Random Observations #3

The 2012 Olympics are already deeply tedious, and we haven't even reached 2012 yet. Any chance we could all just pretend that they had already happened, and therefore skip further Olympics related tedium?

Random Observations #2

Number of random nutters at the bus station this morning: 3.

Number of random nutters who want to have a conversation with me: 3.

You can reach your own conclusion based on those stats.

Random Observations #1

To the makers of Felix "As good as it looks" cat food: it doesn't look that good. In fact, it looks like shredded chunks of dead animal in fatty jelly. The cats love it because, I suspect, it is the feline equivalent of KFC. But given how it looks to this human, you might want to work on your marketing just a wee bit.

This article, which spoofs religion, intelligent design and Richard Dawkins while coming up with new comical euphemisms about breasts and bums, is an testament to the ongoing genius of The Daily Mash.

Friday Fun

Slightly surprised to find, in my spam folder this morning, an e-mail from long dead philosopher Socrates. Very surprised and slightly disappointed to see he'd written to me about Viagra.

Still, this does open up a whole range of new careers for long dead philosophers. I look forward to Aristotle offering Discount Pharmacy products, Kant offering Hot College Chicks and Hegel offering me the chance to share in the estate of a dead UN operative who left unclaimed millions in their untimely demise in a plane crash.

A Curmudgeonly, Contradictory and Largely Pointless Post About Blogging

The launch of Dale & Co managed to provoke a hearty sigh of apathy from me. It’s not that I hold Dale or any of his writers in particular contempt; it is more about the fact that we just do not need another blog, let alone another mega-blog. The truth is that the blogging world long ago reached saturation point, and adding to it makes bugger all difference. There are already hundreds, if not thousands, of voices (my own included) chuntering away to tiny audiences who often only pay the minimal amount of attention possible to the output of their chosen blogs; bringing a load of those voices together doesn’t really increase the chances of those voices being hear – it just means that there is one site to pay fleeting attention to rather than several.

Part of the problem is a lack of perspective from those involved in the blogging world. Dale, for example, is a big man in a tiny pond. Those who blog will have heard about him; those who don’t probably won’t, unless they have a really anal memory for the anodyne talking heads who appear on the news on occasion to discuss the latest political developments. And what impact has perhaps the most famous blogger, Guido Fawkes, actually achieved? The resignation of Damian McBride and the temporary resignation of Peter Hain. Yeah, arguably good work, but it is hardly the dawn of a brave new world now, is it?

I do understand that some of the mega-blogs have been created, in part, to allow writers feeling blogging fatigue (and who wouldn’t feel that after years of churning out the same sort of warnings about the loss of freedom in this country only to be ignored by all and sundry?) to have the pressure of producing daily posts lessened through sharing that burden with others. But that doesn’t change the fact that blogs remain on the periphery of political life in this country.

Of course, this sort of slightly bitter and weary post does raise the question of why I continue to blog given I basically see it as pointless*. And I struggle to answer that question effectively, other than to say that this blog is a mix of me thinking aloud and down to the fact that I like to write. The fact that a few people choose to read my ramblings and occasionally comment on them is a source of constant surprise to me. But I am very aware that what I write here is largely missives into an abyss, and that would not really change if I chose to write again for a mega-blog.

So I’m not saying that people shouldn’t blog, or that they shouldn’t combine their efforts in the hope of making blogging easier and raising the profile of their writing. All I would say is that something like the launch of Dale & Co may seem like a big deal in the incestuous, inward looking blogging world actually means remarkably little outside in our wider society.

*The day will come, sooner or later, when I will stop, and the lights will go out here for good. We’re not quite there yet, but the Appalling Strangeness is not a project with an indefinite shelf life.

Anyone know what has happened to LPUK?

Not that I want to rejoin or anything - perfectly happy not to be a member of any political party in future - but rather because I'm planning to update my blogroll and if the party has finally gone to political heaven then there's no point in it or its redudnant blog having a link here.

"I owe my life to smoking"

This blog was set-up primarily to discuss politics, with occasional forays into other areas that I find interesting. Yesterday, this blog had its biggest day ever by a country mile in terms of visits, with over 900 people stopping by. And what was the big story that made the vast majority of visitors stop by? The previous day's review of Doctor Who.

I'm fully aware that there are other, and better, websites to head to for a daily fix of politics. But that isn't going to stop me, just for a little bit, from believing that Doctor Who has finally become more importat that politics - just as I knew it would always do...

Sparky's Magic Piano Remixed and Re-imagined.

Simultaneously hilarious and deeply bad taste:



Well, it is a Saturday.

Those who know me will have clocked that I'm not the tidiest of people. In fact, scruffy would probably be the best way to describe my appearance most days. I've never, for example, been big on doing those things that others do daily - like spending time combing my hair. But if I was running for public office - even for a District Councillor role in a very sleepy part of the country - I'd probably make a bit of an effort. Unlike this chap running on behalf of UKIP:

With the best will in the world, he looks pretty mental.

