wants to become Deputy Prime Minister.

It is probably no surprise to anyone that I do not like Blears – in fact, one of her more fucktarded assertions nearly caused me to have a fatal apoplexy. Then again, I don’t like any of the shower of cunts who make up our incumbent government. I don’t think any one of them should be a member of Parliament, let alone Deputy PM. But I reckon that Blears is one of the worst of the lot.

There is absolutely nothing to her bar her hysterical bleating for Blair. She looks and sounds a lot like Timmy from South Park, except instead of shrieking “Timmy!” she is shouting “Tony!” Her shameless fucking toadying is the only reason why she has any power whatsoever in this country. This isn’t misogyny, because I am fairly sure Blears is utterly asexual, and it isn’t misanthropy, as I cannot believe that anyone this devoid of any sort of personality or presence is a fully functioning human.

I mean, look at other holders of the Office of Deputy Prime Minister. Whilst looking at Hesletine may make you question whether man has fully finished evolving from the apes, but at least you knew where you stood with him. Mainly because he was incredibly open about what he was looking for from politics – namely naked self interest, at the expense of his party and his government. Prescott is a boorish, arrogant, ignorant waste of space but at least he has a personality.* His personality is almost entirely negative, but Blears can’t even claim that.

And even when measured up against the other likely contenders for the Deputy Leader’s job, Blears looks rubbish. Alan Johnson is a one of those people who desperately tries to be cool and popular – those dumb sunglasses he wore at the last cabinet reshuffle makes me want to hit him repeatedly in the face with a brick whilst shouting “cockbag” at him. But he does have a presence, he is a credible candidate. Likewise, Benn is a Nu-Labour whore who dropped his pants to let Blair bum him at the first whiff of power. But he appears to be a confident and dependable presence. Cruddas is a joke candidate, but a needed left wing totem, a chance for the Labour Party to continue to delude itself that it is a left of centre party. And Harman may be an unusually incompetent twat in a party that has no shortage of incompetent arses, but she seems to be one of the few people in the known world who can get on with the dour drip who is our current Chancellor and most likely to be our next PM. What can Blears offer? The square root of fuck all.

But the fact that she is effectively worthless may actually play to her advantage. Since Prezza decided he would play “hide the chipolata” with any female member of staff who came within five foot of him, the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister has become effectively worthless. Now more than ever, it is a ceremonial position, with a lot in common with the US Vice-Presidency. And, as John Nance Garner so memorably said, the US Vice-Presidency is “not worth a bucket of warm piss”. What better way to sum up Blears – not worth a bucket of warm piss. In fact, I think most people, when faced with a choice between Blears and that bucket, would be quaffing that tepid urine like it was a pint of their favourite ale in their local pub.

*In fact it is quite funny to imagine Prescott as the bully in the cabinet. You can see him picking on the hideously over-earnest Miliband – joining Reid in flushing Miliband’s head down the toilet and other activities that Miliband no doubt deserves. It is wonderful to think of Miliband exploding in frustrated tears of impotent rage as Prescott flicks elastic bands at Miliband’s head, all ignored by the bored presence of Head Teacher Blair.

The Queen's Speech

Today is the state opening of Parliament, and we get to hear the government's bold agenda for the coming months. How exciting. Or, how exciting it should be. Actually, it isn't exciting at all. Blair is offering rehashed policies at best, and absolutely nothing at worst. Blairism - the politics of procrastination.

It would be different if the Opposition had something to say. If there was an alternative to the ongoing refried bollocks offered by Blair et al. If the Tories had bold policies and strategies to turn this country around, then I would feel much happier and much more confident. But that, very sadly, is not the case. Cameron has merely warned against a watered down Climate Change bill. With wars raging in Afghanistan and Iraq, with the NHS, the school system and the criminal justice system in crisis, David arsing Cameron bleats on about arsing climate arsing control. Fuck off, David - the simple truth is that if this was your Queen's Speech it would probably look absolutely identical to Blair's. Sure, ID cards probably wouldn't be rearing their ugly heads, but aside from that, there would be very little to tell between the fag end of the Blair years and the bright new future offered by the Cameronistas (or Conservative Lite, Diet Conservatives, whatever you want to call them).

David Cameron is pretty much Tony Blair. A younger, fatter (whoops, meant fitter) version maybe, but pretty much a touched up photo copy of the clueless cretin who has worked so hard to drive our country into the ground since May 1997. And just to clarify, this is a member of the Conservative Party saying this.

