The BBC is asking whether the Clash's brilliant "London Calling" really a good song to promote the 2012 London Olympics? Well, it certainly sums up how I feel about the coming London based glorified international sports day...

Burn a Billion

So, the Olympics are over. I am more than a little proud to say I missed the entire thing. All the events, all the guff, all the celebrations. And I feel all the better missing the whole thing.

The only downside to the end of the Olympics as far as I can see is that sinking feeling that next time the Summer Olympics dominate the TV screens, it will also be on just down the road from me. And I just can't wait.

Now, I don't care if people want to hold and watch the Olympics - just as long as there is no obligation for me to watch them. In fact, people can pretty much do what they like, just so long as they are not spunking money stolen - sorry, earned - through the taxpayer up against the wall. And that is my big problem with the 2012 Olympics. The fucking fortune that it is going to cost me and thee.

So I have an alternative. Clearly, the government is determined to spunk billions of pounds away. So we should let them do it. Just do it in a much less time-consuming way. So instead of crippling London with the Olympics - a massive waste of time that London's infrastructure will simply not cope with - let's instead put £1.5 billion in cash in Trafalgar Square. Then, let's douse it with petrol. And then set light to it. Let's literally burn £1.5 billion. If nothing else, it will make for quite a spectacle. It will also create more of a lasting legacy than the Olympics, since we could use the remaining £7.5 billion for something more worthwhile that a glorified school sports day.

The girl at the Olympic ceremony mimed. And some of the fireworks may have been faked.

Oh my God! Lies, fraud and deception from a Communist State! Unprecedented.

Seriously, this is meant to be news?

Olympic Opening Ceremony, China, 2008

And so it came to pass that the eyes of the world turned to the east, and a great peace descended across the planet. Suddenly, there was a feeling of contentment. The wars of yesterday were forgotten in the face of some dancing. The gross abuse of human rights were forgiven because the world could see some festivities through the choking smog. The execution wagons ceased to matter as people waved ribbons. And because we got to see some fireworks, we forgot about the crushing of Tibet and the awful violence of Tiananmen Square. Even the most unforgiving of people, the terrible cynics of the media, decided to let bygones be bygones as editors everywhere realised they could all use the headlines “Let the games Bejing!” And humanity realised that it was pretty much willing to sacrifice anything in return for a bit of a party.

Yep, I am being cynical. And probably naïve. But this gushing praise for a brutal, totalitarian Communist regime simply because they were able to put on a bash to celebrate the start of the Olympics really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I understand the argument that if we engage China, maybe they will become less extreme and actually start implementing much need reform in their country. I also think such logic is hopelessly flawed. China is using these Olympic games to bolster their international image and develop their national ego. Nothing more. The fact that they have managed to put on this glorified school sports day will change precisely nothing within China. And it is disappointing that the coverage of the opening ceremony has so comprehensively failed to acknowledge that.

Olympics: How Much?

I'm not a sporty person. Sport is something that happens to other people as far as I am concerned. I'm happy for others to play sports, I'm happy for others to enjoy sports. Just so long as they don't involve me.

When it comes to the Olympics, I just don't care really. It is my understanding that the Olympics will happen this year. Fuck-A-Doodle-Do. It will have zero impact on me, other than occasional disruption to the TV schedules. Again, I'm happy for those who will enjoy the Olympics. Means nothing to me.

What does matter to me is the 2012 Olympics; because they are happening in the country (and, indeed, the city) I live in. During the Olympics, I expect the city to grind to a shuddering halt. I don't think the city has the capacity to cope with the Olympics. Still, that's not my gripe, because London always looks like it is going to collapse under the weight of those people living in the city. The archaic, unpleasant transport system just cannot cope. It is fact of life in London - we don't need the Olympics to further make the point.

What really fucks me off about the Olympics is the cost. The Olympics is a national vanity exercise. It is the host country showing off, like a spoilt little shit of a kid at a school play. It is an ego-boost for the government that wins the election, so the cost is simply about giving the already massive ego of Tony Blair a bit of a boost. And what a massive fuck off cost it is!

