The Absolute Incompetence of Our Government

It is difficult to know who pissed me off the most when I was trapped in Japan: the airline, who were total cunts; the people who sold us the bus tickets, who underestimated the duration of the journey by 24 hours; the Danes on the bus who showed themselves to be complete and total selfish wankers; hell, there is no shortage of potential candidates. But I think the people who pissed me off the most were the British government.

Don't get me wrong, I had minimal interactions with the government while I was away. The only things I did was to have a brief conversation with the British embassy in Japan, and then ignore the advice on offer from the government via the media. But the government's behaviour during the course of this crisis has been both shameful and utterly incompetent. Put very simply, the government do not give a flying fuck about its own citizens.

Let's look at the evidence. Initially, as this arsing volcano began to pump disruptive ash into the sky, the government acted quickly - by closing British air space. But they never seemed to stop and consider what this would mean for British people who were trapped abroad. In fact, the government was so apathetic towards those who couldn't get home that all the embassies closed over the weekend. People were trapped abroad, living in airports, with no real way of reaching the government that is supposed to represent them and their interests.

It might not sound like much - having to stay in an airport - but then you have to factor in that many people in those airports did not have the money to pay to eat. Or wash. People also had limited medication for conditions like epilepsy, diabetes and asthma. The longer people have to stay in an airport, the more likely it is that people would get ill. And possibly very ill. But the government didn't seem to do anything until Monday/Tuesday. They didn't seem to stop and think of the implications of people being stranded. They really did not seem to care.

But in the end they did seem to come up with a plan. They told everyone to go to Spain, where they would be rescued by the Navy. Of course, those with no money couldn't afford to travel to Spain, and for those in countries like, say, Japan, there is no direct flight to Spain. But it turned out to be irrelevant anyway, because the government had no intention of getting the Navy out to Spain. CNN was reporting on Wednesday evening that the government instead was busing people, fifty at a time, to Calais.

And then the plan changed again. Everyone now had to get themselves to Calais. Where they... could wait for a ferry. And from the stories I was getting on Thursday, that could be a long wait. Stories were circulating of duvets and blankets being handed out in Calais, because there was no way of getting the sheer number of people needing to get back in reasonable time. The government fucked the people who got to Spain, and who got to Calais. And it also created chaos in both Northern Spain and Calais, by offering advice without thinking about what impact that advice would have. It shafted those stranded abroad and in doing so, it shafted France and Spain. A magnificently shitty piece of work from a government who have come to almost define incompetence.

Thomas Hobbes said that the only reason why we should give power to a sovereign/government is if that sovereign/government can guarantee our security. The government over the past week has shown just how little it cared for the security and the well-being of a great many of its citizens stranded abroad. Now Hobbes was quite clear on what should happen if a sovereign/government ceased to look after its people - it should be replaced. So let's remember this government's cack-handed and indifferent treatment of those people stranded abroad by a natural disaster, and let's work together to ensure that this piss awful government is replaced once and for all.

The Stamp Duty Farce

Fresh from his guest star billing at the Angry Baby Man's blog, The Moai has sent a couple of interesting links to me. To quote one of them:

'..Estate agents suggested yesterday that buyers might step away from sales amid the uncertainty over stamp duty, stalling the market between now and when any such decision is taken, which could be as late as October...'

The Moai says: It astonishes me that, through dithering, GB's govt is making things even worse, even when they try to help.... can they get ANYTHING right?

Any regular readers will know my answer to that question. No.

But seriously, just how fucking dumb is this government and the badger faced turd who represents it? I posted yesterday about how this policy probably won't work - now it becomes clear that not only might it not work, but it is actually fucking up the very market it is trying to help. Fuck me, how fucking stupid is that?

To say this government is incompetent is a massive, massive understatement. They are the shittest government in living memory; the very definition of utter crap. We would literally be better off with having a brain dead person as Chancellor. A brain dead person cannot, by very definition, do anything. Whereas Darling can - and with his inverted Midas touch, everything he goes near turns to absolute shite.

So a plea to Darling, and Brown, and any other cockwad in the Cabinet who is thinking about announcing or implementing a policy - don't do it. In fact, don't do anything. Please, for the sake of the nation, stop doing stuff. Every time you do, it goes wrong. The country will be better off if you stagnate and literally don't do nothing.

And you'd probably be more popular if you do fuck all, as well.

Britain's railways: Redefining Shite.

There are a number of reasons why, this morning, I am a testy, prickly ball of quiet rage this morning. I’m not going to detail them all – let’s be honest, hearing the ins and outs of a blogger’s life is like having a stroke – tremendously dull, life sapping and pointless for everyone involved. However, I will share one cause of consternation, as I am sure others will feel the same way. I’m talking about the rail network in this country.

The railway system in this country is the transport equivalent of a paranoid schizophrenic. Incapable of working and jarringly all over the place, the rail system will really fuck you up if you go anywhere near it. Seriously, going on a train journey at the moment is like being slashed in the face by a madman. Actually, having your face slashed by a nutter is actually preferable on some levels. At least it is over quicker than your average train journey.