Sure, I voted for David Davis last year. I know, I know, so unfashionable, but I was won over by his policies and general competence. I wanted a Tory leader with something to say, rather than a retired marketing man who wants to hug a fucking husky. For me, the point of the Opposition is to offer, well, opposition. Not hold up a bastard mirror to the government and sing "everything you can do I can do better".

There is no choice left in British Politics. The two main parties basically agree with each other - the problem is that the policies they broadly speaking agree on do not help this country at all. I believe voting is a duty, I believe people should be obliged to vote - but I can understand why people cannot be arsed these days. I am a member of the Tory party - for how much longer, I really don't know. If there was a General Election today, I would struggle to bring myself to vote Conservative, so it is a massive effort to stay in a party that I feel not only does not speak for me, but actually does not have anything to say at all.

The Moai left the Labour Party when it became clear to him that the Blairite revolution had nothing whatsoever to do with the ideals that made him join the Labour Party in the first place. I feel the same way today about the Tories as he did when he left the Labour Party. My big problem is that I cannot sit on the sidelines - whilst I will never become an MP or run for election, I like to be part of a political party or movement. I like to have a say in an organisation that has some chance of achieving political power.

Which leaves me in an awkward position. If I were to leave the Tories, where would I go? Certainly not Labour - as I have touched on before, I believe Blair is an out and out cunt and when he falls from power, his party will most probably lurch towards the left and even further away from my core beliefs. Of course, there are the Liberal Democrats but whilst I probably have more sympathy with Ming the Merciful's Freedom Bill than I do with anything Cameron has managed to come up with to date I cannot shake the feeling that the Liberal Democrats are neither Liberal nor Democratic. And then who else is there? UKIP? The Green Party?

The big problem is that whilst I may have some sympathy with UKIP and elements of the Liberal Democrats, I cannot see how any party other than Labour or the Tories are ever going to offer a credible proposition for government. And I don't want to hear about the bias in our electoral system against third parties - Labour managed to go from minority party to government in the first 45 years of the last century. The Liberal Democrats spunk away every chance (1983, 1997 and arguably 2001) to claw their way up to being even the second party. And whilst UKIP have certainly improved under new leadership (take a look at the eloquent, and inevitably sweary, case for UKIP at the Devil's Kitchen) I don't see them as credible players for third party status, let alone opposition of government.

The Queen's Speech, and the lack of major party opposition to it, just illustrates that political beliefs, convictions and ideals are all but dead amongst our two leading parties. If there was anywhere credible to go to, my Conservative membership *card* (it is more like a tasteless bit of laminated paper these days) would be in the bin and I would be leaving Cameron et al alone to enjoy their bestial, post-Blair, Husky love-a-thon.

Germany causes the Euro to crumble!

Well, a particular part of the German people. ie - the drug users.

See here for details.

God bless 'em, I say. Finally found a use for the Euro.

A quick drink, every now and again

This story staggers me - the extent of alcoholism in Russia.

Apparently 3,500 people die a month in Russia from alcohol poisoning. People drink de-icer, brake fluid and window cleaning fluids. That must be when you know your life has turned to complete and total shite - when you have run out of the vodka, can't afford a new bottle, and decide now is the time to crack open the brake fluid. I cannot envisage a life like that, and hope no-one I know ever lives a life like that.

Sky news goes on to describe one of the victims of drinking a cheap vodka that is actually de-icer:

"His doctor says his addiction was so desperate that when they gave him an injection and swabbed his arm with alcohol, he put the cotton wool into his mouth to suck the spirit from it."

Again, I cannot understand, from my narrow, parochial view point how someone could ever get themselves into that state. To have to suck alcohol from a cotton wool swab in front of the doctors who are trying to help you with your crippling, fatal alcohol addiction. It is not the lack of dignity or my incredulity that anyone would ever want to suck medicinal alcohol from cotton wool that really gets to me, although both are really striking. It is the sheer, raw desperation of the guy that I cannot get my head around. It is like a real-life, living, breathing (for now - his illness is fatal) Father Jack - except, inevitably, it is not funny when it is a real person.

It is next to impossible to work out what Russia can do about the national alcohol problem. Alcohol really is part of the national heritage in Russia - during World War Two, the Russian army was paid in vodka, for example. And as Sky News notes:

"In Russia many people view beer as a soft drink. In fact there is a saying here that beer without vodka is like money on the wind."