Charlie Sheen Live!

The fan response to the recent Charlie Sheen live show:

Fans walked out chanting "Refund!" and were quick to express their disappointment outside.

Sorry, but precisely what were you all expecting from an addict in meltdown? Witty erudition? Sublime eloquence? An evening with Peter Ustinov? It's a bit like going to see Shane MacGowan live, and then expressing dismay that he was slurring his words.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'd have been disappointed if I'd paid to see that show. But I avoid that disappointment by not going to see that show. And anyone who did otherwise is either naive or stupid as far as I am concerned.

You wanted to see someone in meltdown; you did see someone in meltdown. Just 'cause you found out that it wasn't as entertaining as Withnail and I...

As a tribute to William Shatner on his 80th birthday, I give you one of his most subtle, nuanced and clever performances:

Pancake Day

Joy Division, Playmobil Style

An Open Letter to Recruitment Consultants

Dear Recruitment Consultants of the World,

I know you have to work hard in order to make your job adverts stand out from the crowd, and sometimes a quirky title can help to achieve that. But, as a professionally qualified candidate, I do feel I should warn you that, more often than not, a quirky advert title makes you stand out for all the wrong reasons.

For example, IMMEDIATE START!!! is useless, because it tells me nothing about the job, other than it starts immediately. Of course, it could be the perfect job for me, or it could be flipping burgers in a fast-food restaurant. The point is I don’t know, and when other recruiters actually take the time to tell me what they are advertising, the chances are I am going to click on their adverts rather than your one. The same goes for DO YOU HATE YOUR CURRENT JOB!?! Well, yes, thanks for asking; but there’s nothing in your advert title to make me think that I might like the job you’ve got on any more than my current one. Likewise, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE FUN AT WORK AGAIN? as a title will get the answer “yes”, but still tells me precisely nothing about what the job is. My idea of fun may be very different from your idea of fun, and I’m reluctant to waste valuable seconds of my life clicking on your job advert to compare our differing conceptions of having a good time at work.

My point is this; if you want to someone like me to click on one of your adverts, then I need to see what the job title is. If there is no indication of what the job is, then I’m going to wonder why. And I’m going to wonder what is so bad about the role you’re recruiting for that you have to hide it behind a banal, sorry quirky, ad title. Put simply, these sort of shit titles might work well if you’re looking for slack-jawed chuggers to financially molest people on the streets of Britain, but for any job with just a little bit more professionalism and to attract candidates who conduct themselves with just a little bit more dignity than the chugging scum, you need to come up with an ad title that is more professional and more informative.

Best,
The Nameless Libertarian.

How to win Come Dine With Me

Yes, I occasionally watch Come Dine With Me. Sure, it's often a bit ghastly and you end up thinking that you would never, ever want to have dinner with any of the contestants. Or even visit their home towns. But watching it is fascinating in some ways, and it is good TV to watch when you don't particularly want to use too much of your brain.

But if you do happen to watch it with even a little bit of your brain turned on, then you'll realise that the contestants often make the same stunningly stupid mistakes. So here it is; my guide of how to win Come Dine With Me. Or at least not lose it badly.

1. Don't go on the show if you are a fussy eater. Seriously, why would you? If you don't like fish, or vegetables, or something else that is almost certain to crop up in one of the menus at some point during the week, then you're not going to have a great time. This isn't a game for those who aren't open to trying new things, just as a sprinting race might not be the right contest for those who don't like running.

2. You're a guest at someone's dinner party, not a paying customer at someone's restaurant. That means that your host is entitled to conduct the dinner party in whatever way they see fit. Sure, you might not agree with them - and you can reflect that in the scoring - but for fuck's sake, don't bellyache about a Muslim host not giving you wine, or a vegetarian host not preparing meat for you. It is their dinner party, you are their guest; grin and bear it even if you don't like it.

3. When you're cooking your own meal, do as much preparation as possible in advance. You're going to be entertaining three to four other people in front of a film crew; in the evening, time will not be on your side. And as an FYI, preparation does not mean getting slaughtered in your own kitchen before the guests even arrive.

4. Cooking will be highly pressurised and there is a real potential for things to go wrong - therefore your Come Dine With Me meal is probably not the best time to try something new, or to go for something you've tried before and went wrong. Do something you know how to do; a well-prepared but safe meal will earn far more points than a badly cooked but adventurous disaster.

But there is one rule - one golden rule that cannot be broken if someone wishes to win this particular competition. And it is this: don't be a dick. This is a popularity contest, people will be voting on you as well as on your food. Therefore, coming across as arrogant, dismissive, boorish, oafish or any other way of winding people up the wrong way is not going to help you to win. In fact, quite the opposite is true; even if you cook the best meal in the world, you still won't win. The simple truth is that people aren't going to vote for dicks. Don't believe me? Just ask Gordon Brown...

While I struggle to write something coherent about student protests, I'll leave my beloved readers with this - the ever awesome attempt to sell perhaps the worst idea for a film ever. Enjoy.