Kevin Spacey and the Free Advertising

What the fucking hell has happened to the BBC News website? It looks like it has been redesigned for simple people with poor eyesight. I haven’t seen such a poor redesign since I changed the template for this blog just before Christmas!

Anyhoo, Kevin Spacey - thespian, director and theatre promoter - is bellyaching about the BBC showing those endless, dreadful audition programmes for those endless, dreadful musicals. However, his complaint isn’t about the quality of these shitty, sub-Pop Idol shows, but rather a whine about how unfair life is:

"I felt that (a musical audition programme) was essentially a 13-week promotion for a musical - where's our 13-week programme?"

Yeah, it probably was a promotion for the musical. I haven’t watched any of these endlessly tedious audition shows. To be honest I would rather destroy my own eyes with hydrochloric acid than sit through 40 minutes of precocious, talentless, attention seeking fuck faces screaming/whining/squawking/doing-anything-other-than-singing their way through a collection of musical standards that make me wish for the long, slow death of Andrew Lloyd-Webber. However, someone, somewhere finds these sort of shows entertaining. Believe or not, millions of people do. I don’t know why - maybe something to do with poor diets; maybe something to do with inbreeding. But millions enjoy these shitty shows, which is why the BBC broadcasts them. I rather doubt that millions of people would tune in for a 13 part audition series for Speed-The-Plow, or whatever bag of crap Spacey is promoting at the moment.

In fairness, he has started to flesh out his ideas for a TV programme. It would be:

"…to help kids find their own sense of self-esteem, confidence and ability to collaborate. These are interesting ideas, now they're not sexy so maybe they don't want to put them on air."

Probably best that Spacey doesn’t try to make kids sexy; that would open up a whole world of trouble from the likes of the News of the World. However teaching kids to feel more confident and collaborate would not just be tedious, it may be best covered off by institutions other than Spacey’s Old Vic. Like, you know, schools.

But Spacey is pushing for his dull version of a shitty programme format:

"I have spoken to your chairman but he has yet to get back to me"

Possibly because he has better things to do (although Lord knows what) than reply to hissy actors belly-aching about how unfair life is. I’d like the Chairman of the BBC to come back to me on my idea for a TV series, called You’re a Cunt, but my grip on reality appears to be slightly more sound than Spacey’s. I accept that the Chairman probably cannot reply to every ranting twat with a half-baked idea for a TV series.

*Seriously, it would be a winner. Basically it is a 26 episode TV programme where I go round and call every single politician in the country a cunt. I mean, it must be good. I’d watch it!