Beer as a soft drink is a scary concept. I like the odd beer, and can confirm from the headache I have the morning after consuming a couple of pints (plus) of beer that it is most definitely not a soft drink. The Russians are apparently calling for a national debate on alcohol - ignoring the NuLabour lanaguage at play here, I think more than a debate is needed. As far as I can see there is a direct link between the terrible poverty in Russia and the crippling alcoholism. If you are turning to brake fluid for a drink, there can't be a lot else in your life to live for.

But, this wouldn't be The Appalling Strangeness if I didn't add a glib, sarcastic and slightly unpleasant aside to round of the post. So I give you this - according to our government, we have a drink problem in this country. Well, those damned Ruskies are streets ahead of us. In the Cold War, we had the Missile Gap. Now the Cold War is over, why is no-one talking about a "binge-drinking gap"?

Jon Snow - Utter Wanker

Jon Snow seems to be labouring under the delusion that because he can read off an autocue for a news programme, he is some sort of cultural guru - someone who people look up to and seek advice from. And he is using this delusion as an excuse to pontificate on poppies.

Apparently he doesn't wear one because he does not want to promote any symbols on TV. Which is fine. Although quite why the complete and total fucking fucktarded cunt would object to wearing a symbol of rememberance for men and women who gave their lives fighting for their country is totally beyond me.

What really pisses me off is his claim of "poppy facism". He defines it as:

"...a rather unpleasant breed of poppy fascism out there - 'He damned well must wear a poppy!'"

Actually, what the Royal British Legion says is:

"While we are extremely grateful for the support shown to us by all those in the public eye who wear a poppy in the two weeks leading up to Remembrance Sunday, we see this as a voluntary gesture of support and would never prescribe when and how any member of the public wears one." (My emphasis)

Probably worth pointing out that no-one orders anyone to wear a poppy. And that wearing a poppy is actually about remembering those who died fighting forms of facism in a variety of different wars.

And I am sure there are some people out there who feel Snow "damn well should wear a poppy". Which is fine, Snow, maybe they disagree with you. Except, actually, they don't:

"Well I do, in my private life, but I am not going to wear it or any other symbol on air."

Riigggghhhtttt, so what you are saying is that you wear a poppy in your private life, when no-one sees you, but refuse to on air? This is just being controversial for controversy's sake! If you believe that wearing a poppy is good, then wear one. If you don't, don't. But don't start bleating on about not wearing symbols for charities and causes on TV that you actually believe in. It is called sticking to your beliefs, Snow.

It also appears that Snow's ego is spectacularly large - it appears he sees himself as a national icon rather than a grey blur of a news reader who could very easily be replaced by speak your weight machine:

"I am begged to wear an Aids ribbon, a breast cancer ribbon, a Marie Curie flower... You name it, from the Red Cross to the RNIB, they send me stuff to wear to raise awareness, and I don't."

I'll bet they ask you to wear their symbols. I'll bet that national and international charities ask a lot of people to wear their symbols. They don't need to beg. And I'll bet that the fact that you refuse to wear one, Snow, is at worst mildly irritating for them, and at best completely and totally bastard irrelevant.

And he jabbers on:

"My ties are abstract... You may say my ties, my socks are a statement anyway. But of what? A statement of rebellion? Joy? Absurdity? You see we don't know what the statement is - if indeed there is one - and that is as it should be."

Your ties are shite, John. And I don't think they represent a statement at all. I think they are indicative of one of two things though - either that you have zero dress sense and can't be arsed to looking in a mirror before going on air, or that you wear crap ties to convince people that you have a personality. You're like the Geography teacher at school who wears a Simpons tie - trying to be cool, trying to be different, when in fact you are just horrifcally, jaw droppingly dull.

And Snow further illustrates his pig ignorant arrogance with this gem of a statement:

"I won't be wearing a black tie for anyone's death - I don't for my own relatives, so why on earth would I for anyone else's?"

Called respect, Snow. You wear a black tie to show your respect. Good that you treat your family with utter contempt though.

And contempt is what I look at Snow with. You know what? On the day you shuffle off this mortal coil, Snow, I will be wearing a mickey mouse tie and a poppy just to show how little I think of you. That's if I get to hear about your death, Snow. Because I am very hopeful that people will realise you are a sanctimonious irrelevance and your death will come and go without being reported.

