Blair the Greedy vs Brown the Noble

From the Twitter feed of Gus Baker:

Tony Blair wants £150 4 a signed copy of his memoir. Gordon Brown affirms that all proceeds from his book will go to charity. #justsaying

Probably being a bit cynical here, but I rather think that the reason why Blair is charging £150 for a signed copy of his book is because people are willing to pay £150 for his book. Fuck knows why, though. However, I think the chances of anyone paying that amount for a signed copy of Brown's book is less than zero, so why on earth would he embarrass himself by trying to ask for it?

I think we're all supposed to be impressed by the fact that Gordon is giving the proceeds of his no doubt entirely self-serving and largely unreadable book to charity. I'd be more impressed is (a) Brown wasn't writing said book at the expense of the taxpayer while neglecting his duties as an MP and (b) if this book was destined to be in the remainder bins across the country within weeks of its release.

Just sayin' is all.

UPDATE:

And now Blair's got in on the charity act - he's giving millions to the Royal British Legion. I'm sure I won't be alone in noting that if Blair really wanted to help soldiers, then he might not have sent them into an illegal war without the equipment they so clearly needed.

What is nice about this, though, is that it is likely to be a yet another way in which Blair will best Brown. Since his book will almost certainly sell more than Brown's, he'd going to be better at the "giving book proceeds to charity" competition that he has just started. And what's the betting that's a big part of the reason for this announcement?

Expense Abuse: It Goes On. And On.

The scandal about MPs seems to have taken on one of the supposed properties of swine 'flu - it is highly contagious. And now it has spread to the other side of the House of Commons. Yep, the Tories were silent on this issue for so long for a reason - they were adhering to the old adage that people on glasshouses shouldn't throw stones. Some *gems* from the BBC:

More than £2,000 received by Oliver Letwin to replace a leaking pipe under a tennis court. The shadow minister responded: "I was served a statutory notice by the water company to repair the leaking pipe, which runs underneath the tennis court and garden. No improvements were made to the tennis court or garden."

Right, so no improvements were made - except for the improvements to the leaking pipe under the tennis court. One of the things this scandal has taught me is that MPs don't get what an improvement or benefit is. Because this didn't involve a new goody for Letwin, he assumes it was ok for him to spunk away £2,000. What he fails to take into account is that for those not lucky enough to have scored a seat in Parliament, this sort of expense not only wouldn't net something new, but would also have to be paid for out of the individual's pocket. Fuck off, Letwin. You're so detached from reality that you may as well be in a coma.

And we now have the answer to how many Tory MPs does it take to change a light bulb. Turns out they can't; they need to get a worker in:

Shadow universities secretary David Willetts' claim of more than £100 for workmen to replace 25 light bulbs at his home. "We had problems with our lighting system which had caused many lights to fuse and needed the attention of an electrician," he said.

Now I have very high ceilings in my flat, and I'd like to employ workmen to change the fucking bulbs. Once again, who do I invoice?

Thousands of pounds for renovations claimed by Chris Grayling at a London flat 17 miles from his family home. He said: "In addition to serving my constituents, I have spent several years serving in the shadow cabinet, currently as the shadow home secretary. A second home enables me to meet those commitments." In response to an allegation that he delayed claims to maximise what he received, he said all claims had been submitted "at the point which I received the invoices".

Sure, Chris, sure. I understand you need two homes to do your job. The only problem with your logic is that I bet we could find someone who could do your job far better than you with just one home. And give us a General Election and we'll prove it.

Reimbursement of £4.47 for dog food to shadow Welsh secretary Cheryl Gillan, who said the claim had been made in mistake and would be repaid.

Cheryl charged the taxpayer for dog food by mistake. Seriously, how dumb can you get? What did she think the receipt for something like Pedigree Chum was for? Fucking vital work of the state? If I was Welsh, I'd be fuming that this lackwit is Shadow Welsh Secretary. She probably struggles to open an tin of dog food; she certainly can't figure out that it isn't a legitimate mistake.

Of course, this is the perfect opportunity for touchy feely Cameron to come out looking sincere, and earnest, and mournful. He says:

"(It is) another bad day for Parliament and, frankly, a bad day for the Conservative Party. We have to acknowledge just how bad this is. The public are really angry and we have to start by saying, look, this system that we had, that we used, that we operated, that we took part in - it was wrong and we're sorry about it."

Damn right it is a bad day for Parliament and for the fucking Tories. Their fraud has been exposed. Their exploitation of the taxpayer's purse has been exposed. They have been shown to be lazy, greedy cheats. It is difficult to have a worst day than this.

But all the apologies, all the platitudes are completely fucking meaningless. The MPs aren't sorrow for this shameful scandal; they are sorry that they got caught. Had this not all come out, you can bet your last penny (which the taxman is probably eyeing up to pay for an MP's leaky tennis court somewhere) then the MPs would still be at their trough, gorging at your expense. The system is endemically corrupt; those in power are there simply to line their pockets. Damn right the public is angry - we should be at the gates of Parliament, screaming for mass resignations from the little piggies inside.

Gordon Brown wants us to stop wasting food. Well, I hope the cunt has mentioned this to John Prescott.

It is funny, isn't it, that Gordon Brown extracts billions from the Great British public each year in unreasoning, unthinking taxation - and yet when there is any problem facing the Great British public, we have to stop doing something, we have to tighten our belts, we have to be more careful with food. Billions of pounds and Gordo's solution to any problem is "well, it is your problem, people, not mine. You do without."

Austerity is never a sexy, successful political policy. Austerity combined with the highest tax bill in history is just an insult. We should be able to look to our (extremely fucking well paid) politicians to solve national problems in a more constructive way than telling us to do with out whilst they stick their corpulent, porcine snouts in the taxpayer funded trough. Because if there is one thing we can do without based on this announcement, it is politicians.

UPDATE:

The Daily Mash has summed up the situation nicely:

GORDON Brown has outlined plans to recapture the political agenda by acting like your old gran.The prime minister is urging people to finish their dinner and reminding them that during the war Britain had to eat mice, tree bark and bits of shoe.

Then they point out the problem with the "gran strategy":

"What Mr Brown fails to realise is that while some people may like their own gran, they absolutely do not like anyone else's, especially if it's a six-foot tall, brooding, Scottish sociopath."

I think they are a little bit nice about Mr Brown, but otherwise the analysis is spot on.