Sausages = Evil

Yes, oh yes, sausages are the new evil that will, in full on Daily Mail style, give you cancer. But it is not just sausages that may kill you through consumption. Oh no. As some medical type (referred to as "Prof" by The Metro, natch) notes:

'Whether you are talking about bacon, ham or pastrami, the safest amount to eat is none at all. You can make a positive difference by cutting out as much as possible.'

Jesus H Christ, I will never have another sausage again! Or ham! Or Pastrami! I wonder whether Spam is okay? Fucking hell, I think we all need to know whether Spam is ok! How come the Prof didn’t mention Spam? It has got some ham in, but loads of other stuff as well. We need to know whether it is ok! There are going to be hundreds of processed meat obsessives, following the advice of the Professor, desperately seeking Spam as a substitute for processed meat! And the negligent fucker didn’t even bother to tell us whether it is ok to eat Spam. What a cunt.

More seriously, The Metro gives a slightly more tangible target for those of us who are not going to drop processed meats like a shitty stick. Apparently:

"Eating just one sausage or three rashers of bacon a day can increase the risk of developing bowel cancer by a fifth, it is being claimed."

At first, it sounds like not a lot. But sit down and work it out. One sausage a day is 7 sausages a week. Or 365 a year. Three rashers of bacon a day is 21 a week, 1092 a year! 1457 bits of processed meat a year increases your risk of bowel cancer. No, really? Crazy stuff.

This front page story should be news to precisely no-one. It can be summarised as "being a greedy bastard may affect your health." But ultimately anything consumed to excess could damage your health. Even water and stuff. But if you have most things in moderation then you should be ok. Both common sense and even the most basic levels of education should make this obvious. Which makes me wonder which of those two the British public is lacking in. And, with a sinking feeling, I realise that, for some people, it will be both.

*Obviously I’m not advocating having things like cyanide, even in small quantities. Oh no. Not going to risk opening that can of worms.