A Totally Random Post

In a ponderous, thoughtful mood. So I don’t have anything in particular to talk, swear or rant about. So instead a couple of random quotes:

“All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.”

“The weight of this sad time we must obey;
Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.
The oldest hath borne most: we that are young
Shall never see so much, nor live so long.”

Impressed with any anyone who knows the source of those quotes. Without sticking them into Google, obviously.

I have also been informed that you can cross a Labrador with a Poodle and get a Labradoodle and cross a Schnauzer with a Poodle to get a Schnoodle.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

The Mid-Terms

In a scene at the beginning of the second season of The West Wing, the President's staff sit outside of Josh Lyman's apartment block. They sip beers, and muse on the results of the Mid-Term elections to both the House of Representatives and the Senate. Millions of dollars spent, all to get the same result. Nothing has changed. The Democrats and the Republicans have the same number of seats in Congress. The end result of the elections - exactly the same as before.

Of course, you can't say the same about the elections yesterday in the US. The House is in the hands of the Democrats, the Senate could go the same way. Two years after grudgingly giving him the benefit of the doubt, the American people have told George W. Bush to go and fuck himself. And not before time if you ask me.

There are some immediate ramifications of this. Nancy Pelosi is on her way to becoming the first female speaker of the House of Representatives, whilst Donald Rumsfeld is on his way to the job centre. There is a lot of speculation about what will happen next, of what will happen with the Democrats taking control of the House. As far as I can see, not a lot.

Sure, the Democrats could make things very awkward for Bush but short of impeaching him (which is little more that a far left wet dream) the simple fact is that Bush will be in power for the next two years. He remains the President. And the Democrats have the House for the first time in over a decade. They are not going to do anything too radical that might prevent them from retaining control in two year's time. Furthermore, the next Presidential election starts here - and whoever will be the standard bearer for the Democrats will want to be able to run on the record of the Democratic congress - and in order to appeal to Middle America, (s)he will want the Congressional Democrats to be perceived as moderate and dependable, not dangerous radicals. Bush will struggle to get his more radical agenda implemented, but he has struggled to do this since he sat and fiddled whilst his political capital was washed away with the tragedy in New Orleans.

And aside from anything else, all that has really happened is the end of the 2006 elections. The USA now lives in a state or near constant electioneering, and the focus will now shift to 2008, when there is the chance for a real change - and America votes on who will be the next leader of the Free World.

Hussein Apologist

Reactionary Snob cannot be arsed to fisk this guy. Well, having read the article, I can’t resist. This Daniel Cox is so clearly wrong about so many things I cannot help but have a pop at his crass drivel.

“Three months ago, Tony Blair warned the world that an "arc of extremism" now stretches across the Middle East from Iran to Lebanon. This phenomenon, he suggested, threatens the survival of the very values on which western society is based. Yet, when Blair came to power, no such claim could have been made. Slap-bang in the middle of his currently awesome arc, lay a fortress of stability in the shape of Saddam's Iraq.”

Oh, I think you could argue such an arc existed prior to Blair’s arrival in power. What with the US Embassy siege. And the Barracks bombing in Lebanon. And the Six Day War. And the Yom Kippur War. And the multitude of assassinations and other terrorist attacks. And… well, I could go on, but you get the point.

However, if there has been a change since Blair came to power then it is the result of 9/11. You know, when Islamic extremists crashed civilian planes into buildings in the US. I am not saying the war on Iraq was justified or right, but 9/11 gave Bush Junior the circumstances he could use to invade Iraq. And, whilst the US made mistakes in the run up to 9/11, I am going to lay the blame for 9/11 squarely at the door of those who hijacked those planes and committed mass murder.

“Saddam had tied down revolutionary Iran, the most potentially destructive force in the region, in an eight-year war, at the expense of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi casualties.”

Seems ironic that someone who is moaning about the Iraq war would advocate a war that leads to hundreds of thousands of deaths.

“Any Islamic terrorists found on Iraqi territory were summarily executed.”

Summary execution is generally frowned upon in polite society. I would love to see the outcry if Blair proposed summary execution in this country. Christ, even the thug like shaved ape who operates as our Home Secretary wouldn’t dare propose this.

“The Middle Eastern oil that underpins our society, and therefore the values that our Prime Minister holds so dear, flowed freely into our refineries.”