£9.3 billion. The figure is astronomical. A vast amount. A massive sum of money that is being pissed against the wall for no real reason. I despair of it. I really fucking do. Why does the government have to pay for this? I know all the arguments about the Olympics bringing investment into the country; but if this is the case, why can't that investment pay for the fucking games in the first place? Why does it have to be the poor bastard inhabitants of the host country who pays for this glorified school sports day of an event?

If you are happy to contribute to this £9.3 billion through your taxes, good luck to you. But I know I can't be alone in thinking that this fuck off wodge of taxpayer's money being spent on the Olympics might be better spent by the government elsewhere. Or, as crazy as it sounds, not spending that money at all.

When is a boycott not a boycott?

When Gordon Brown is organising it.

Because Brown is not going to the Olympics! Except he is. But he isn't going to the opening ceremony! But he may be attending plural ceremonies. Possibly.

If the above is about as clear as mud, apologies - but it is Gordon's fault, not mine. Over to Nick Clegg for some clarity (no, really):

"Chancellor Merkel in Germany and President Sarkozy in France saying quite specifically that they might not go to the opening ceremony shows that the debate has always been about the opening ceremony. So now suddenly to be asked to believe by Number 10 that they never really intended to go in the first place either smacks of a rather odd way of going about things or just downright incompetence."

Quite.

No doubt the Chinese are taking the news that Brown may or may not be attending some or all of the Olympics in their stride. I mean, they'd probably be pleased if he didn't attend. I'd imagine Brown can put the kiss of death on any ceremony, opening or closing.

Ultimately I think this crippling indecision over whether to attend the Olympics and, if so, what to attend, is typical of that complete wanker Brown. It isn't just the Olympics, it will be every single decision that fucker has to make. Every. Last. Decision. That is why our country looks increasingly crippled and utterly without direction. Gordon Fucking Brown.

Hell, I'd even bet Brown was paralysed for days over whether to appear on American Idol - for fear he would be voted off, even though he wasn't a contestant.

Gordon Brown. Not fit for his job. Not fit for any job. What a wanker that man is.

Protesting at the Olympic Flame

As anyone who has even glanced at a news outlet over the past 24 hours will know, there has been a tad of controversy over the Olympic flame being brought through London and now through Paris. Can’t think what might be encouraging the attempts to grab and extinguish the Olympic flame. Except perhaps the utter subjugation of the Tibetan people.

Still, at least we have these comforting words from the IOC:

Speaking in Beijing earlier, IOC President Jacques Rogge said the IOC "called for a rapid, peaceful resolution of Tibet".

Presumably he means resolution of the Tibetan situation, or instigation of a Tibetan nation state. Because the Chinese arguably resolved Tibet many moons ago. When they invaded, and began to wipe out the indigenous culture. Semantics, I know, but words can be important.

However Rogge is quick to let slip what is really on his mind:

He also condemned attempts to disrupt the Olympic torch relay, saying violence "is not compatible with the values" of the Olympic Games.

Absolutely. I would imagine the protests aren’t compatible with the values of the Olympics. But the subjugation, and slow extermination, of the Tibetan people by the Chinese government won’t be compatible with the views of those protesting. At since human lives are at stake, then the protestors probably rank the values of the protests just a little higher than the values of the Olympic Games.

Now, I have serious issues with the Chinese government (a statement which, no doubt, fills the Chinese government with precisely no fear whatsoever). Ignoring for a moment the occupation of Tibet, this is also a totalitarian Communist/Maoist state. There is no democracy in China, and they liberally apply the death penalty and imprison supposed political dissidents. I understand the need for the likes of Rogge to defend China, and to criticise the actions of the protestors. However Rogge and the IOC should have anticipated these protests when they awarded the games to China, and should understand why so many people should attack the symbol of the Olympics as it traverses the globe. Because they are not attacking the Olympics, but rather the totalitarian government ruling the host of the games this year.