The first paragraph of a news report on the BBC website containing precisely zero surprises:

The government has been accused by MPs of showing a "real lack of concern" for people affected by its programme of 2,500 post office closures.

If anything, I'd critique that for being a little too long and a little too wordy. Let's make it flow a little better and, by doing so, make it far more comprehensive:

The government has been accused by MPs of showing a "real lack of concern" for people.

Yeah, that's spot on.

Royal Mail Wasters: Take Your Employers to Court!

The latest from the CWU - those people who are breaking the postal service in this country and making sure you don't get your mail:

The Communication Workers Union (CWU) is going to the High Court on Friday to seek an injunction preventing Royal Mail from using 30,000 agency workers.

It accuses Royal Mail of using agency workers as strike breakers to do the work of CWU members involved in the continuing UK-wide industrial dispute.

Now, the Royal Mail claim they aren't using agency workers as strike breakers. Far be it from me to contradict them, but I can kind of see why people might think they are employing peps to minimise the impact of this strike. And you know what? Good on 'em. So they fucking should get people in to replace those who are striking for reasons that defy understanding.

See, when it is all said and done, the Royal Mail is a business. And its business is delivering the mail. It has to do this to stay in business. Already, businesses across the country who rely on home delivery for their services are switching to other providers. If this goes on, then the Royal Mail is going to bleed to death. All of its main clients will go elsewhere. So its management are doing what they have to do to help this business survive.

So the strikers should be thanking rather than suing the Royal Mail for looking after the best interests of that business at a time when the employees are being totally irresponsible. The Royal Mail's management is doing what is necessary to ensure that there is some sort of company for the strikers to go back and work for. Which, if these strikes continue to disrupt service as much as they have been, is by no means guaranteed.

Royal Mail Wasters: Striking. Again.

Apparently, those crazy coves working for the Royal Mail are on strike again. Jesus. I hadn't noticed that the last strike had stopped. Mainly because there is no tangible difference in service between when the Royal Mail is working and when the workshy bastards are taking a day off.

Regular readers will know that I criticise the Royal Mail a lot, so maybe it is time to redress the balance. I have to say that their customer care line is very good. The people there listen to your problems, use both sympathy and empathy in the right way at the right time, and concede fault and apologise when appropriate. Compared to something like the BT Broadband helpline, which led to me be patronised by some sort of anal geek about the semantic difference between a landline phone and a hub phone before he refused to explain what had gone wrong in the first place, the Royal Mail helpline is frankly outstanding.

Unfortunately, one suspects, the reason why they are so good is because they get - owing to the actions of other workers within Royal Mail - a lot of practice in dealing with irate customers. It is one thing to offer good customer service in the event of something going wrong; it is a far more preferable situation to offer good customer service from the outset and not lead people to have to complain. Because that is the difference between BT Broadband and the Royal Mail - the former I have only had to call once in 6 months. Given the Royal Mail's inability to deliver a fucking parcel, calls to their helpline are a regular occurrence.

So strike away, people. Not for the first time I note that it makes bugger all difference to the levels of service you offer whether you actually turn up in the morning or not.

Royal Mail Wasters and Junk Mail

Regular readers will know that I am not a fan of the Royal Mail or their fucking strike. But it turns out that a BBC Have Your Say waster finds the silver lining to that strike:

I won't have any junk mail.

So says Marion Monahan of Bristol. Probably worth pointing out, Marion, that you won't get any mail during the strike, although I suspect that you don't get that much mail - or, indeed, that much interaction with just about anyone - anyway. But you might still get some junk mail through your letter box. Like the stuff that is hand-delivered.

Royal Mail Wasters: You are either with them or are "stupid"

The Communication Workers Union has described Royal Mail's decision to hire up to 30,000 temporary workers as "a stupid move".

Well, they would say that, wouldn't they? These are the people who are crippling their own organisation because it can't and therefore won't guarantee them jobs for life. Although it really is pot and kettle time when someone taking part in the Royal Mail strike starts calling someone else stupid.

