Blogging will be intermittent at best over the next couple of weeks. Posts may appear, they may not. I'm pretty sure that, either way, the world will keep on training.

An Epic Summer Recess

I always wonder why it is presented as something that is in some way comforting when the House of Commons returns from a recess to debate a key issue of the day. Why would a bunch of self-important, indolent and self-serving gobshites pontificating on riots or on phone hacking make a blind bit of fucking difference out there in the real world? No doubt the rioters are now shitting themselves and would never dare to rob a Foot Locker again, and all because Cameron and Miliband returned (no doubt briefly) to the Commons to engage in an extended bout of meaningless posturing.

But what is really striking is that this is the second time that the Commons has been recalled from its recess since it began about halfway through July. I don’t care that there have been two crises in that short space of time; rather, I’m staggered by just how many recesses the Commons has awarded itself and how long the summer recess is. MPs don’t have to attend the Commons from 19th July to 5th September this year, and then they’re back for a whopping 10 days before getting a Conference recess from 15th September to 10th October. Yeah, I know that they have constituency duties, but effectively from late June until mid-October MPs are doing at best half their jobs, and they aren’t doing one of the crucial things they are elected to do; they aren’t debating legislation, they aren’t legislating, and they are not governing despite being, y'know, the government. I feel some relief that they aren’t adding to the legislative burden of this country for much of what we laughably call the summer**, but I’m staggered given the amount they are paid and the role they do (governing, for fuck’s sake) which apparently still allows them to take a large swathe of the summer off. Because, as the hacking scandal and the riots show, politics does not stop just because we are in the summer months.

It would be too much to state that the feckless indolence of much of the population is the result of the feckless indolence of the parliamentarians who apparently see nothing wrong with taking the majority of the summer off*** - I suspect that most people don’t know about the recess and probably don’t care. But there is a concept called “leading by example”; our MPs expect us to follow them but time and time again they show a steadfast refusal to demonstrate why we should follow them or actually consider them to be leaders. At a time when the economy is struggling and disaffection with politicians is running at an all-time high, a starting point to turn this situation around could be our MPs starting to work at full pelt not just in parts of the year, but across the whole year. Which is not too much to ask, surely?

*Or in the case of Gordon Brown, pretty much at all.
**Given this positively autumnal August.
***There are some who have argued that the summer recess would be reduced – such as former MP Chris Mullin. The fact that their aruments have made sod all difference is probably a good indicator of the mindset of those who sit in the Commons.

Well, I'm off for a week to Japan, on a very belated honeymoon. Rest assured, though, loyal reader(s) - there will still be occasional posts appearing on this blog. Mainly using the medium of YouTube. But don't expect there to be anything too topical; I won't be updating this blog even if something exciting does happen in the world. In fact, I'm sort of hopeful that I won't even get to hear about it until I get back.

When I do return, rest assured that I will be dealing with the most important issues of the day. Namely, a review of the Doctor Who episode Victory of the Daleks...

Nadine Dorries: We're All Going On A Summer Holiday!"

Nadine Dorries, on "form":

I am taking August off, as I do every year. The truth is that MPs of all parties work very hard on behalf of their constituencies and work very, very long hours in a stressful pressure cooker.

I think a lot of people who don't work in the extraordinary environment of Parliament would love a full month off each summer. But because their employers won't allow it, they can't do so. However Nadine appears more than happy to ignore her employers - her constituents - for a good month each year. If I was one of her employers/constituents, then I would be looking at replacing Nadine with another employee, who perhaps is less willing to take a solid month off each summer. 

And all this talk about long hours and the pressure cooker environment would create more sympathy if MPs didn't choose their life style. They choose to run, they choose to enter the Commons and they choose to stay in government. If it is really that bad, then Nadine and the other whiners should just stand down. You won't find too many people mourning the loss of such politicians either...

Would you ever see a newspaper headline ‘teachers take six weeks summer holiday? Never, because there are too many teachers who buy newspapers, not a good commercial move.

You might not see that headline, but it doesn't stop people from making comments about it. Besides, it was my understanding that the best teachers work hard both in term time and over the holidays. During the latter period they do lesson plans etc. Interesting, though, that Dorries notes that criticising teachers is not a good commercial move. Because her words could be construed as an attack on teachers and their holidays - something that can't be an astute political move on her part. 

I will be away all of August, like I am every year and unlike every other year, this time I won’t be phoning the office twice a day as I have for the last four years. Those days are over.

So, in the year when your expense claims are dragged into the spotlight and you are criticised heavily for the way you have behaved, you announce publicly that you are going to have no interaction with your constituency for a whole month? Smart move, there, Nads. Hopefully it will be noted by your constituents, and - combined with your more outrageous expense claims - will make the case for your constituents electing someone else at the next opportunity extremely strong.

Holiday Loyalty and Holiday Snaps

So, despite the muted opposition of Robin, the Boy Blunder, the vultures are being seen off by the support of perhaps the greatest politicians in the history of the world:

Alistair Darling, Harriet Harman and John Denham have declared their support for Gordon Brown.

At least Gordon can rely on the support of an incompetent, skunk faced cunt, a woman who if she was not able to define herself as a feminist would cease to exist altogether and a minor minister who no-one really gives a fuck about anyway. With supporters like these, who really needs enemies?

But I predict that the speculation about Brown will die down a bit. Mainly because everyone (at least in the political mainstream) is on holiday. And even Gordon Brown, perhaps the most incompetent politician in living memory, will struggle to fuck up whilst he doesn’t have to do anything. And consequently it will be far easier for Darling et al to support Brown whilst he can't actually fuck up. The speculation will begin again once he is back from holiday, and he gets to illustrate just what an uber-cunt he is on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis.

However, even whilst on holiday, the Labour leader still manages to appear awkward and somehow almost inhuman. This is one of his holiday snaps:


I mean, seriously, who wanders around, by the water, wearing a grey jacket? Could he look anymore awkward? Could he look any less like he wants to be on holiday? Every photo that has been taken on Gordon Brown whilst he is on holiday seems to show him as a man who just can’t stop being formal. In everyone of his holiday snaps, he looks like the bastard offspring of Alan Partridge and Mr Bean. What is worse is that these snaps are clearly photo opportunities. Even when Brown stages the event, he still looks completely inhuman and out of place.

Compare those photos with young Hug A Husky Cameron’s:


Yes, he falls into the trap that all men who wear shorts fall into – he looks like a total tool. But at least he looks like a man on holiday, and a man who wants to be there. You get the impression Cameron likes being on holiday, and likes every now and again not having to work. You don’t get the same vibe from Brown – he looks like someone who has been forced to go on holiday, and is hating every second of it.

Which is Gordon Brown’s tragedy. He is a workaholic who is quite simply shit at his job. If the man wasn’t such an out and out tosser, I would almost feel sorry for him. But since he is a cunt of the highest order, I genuinely hope he has a miserable holiday and a miserable return to work. And until he stops burdening the country with his pasty white face and his egregious, misanthropic outlook, I hope every day is fucking misery for him.