Foot In Mouth Disease - Young Edition

While there might be the possibility of making the case for what he said, you really do have to wonder just what the hell Lord Young thought he was doing when he said this:

"...the vast majority of people in the country today, they have never had it so good ever since this recession - this so-called recession - started."

He pointed to the savings that "most people" had made on their mortgages as a result of interest rates remaining at 0.5% for the past 18 months.

See, I have no media training whatsoever - and, more often than not, a deaf ear to what it is right or wrong to say at any given moment - but even I can see just how craptacular it is to use the phrase "never had it so good" in relation to this recession. What sort of a special kind of moron do you have to be to think "yep, yep, that's what I want to say to a media outlet that will then reproduce my words to as wider an audience as possible?"

Still, we should take the time to note that one Ed Miliband is on hand to give us some unexpected and, no doubt, unintentional humour - as the BBC reports:

Labour leader Ed Miliband said Lord Young's initial appointment reflected badly on the prime minister as the peer was "out of touch with people".

Ed Miliband - one of the former playthings of the ever-odious Gordon Brown - should know about people being out of touch. After all, it came to be one of the defining features of the last Labour government of which he was a senior member...

Joe Biden, Taxes and Foot in Mouth Disease

A little story about US Vice-President Joe Biden putting his foot squarely in his mouth in a frozen custard store:

Then it got really bad. Biden engaged the owner in conversation. "What do we owe you?" he asked, licking a cone. "Lower our taxes and we'll call it even," the owner replied.

Leave it there, Joe! Don't do it!

But no, Biden just had to answer back, for the benefit of the cable news channels. "Why don't you say something nice instead of being a smartass all the time? Say something nice," he snorted.

In fairness, Biden claimed that he was "just kidding" with the owner. Which he may well have been, but it is still a very stupid retort and one that is perhaps more revealing about Biden's thought process than he might like. There is nothing wrong with asking for lower taxes - it isn't a nasty comment, and it certainly isn't being a smartass (despite what The Guardian inevitably implies at the very end of the article). Biden appears to be demonstrating the arrogance that has become an epidemic among politicians on both sides of the Atlantic - that the tax we pay is their money to spend, rather than something they should be looking to minimise on behalf of those they claim to represent.

I suppose that America can at least be grateful that their Vice-President tries to engage with the public - even if it is in a patronising and dismissive way. It is certainly very different from the example set by... I don't know, Gordon Brown - who might disagree with a voter, but would say nothing to them or about them until he was safely in his car.

Brown and the Bigoted Woman

Ok, we've all been there. We've had a difficult conversation with someone, and then we've said something about them and been overheard when we thought we were out of earshot. And that's what basically happened to Brown today. He was caught out.

And you know what? He was sort of right. The woman was arguably bigoted in some of her opinions. And Brown has a right to express his opinion about her. So why does this matter? Why, given all the things that Brown has done wrong in his time in politics, will this probably be the thing that kills his career once and for all?

Because he said it behind her back. He revealed himself, once again, to be a coward.

He's allowed to disagree with the woman, and he's allowed to think that she is bigoted. But offering a few platitudes before he runs back to his car and disappears is frankly pathetic. If he disagreed with her, he should have challenged her. He should have explained why he thought she was wrong, and debated with her. He is a leader in a democracy fighting an election, for fuck's sake. Now more than ever, he should be willing to engage with the people explain his own views, and discuss why he doesn't agree with others.

Don't forget that this is Gordon Brown - the self-styled conviction politician. Some fucking conviction politician, Gordo, if you are afraid to engage with an old woman who used to be a member of your party when she expresses her own opinions, and asks you questions.

As such, it is difficult to know how this could be much worse for Brown. Arguably, things would have been better had he insulted this woman to her face, or argued with her and lost. At least that way, he might have retained something approaching dignity from this sorry situation. But as it stands, Brown could not appear more pathetic - the bullying little man who runs away from old ladies, only to insult them behind their backs when he thinks they, and the rest of the nation, aren't listening.

Gordon Brown: absolutely pathetic.

Gordon Brown Meets His Public (Part II)

Further evidence - as if any was needed - of the basic misanthropy of the Prime Minister and why any campaign strategy that has him exposed to people and their views is destined to be disastrous.

Camping and earthquakes

There are few politicians more capable of putting their feet straight in their mouths as Silvio Berlusconi, as he shows with his frankly staggering comments on the recent earthquake:

"They have medicaments. They have hot food. They have shelter for the night," he said.

"Of course, their current lodgings are a bit temporary. But they should see it like a weekend of camping."

Destroyed homes, refugees, thousands of injuries and hundreds of deaths - like a camping weekend?!? Jesus fucking Christ, what sort of camping weekends has Berlusconi been on?

Insulting Random Celebrities

We’ve all been in the situation. You’re at the pub with some friends. You’ve had a long day. And you start talking about someone. Maybe someone who has pissed you off over the course of that day. Maybe someone who really gets on your tits anyway. Or just a random person who has shredded your nerves. And you lay into them a bit. It is not big, it is not clever, but you do it anyway. Because you think you are doing it behind their back.

The problem is that they are actually behind your back, listening to every word you have to say.

I’ve been in that situation a few times before. And, last week, I managed to take it to a new high. Oh yes, I managed to diss a minor celebrity without realising he was sat behind me.

I was in a pub in Central London with a mate. He told me that he had been in the same pub the previous, where he had seen that guy from some BBC sitcom. After a certain amount of discussion, we established who he was talking about. The actor it turns out, is starring in a play just across the road. It looks smashing. If by "smashing" you mean "tedious crap".

My mate said “that’ll be why I saw him, then. Because he’s in that play."

Me: “Yeah, makes sense.”

My mate: “It doesn’t look great, does it?”

Me (a little too loudly): “Doesn’t look great? It looks like total fucking shite to me. I mean, seriously. The crap that somehow ends up on the stage. Does my head in.”

At which point my mate half smiled, half looked shocked. And with a gentle point he indicated to me that the celebrity in question was sat at the bar, well within earshot. He stayed there for about 10 minutes, his lanky frame hunched over the bar, before he got up and left. Looking mightily pissed off.

Of course, he might not have heard me. But I almost hope he did. In fact, I hope he did hear me, and went off, really motivated to prove me wrong, and gave the performance of his life and turned that risible looking production he currently stars in into theatre gold. And I hope everyone who saw the play enjoyed it. In fact, anyone who enjoyed Kris Marshall in Fat Pig last week should track me down and buy me a beer. If only so I can slag off other people completely unintentionally and without any provocation other than a deep distrust of the theatre.