"Technology is providing new ways of communicating," City minister Lord Myners told CWU general secretary Billy Hayes on the BBC's Andrew Marr show.

"People who can't use the mail next week, Billy, are going to find other ways of communicating.

"And you are placing your members' lives and jobs at risk if you don't get back to the negotiating table."

Not only that, but they are really going to fucking hate all those who have gone on strike. Those striking Royal Mail workers may yet strike themselves onto the dole queue.

Here's hopin'!

Royal Mail Wasters and an attempt at humour

At our local Royal Mail Delivery Office - where we have to go when the postman refuses to drop of parcels owing to his wearying mix of an angry demeanour and general workshy attitude - there is a home made sign up. It reads:

"Sarcasm is just another service we offer."

Presumably out back they have one of those signs saying "You don't have to be lazy crazy to work here, but it helps" and other jokes that would make David Brent proud.

Unfortunately, sarcasm seems to be the only service the Royal Mail now offers. The talk of service seems insane at a time when they cannot even offer the basic service of delivering the fucking mail. I can't say I'd ever be a particular fan of their ersatz, forced version of "humour", but it would taste a little less fucking bitter if they spent more time making sure the mail gets to where it should be going and less time on shitty signs.

Royal Mail Wasters: The Plan

From the BBC:

The Communication Workers Union (CWU) has announced two nationwide strikes.

It said earlier on Thursday that the 24-hour strikes will begin on 22 October. On the first day, mail centre staff and drivers will strike. The next day it will be delivery and collection staff.

Is it wrong to say that I can't wait until these fuckers bankrupt the Royal Mail and are all on the dole queue? Is it really wrong to say that? Because that is what I am thinking. And that is what I'm thinking they deserve. But I'll stop short of calling them work-shy, money hungry wankers. Again, they might deserve such a comment, but I wouldn't dignify them with that level of burning rage.

Royal Mail Wasters: Facebook 'em!

I was going to go on Facebook and create a group called "Royal Mail Are A Useless Bunch of Fucking Lazy Wankstains." Then I was hit by my usual indolence, and by a realisation that some other people have already created such groups. Albeit with slightly more temperate language in their group names.

Here are a couple of them for you to join. Oh, and spread the word and let me know of any other Facebook groups dedicated to the loathing of a postal service that doesn't like to deliver the mail. One of the groups I've linked to is called "Royal Mail Are..." - I'd complete that sentence by saying "Royal Mail Are In Desperate Need Of Immediate Privatisation." If I was feeling polite.

Guardian Questions on Royal Mail Wasters

The Guardian asks some topical questions:

But the postal workers have some public backing - almost 5,000 Facebook users have signed up to a group called I support the postal workers.

Do you? Or do you have more sympathy with Royal Mail? And whatever your views, how has the dispute affected you?

Let's take those questions one at a time.

No, I don't support any postal worker who has gone on strike. I do support those who have gone on working. If such people actually exist.

I do have more sympathy for Royal Mail - this will bury their already moribund business.

And this has affected me in two ways: I have had to wait up to several weeks to get first class letters and don't really get parcels delivered any more. Instead I have to pick them up from the delivery depot. The postman himself is perhaps the most prickly, lazy, self-important and arsey person it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. And that is saying something. I used to work in the recruitment industry, so have encountered more than my fair share of wankers in my time.

If I had the time, I'd form a Facebook Group myself. One called "Striking Royal Mail Postal Workers Are Total Fucking Cunts." And I'll bet you it would get more than 5,000 people signing up to it.

More Royal Mail Wasters

Via Lobbydog, this gem of a story from The Daily Telegraph:

One worker boasted of how he wasted time by filling in “739” forms - which tell anyone who is not at home that they have a parcel to collect - while still at the sorting office, rather than on the doorstep once he had checked whether the recipient was at home.