Except when good ol’ Saddam set fire to the oil wells.

“Within Iraq itself, a secular state offered women opportunities unimaginable in nearby countries, and provided a standard of living far from unreasonable by the standards of the developing world.”

Hussein’s main claim to operating a secular society was his Catholic Deputy Prime Minister. He used religion to appease the fundamentalists in his country. I would also argue that the comparison with the opportunities for women in nearby states is meaningless – Israel is far better than the former Iraq, whilst the likes of Iran are amongst the worst in the world. To be somewhere in the middle when one of your neighbours is the worst in the world is no great achievement. And the standard of living in the former Iraqi state is not great when you consider the vast fortunes that the oil should have brought the Iraqi people.

“Three objections were made to this state of affairs.”

I would imagine most right-minded people could raise more than three objections to the brutally oppressive regime in Iraq…

“The first was that Saddam had expansionist ambitions. His annexation of Kuwait in 1990 was, however, rooted in a long-standing territorial claim based on the fact that Kuwait had been part of Basra province under the Ottomans and was only hived off under British colonial rule. Somewhat disconcertingly for Iraq's current liberators, this claim was revived in 2004 by none other than the US-appointed President of Iraq's Interim Governing Council.”

Right, so he was expansionist, then? The fact that he had a territorial claim does not mean he was allowed to act on that claim through an invasion (not annexation). Britain could argue that it has a claim to the United States. That doesn’t make that claim right, or justify an invasion against the weight of world opinion. And the fact is the Interim Governing Council’s claim could equally be rejected. Hell, I could make a claim for Kuwait…

“The second objection was that Saddam was developing weapons of mass destruction. Why he stopped doing so, we shall perhaps never know, but when he had such weapons, he chose to use them against Iranian armed forces and Iraq's own dissident Kurds, rather than for any purpose that threatened the wider world.”

Fine to kill Iranians, fine to gas the Kurds. Just don’t touch the rest of the world. Clearly an Iranian or Kurdish life is worth less than a Western life… I detect an unpleasant undertone of racism.

“Had he acquired nuclear weapons, this might have proved a useful check on Iran's regional ambitions.”

That seems unlikely really, doesn’t it? The main check to Iran’s regional ambitions would be the eradication of the Israeli state. And I hope Cox isn’t advocating that. And had Hussein acquired nuclear weapons, he might equally have used then against his neighbours (Kuwait, Israel) or sold them to terrorist groups. See, the danger with these unpredictable tyrants like Hussein is they are, well, unpredictable. And I like to be able to predict what nuclear powers are going to do.

“Today, Iran appears to pose far more danger to the outside world than Saddam ever did, yet we seem to have no plans to deal with this country as we did with Iraq.”

Iran has been a problem for decades. And I take come comfort from the fact that we are not planning to invade Iran as we did Iraq, because the Iraq invasion, well, it didn’t go great, did it?

“The final objection to Saddam's rule, on which more and more weight has necessarily had to be placed by those responsible for his downfall, is that he abused the human rights of Iraqi citizens. Quite clearly he did. Yet, why should it be assumed that this consideration trumps all others?”

Ask an Iraqi citizen who had their rights abused. Then you will probably get your answer.

“Iraq was created by the victors of World War I. Its Shia, Sunni and Kurdish peoples did not choose to be flung together, and their antagonisms made the country a powder-keg. Saddam believed that such a nation could be held together only by brutally effective repression. Current events suggest that he may have had a point.”

Always easier to embrace “brutally effective repression” when you are pontificating in a liberal Western democracy, isn’t it? Much easier to advocate repression when you’re not the one who is going to end up swinging from the gallows.

“Living under tyranny may not be ideal, but it is not impossible. In the Soviet Union, life took on a character of its own, in which the human spirit managed to flourish in spite of the political constraints. The literature generated in those conditions can still inspire us. Today, many former Soviet citizens feel no more free under the yoke of global capitalism than they did before, and some would like to see the return of Stalinism.”

Those who would advocate the return of Stalinism are fucking brain-dead, frankly. Stalin was a brutal, psychopathic dictator whose atrocities against his own people exceed the likes of Hitler. Collectivization wiped out millions of peasants, and the purges saw further millions being murdered by the state. It is no exaggeration to say that Stalin waged a war against his own people. If any human spirit flowered under Stalin, then it was quickly rewarded with a bullet in the back of the head and a shallow grave. And whilst it is *possible* to live under a tyranny, it is very difficult to do so when you are starving to death. There was no liberty and no freedom under Stalin, just the ever present spectres of starvation and death.

