Will Someone Please Tell Me...

…what the flying fuck is going on?

This story has left me in a state of simmering rage all day. The rage comes and goes in waves, moving between disbelief and blind, irate anger. It is the sort of thing that makes me wonder why I am a Tory – why I give any money whatsoever to Cameron and the gaggle of wankers who surround him. It is fair to say that I have not been that impressed with Cameron et al for a while, as I have mentioned, but this is the worst one yet. In so many ways, this is the final straw.

You see, according to that story, the Conservative Party shouldn’t look to the political ideals of Winston Churchill. We shouldn’t look to the political beliefs of one of our most successful Prime Ministers. Of the man who led the nation to victory in World War Two. Of the man voted the Greatest Briton.

Oh no, not at all.

Instead, we should have a new ideological leader. And who should this be? None other than Polly cunting Toynbee.

That’s right, the failed SDP member. The woman who is torn apart on a weekly basis. The woman who has a website dedicated to exposing the numerous mistakes, exaggerations and downright falsehoods in her work. The woman who believes in equality of outcome and other assorted left wing bollocks. The woman who would love to have a threesome with Chuckles and the Dour Drip.

And who is suggesting this? Why, none other than Greg Clark - Tory Party MP, confidant of Cameron and Shadow Minister. Whereas most Tories would see the day when they start agreeing with that rancid hag Toynbee as the day to go and get that shotgun, saw off the end, point it under their chin and pull the trigger, Clark sees it as the day to boast about his conversion to puerile lefty politics. To the sodding Guardian.

I have come to the conclusion that Clark has no brain. In fact, I reckon that when he was a kid, his parents cracked open his skull, scooped out the minimal grey matter contained within, and then elected to use their child’s skull as a latrine/toilet bowl. Because there is no other logical explanation for the absolute shite spewing from Clark’s mouth. There is no other reason why an adviser to the Leader of the Opposition would be chomping at the minge of the atrocious Toynbee. There is no other reason why a member of the Tory Shadow Cabinet, just as the party stands for the first time since 1997 within grasping distance of power, would turn to the fucked up, unworkable policies of the twat Polly – policies so inane that even the Liberal Democrats would think twice before advocating them.

Apparently embracing Toynbee “goes back to our roots”. Apparently it harks back to Disraeli, and his fight against poverty. Erm, no. Disraeli lived in a very different age. When he lived, poverty meant literally being unable to eat, not having to chose between your subscription to Sky and your fourth KFC of the day. When Disraeli lived, poverty meant you starved to death. Then the concept of those being classed as poverty stricken and also being classed as obese would have seemed farcical. Likewise, child poverty meant the workhouse, it meant child hood labour. Not being able to afford nothing else after your hoodie and having to steal a mate’s mobile. It meant no education at all, not cutting school. It meant no food, not whining because Jamie Oliver has had junk food banned from school. Mr E is right when he contradicts Clark and says that poverty is absolute, and not relative. Poverty in this country in this day and age is nowhere near as bad as when Disraeli led the Conservative movement.

Clark criticises Churchill, stating that his view of welfare focuses on:

“…the bottom: holding people at subsistence level, just above the abyss of hunger and homelessness.”

Yes, he was a Conservative. Of course he believed in a safety net, from stopping those who have made the wrong choices from starving and from losing their homes. But surely the point is that there is an aspiration towards equality of opportunity, not equality of outcome. People should be encouraged to do the best they can, with welfare being a safety net – something you never, ever aspire to be on, but it is there if you really need it. The problem with welfare today is it offers too much – too much comfort – it doesn’t hold people down, but it doesn’t encourage people to move on. It is no longer a safety net, it is a comfortable bed to lie in. It is not about keeping people at subsistence level – it is about making them comfortable. You know the moment I became a Tory? It was when someone who worked for me – one of the hardest workers I have ever come across – came to me, overwrought, and saying that he had to resign because he could earn more money on welfare than working for a living. I thought the Tories would redress this balance – but if Toynbee is to become the Conservative ideologue for welfare then the party is totally fucked. And Toynbee herself realises this, with the BBC reporting:

“His words were hailed by Ms Toynbee as a "really radical move" which showed the party "in a completely new light".

I am sure that Toynbee loves what Clark is saying, but is also in a state of total shock. This must be so confusing for “our” Polly – suddenly the enemy, the evil Tories, believe what she believes. Even more so than Nu Labour. And she must love this statement from Clark:

"Polly Toynbee is a serious thinker about social policy. There are things I disagree with her on, but it would be ridiculous not to benefit from effective analysis.”

Again, Clark, you cunt, Factchecking Pollyanna. Go read. You may think that the party will benefit from effective analysis. Fine. But you cannot argue Toynbee is effective analysis.

This post is an unfocussed rant, lacking any real coherence. But it would all be ok if this was just the one misguided MP, someone who Cameron could quickly dispense with, like Michael Howard did with Flight. But the Guardian reports:

“Mr Cameron's aides praised Mr Clark's work...”

Fine. If Cameron, Clark and the rest of the Tory Party want to embrace the wishy-washy pseudo-socialism of Toynbee and drag the Conservatives to the left of the Labour party, they should go for it. But my message to them is simple – you can take my membership of the Tory party and shove it up your arseholes. And you can fuck off whilst you are doing it.