Yeah, I don't think he is alone in doing that. In fact, in my neck of the woods, it appears to be the norm rather than the exception...

In the sort of twist of fate that makes me laugh out loud, I note that the attempts to have a national postal strike make be adversely affected by the localised industrial action of the employees of Royal Mail. Which - if it happens - would be pretty damned wonderful. A great example of the law of unintended consequences, and enough to make me believe just a little in karma.

Royal Mail Blues

Apparently the Royal Mail are considering a national strike. No, really, they actually are considering formalising their current approach of doing no work, rather than just pretending that they are actually doing something.

The potential strike is in response to possible redundancies that may result from the modernisation of the Royal Mail. According to Dave Ward, who holds the wonderfully Stalinist title of "deputy general secretary of the Communication Workers' Union":

"Modernisation is crucial to the future success of Royal Mail, but the implementation of change must be agreed and it must bring with it modern pay and conditions.

"Postal workers deserve to be rewarded for change. We want to see a new job security agreement which will help people through this time of change for the company … Modernisation should improve services not cut them."

Well, "modern pay and conditions" very easily could mean redundancy, in this day and age. I fail to see why the Royal Mail should be sheltered from the economic reality affecting the rest of the country. And as for "rewarded for change", why, precisely? Their reward for doing their job is surely the pay they get for it. If their job changes, then the workers need to think about whether they feel their remuneration reflects their changed circumstances. If it doesn't, then they can always find another job. Rather than trying to cripple their existing employer with unthinking demands for more pay.

I'll agree that job security is a nice idea. Unfortunately it doesn't really exist anywhere anymore. Again, there is no reason why the Royal Mail should be different from other organisations. Employers take on people to do a job. Unfortunately, should they change their structure/way of working, then they may need to lose some employees. It isn't ideal for those that lose jobs; yet it isn't realistic for organisations to keep people on when they have no work for them to do.

And the concept that modernisation shouldn't improve services rather than cut them is spot on as far as I am concerned. However, I'm prepared to entertain the idea that modernisation might involve cutting head-count in order to improve services. And that is still A-OK as far in my humble opinion.

Finally, maybe Deputy General Secretary Ward might want to use some empathy and consider why - after a summer where Royal Mail employees have devastated the already tatty reputation of that organisation and made mail deliveries even more of a joke than they have been before - those running the Royal Mail believe increased automation and employing fewer people might be the best way forward for them.

Sighing at Royal Mail Strikes

There are terrifying threats. Like the threat of nuclear war. Then there are the empty threats. Like swine 'flu, which is probably a pisser if you get it, but about as threatening as, well, a heavy cold. And then we have the completely pointless threats that resemble a child having a tantrum. Which is how I would assess the threat that the Royal Mail might strike. It would be scary if it wasn't so risible.

See, these days, the Royal Mail are shit. You don't get any delivery before early afternoon. On Saturdays, you aren't going to get any mail at all, even if there is some to be delivered. And Bank Holidays for the Royal Mail now take out two working days either side of the Bank Holiday - which means since they don't work Saturdays, you ain't getting any mail for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or the Tuesday around the Bank Holiday. Oh, and woe betide you if you happen to be expecting a parcel. If its dimensions happen to be too big for the postie's bag, then all you're getting delivered is a pre-prepared note telling you that you were out when they tried to deliver the parcel. Even if you were actually in. Then you're going to have to go to the Royal Mail depot to pick the parcel that someone else paid to have delivered to your home. Shit, isn't it?

And no, I don't live in the middle of nowhere. I live in a city. Where it should be fairly easy for the Royal Mail to do their jobs.

Of course, this post won't change the way the Royal Mail behaves, and it won't stop the strikes. But I just want it on record - I think that a Royal Mail strike* is about as scary as a pacifist monk in a fist fight. When you are as shit as Royal Mail operative, not working for a day is largely indistinguishable from actually working.

*Perhaps the biggest impact is LFAT not doing his first class posts.