“The people of China seem in no rush to jettison a regime that holds out the prospect of prosperity at the expense only of liberty.”

Given dissension is not allowed on pain of imprisonment and perhaps even death, it is difficult to gauge the levels of opposition in China, isn’t it?

“Even in Britain, our supposed attachment to our supposed freedom turns out to be tenuous. We seem content to toss aside ancient liberties in the face of a dubious war on terror, and we live, cheerily enough, under a regime of surveillance that the KGB might have envied.”

I’m not that cheery about it. There is some sterling opposition to Blair’s attempts to curtail our civil liberties. And the comparison with the KGB is just fucking stupid. The KGB had the right to disappear people and to use torture as a means of extracting confessions from the innocent. There is nothing proposed by Blair that compares to the hideous reality of life with the KGB.

“Saddam offered his people a harsh deal. Yet, their lives were at risk only if they chose to challenge his authority. Now, they die because of the sect to which they happen to belong. Soon, their country may fall prey to a savage civil war. If that happens, the Iranians will doubtless intervene, along, perhaps, with Turkey and Israel. No one can predict where that might lead, but the outcome is unlikely to be positive for peace, prosperity, justice or, indeed, human rights.”

So people died under Saddam, and people might die today? That’s the argument for Saddam? Frig me rigid, it is hardly a ringing endorsement of good ol’ Hussein, is it?

“If Saddam were still in power, he would have stopped this happening. Iraq's dissidents would have paid a price, but the rest of us would be a lot better off. As he goes to meet the hangman, the world has cause to rue his demise.”

Audacious stuff. Basically, it was alright for the Iraqi’s to suffer under Saddam as long as it didn’t impact on the rest of the world. In short, “fuck you, Johnny Foreigner, I’m alright so as far as I am concerned, you can go rot.”

I hope there is such a thing as re-incarnation, so David Cox can be reborn as an Iraqi dissident (or just someone who Saddam didn’t like, for whatever the reason) – and end his next life as a tortured wreck in an Iraqi prison, awaiting a brutal execution for the crime of not agreeing with Saddam Hussein.

Still Not Listening...

Our Dear Leader shows that, no matter what happens, he is going to ignore all opposition and plough ahead with ID cards.

Fuck me, he's an ignorant prig, isn't he?

Apparently the issue "more one about "modernity" than about civil liberties". Ermmmm, what the frig fuck are you jabbering about, Blair? I mean, what the Christ does modernity mean? Are you trying appear fashionable? Are you trying to appear important and flash next to your fellow world leaders by forcing this ridculous scheme on your people? Is this like having the latest BMW amongst the G8 leaders? "Oh, I'm so much more swish than you - I've got the latest biometric ID cards being forced down the throats of my proles - what you got, Bushie boy?"

And, not being funny, Bliar, but the issue is entirely about civil liberties. If you had taken 30 fucking seconds out of you miserable, excremental excuse for a life to listen to what the critics have said about ID cards you would have heard that a lot - if not most - of the criticisms are based on the negative impact they will make on civil liberties.

The BBC goes on to say:

"He insisted the project was on budget and on schedule and should be running by 2008"

Well, whether it is on budget or not is largely irrelevant to me. NuLabour are still pissing away billions of pounds of public money on something that is just so fucking stupid. I could argue that spending a small fortune on crack and cheap whores is OK, as long as it fits within my budget. I would be fucking wrong, as would be evidenced by the drug problem and dose of the clap that I would gain from my expenditure. It doesn't matter whether ID cards are on budget or not - they still remain a massive wanking away of public money on something that will have a largely negative effect on the UK.

"They were not a "complete solution" to problems such as benefit fraud, illegal immigration and terrorism, he (Blair) added."

Well, I agree with that - the problem is that Tone hasn't gone far enough. ID cards aren't even a partial solution to benefit fraud, illegal immigration and terrorism. The 7/7 bombers would have been carrying ID cards. And an over-priced lump of plastic would have done nothing to stop the carnage those four misfits created in London on that day.

"He told his monthly news briefing they would allow the UK "to check accurately those coming in" for the first time."