To explain, this weekend I did the epic voyage that is travelling to the Midlands. When I was a kid, the journey (both ways) took just under two hours. This weekend, it lasted for over six. There’s progress for you. An extra four hours of my life disappearing into the ether, watching cows shitting in fields and observing just how rundown and crap life seems to be in and around Britain’s stations.

It all began several weeks ago, when I went online to buy the tickets. I always buy in advance. That way it is cheaper. Actually, no, scrap that. That way it is less gut wrenchingly expensive. Looking at the price I paid for an advance ticket I cannot help but think “sweet Jesus titty fucking Christ, I’m glad I paid in advance. Had I paid full price, I would have had to take a second job just to be able to afford the ticket.”

Then I turned up at the station. To find the train I was on did not exist. Never the best of starts. So I went and asked the good people of Virgin Trains for assistance. Actually, saying “good people of Virgin Trains” is a little bit inaccurate. They actually had the interpersonal skills of Josef Stalin with a bout of depression. To put these people in a customer service position is like putting a spree killer in a gun shop – a disaster waiting to happen.

Anyway, having spoken to four different people and been insulted, patronised and lied to, I eventually found my train. And, after a good three hours, one train journey and one coach journey, I arrived at my destination. Feeling as exhausted as one might after a bout of radiation sickness. You know your journey is not going well when you are sat in what looked like a barn in Northampton station, waiting for a bus.

The journey back wasn’t much better. Again, the train/train and bus/whatever didn’t exist. Cue a forty minute wait in a station reception hall for a coach back to Northampton. Somewhat amazingly, there was a train waiting. It was the coldest train in the history of the world, leaving me with chills down my spine on the hottest day of the year. Still at least there was a train there.

And in fairness, the train conductor apologised for all the fucking around that was going on. A grudging apology, mind. When he apologised for the delays he was quick to blame Network Rail. So it was the sort of apology that went “I’m sorry but it is not my fault”. So not a genuine apology really. He did offer complaint forms that one could get from his office (seriously, an office on the train?! The trains don’t run on time but the conductor has an office on board!) but he added the caveat that there weren’t many of them. In other words, you can complain, but you’d better do it quick or you will miss out!

I was tempted to grab a complaint form – any readers of this blog will know I love a good moan – but seriously, what would be the point? Virgin will say “not our fault, we’re passing the problem to Network Rail.” Network Rail will say “can’t do anything about it, we’re passing this on to the government.” And the government will say “ha ha! Fuck you!” Spending five minutes filling in their form would be a further waste of my pointless life. It would be more effective if I just wrote “you are a bunch of fucking cuntwads” on the form and posted it to them. It would still be ignored, but at least I would feel better for having vented a little bit.

I don’t know how to cure the ills of the railway system. Nationalisation, a regulated monopoly, firebombing the whole fucking network and trying again; I genuinely don’t know what the solution is. But whatever happens, something needs to change. Because the rail network in this country currently offers the levels of service and efficiency that one might associate with a post apocalyptic wasteland. Rather than a developed nation in the year 2008.

ID Cards - A Softer Sell

According to Sky News, government ministers are changing their tack on ID cards. Instead of blatantly trying to ram them down our throats through fear, they are going to use a softer sell to ram them down our throats.

Instead of government ministers and police officers talking tough and insisting they need us to carry ID cards to beat terrorism, the emphasis will shift to persuading us that we'll be missing out if we fail to sign up to the scheme.

My gut instinct says "I’ll miss out then, thank you very much."

But the government has anticipated that sort of response. And now we have the muted threat behind the ID card scheme – that you are just going to miss out on some things, but really miss out on crucial things:

'Entitlement' seems to be the buzzword. The card being portrayed as the way we can access the state benefits and public services that we're entitled to.

Right. So I still have to pay for an ID card to access services that I am already entitled to and have already paid for. Jesus Christ, that is a bit of a mind fuck. It is like Tesco saying "I know you’ve just bought your weekly shop, paid for it ‘n’ all, but we’re not going to let you take those goods until that you are entitled to and have paid for until you have signed up for a Clubcard. Oh, and we are going to charge you a small fucking fortune for the Clubcard as well."They'd be out of business within a week.

It doesn’t matter how you try to sell ID cards; it doesn’t matter whether you use a soft or hard sell. It doesn’t matter if you market them using Bob the Builder singing "Happy Talk". They are still an expensive mistake. They are still a shit idea. Ultimately, they are still a very dangerous idea.

The government seems to think it can change the minds of those who oppose ID cards using this sort of mindless, facile tactic. No, you won’t change our minds because we know ID cards are wrong.

The Nu Labour Government

Data missing. Again. Lost by our "government".

Incompetent shower of incompetent cunts. They really are. This is someone's fucking identity, for Christ's sake. Actually, scratch that. It is 3 million people's identities. Add that to the other 25 million who have been royally screwed by the brainless toads in this government, and you've potentially got the data of 28 million people lost behind the filing cabinet. Or in the hands of someone who is looking to exploit it. Government can't tell you. Because they haven't got a clue where this data is.

The loss of this data should not only be the death knell for the ID cards programme, but also for any residual hope that this government is capable of looking after anything. They should be hounded from office and forced into whatever jobs they are actually capable of doing.

Which is, presumably, shovelling shit at a pig farm.