What sort of illogical nonsense logic is this? I'll tell you what I always though would allow the UK to accurately check those coming in - a passport. Crazy, eh? Just the solution we have been using for decades. And I don't accept the argument that passports can be forged - I don't doubt that ID cards will be forged as well. In fact, give me a bit of lego and a dodgy passport photo and I will give it a go myself.

If Blair was not a close minded, self absorbed cockmuncher he would realise that ID cards are a massive waste of time and money - which ulitmately offer nothing to the people he is supposed to be representing. In order to realise that he is on a hiding to nothing with ID cards he would have to listen to other people. Which is about as likely as Blair admitting he is wrong. Which is about as likely as monkeys flying out of my butt singing Ave Maria.

Blair = ignorant fucktard. In case you didn't know that already.

Loss of a great talent

Nigel Kneale has died at the age of 84. He casts a giant shadow on science fiction and TV drama as a whole. If you haven't seen the wonderful Quatermass and The Pit, then you really, really should.

The Unelectable John Kerry

John Kerry has once again proved why he lost the 2004 Presidential Election to the reprehensible George W Bush - he can't help but shoot himself in the foot when he opens his elongated mouth. Coming off the back of the "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it" that arguably lost him the Presidency, he comes out with this humdinger:

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well.
If you don't you get stuck in Iraq."

The clarification that it was a botched joke, that he was trying to mock Bush, is simply not good enough. It implies that soldiers fighting in Iraq are stupid, or lazy, or both. Kerry is an intelligent, highly educated man. Whether or not he did mis-speak, and as a former lawyer and current lawmaker his attention to detail should be able to say what he means, is irrelevant. He will have confirmed in the eyes of many Americans preparing to vote that the Democrats are eltist and snobs, that they look down on those who have to do the grunt work, that they look down on those who go out to fight and die.

The Democrats must be loving Kerry at the moment - not only did he fuck up winning the White House in 2004, now he seems to be working hard to fuck up the mid-terms.

But there is another reason why Kerry's mistake is egregious - a perhaps more fundamental reason. He has actually touched on something crucial - that a lot of those who have to go off and fight for the US in wars actually come from poor, or ill-educated, or deprived backgrounds. Sure, that is a generalisation, and Kerry himself is an example of someone who came from a prosperous background and who fought for America. But Kerry had the choice - he chose to fight in Vietnam - had he not wanted to, he could easily have stayed at home (as Bush Jnr did). In one of the few poignant, and non-partisan, moments in Michael Moore's hysterically liberal Farenheit 9/11 a mother explains why she has told her children to join the army:

"So I, as a mother, started teaching my children... about the options that the military could do. They would take them around the world. They'd see all the things that I,as a mother, couldn't let them see. It'd pay for their education that I, as their mother and father, couldn't pay... The military is an excellent option for the people of Flint."

The poor and the uneducated in America have no choice - they can join the military, or they can be unemployed. The draft has gone, and been replaced by economic conscription.

As the effective figurehead of the Democratic movement, Kerry could - and should - be highlighting this is an issue for the US. The Democrats should be campaigning on it, and pointing out that those on the ground in Iraq (and, lest we forget, Afghanistan) do not have the breaks and the background of the incumbent President. Some may chose to fight, others are fighting because they have no choice.

Instead Kerry went for the cheap shot, and fucked up a strikingly unfunny dig at Bush. And in doing so he has missed the chance to raise a crucial issue and also may have damaged his party's chances of gaining control of the House and the Senate.

Kerry, shut up and go away.

Michael Martin, Labour Party Whore

Because who is the next Labour leader is irrelevant to all but the Labour Party. Whoever is the next motherfucking, arsing leader of the Labour Party, and therefore this shitting country, is irrelevant. Christ on a trike, thank fucking Jesus the bastard leader of the twatting House of Commons is bi-partisan.

Michael Martin. What a cunt.

Hat tip to Liz for pointing out to me that this had happened in the first place.

Alec Baldwin Speaks!

Alec Baldwin has a bitch about the voice-over work he has done for the Governator being manipulated. I struggle to take Alec Baldwin seriously. In fact, whenever I hear his name, I cannot help but think of the song from Team America: World Police:

You are worthless, Alec Baldwin
You are worthless, Alec Baldwin
You failed in every way and now my stock in you has fallen.
Your career is stalling’ and you’re worthless, Alec Baldwin
That’s why I blew your head off
And your children are all Baldwin

Full lyrics here. If you haven't heard the full version, you really should.