Expense Abuse: It Goes On. And On.

The scandal about MPs seems to have taken on one of the supposed properties of swine 'flu - it is highly contagious. And now it has spread to the other side of the House of Commons. Yep, the Tories were silent on this issue for so long for a reason - they were adhering to the old adage that people on glasshouses shouldn't throw stones. Some *gems* from the BBC:

More than £2,000 received by Oliver Letwin to replace a leaking pipe under a tennis court. The shadow minister responded: "I was served a statutory notice by the water company to repair the leaking pipe, which runs underneath the tennis court and garden. No improvements were made to the tennis court or garden."

Right, so no improvements were made - except for the improvements to the leaking pipe under the tennis court. One of the things this scandal has taught me is that MPs don't get what an improvement or benefit is. Because this didn't involve a new goody for Letwin, he assumes it was ok for him to spunk away £2,000. What he fails to take into account is that for those not lucky enough to have scored a seat in Parliament, this sort of expense not only wouldn't net something new, but would also have to be paid for out of the individual's pocket. Fuck off, Letwin. You're so detached from reality that you may as well be in a coma.

And we now have the answer to how many Tory MPs does it take to change a light bulb. Turns out they can't; they need to get a worker in:

Shadow universities secretary David Willetts' claim of more than £100 for workmen to replace 25 light bulbs at his home. "We had problems with our lighting system which had caused many lights to fuse and needed the attention of an electrician," he said.

Now I have very high ceilings in my flat, and I'd like to employ workmen to change the fucking bulbs. Once again, who do I invoice?

Thousands of pounds for renovations claimed by Chris Grayling at a London flat 17 miles from his family home. He said: "In addition to serving my constituents, I have spent several years serving in the shadow cabinet, currently as the shadow home secretary. A second home enables me to meet those commitments." In response to an allegation that he delayed claims to maximise what he received, he said all claims had been submitted "at the point which I received the invoices".

Sure, Chris, sure. I understand you need two homes to do your job. The only problem with your logic is that I bet we could find someone who could do your job far better than you with just one home. And give us a General Election and we'll prove it.

Reimbursement of £4.47 for dog food to shadow Welsh secretary Cheryl Gillan, who said the claim had been made in mistake and would be repaid.

Cheryl charged the taxpayer for dog food by mistake. Seriously, how dumb can you get? What did she think the receipt for something like Pedigree Chum was for? Fucking vital work of the state? If I was Welsh, I'd be fuming that this lackwit is Shadow Welsh Secretary. She probably struggles to open an tin of dog food; she certainly can't figure out that it isn't a legitimate mistake.

Of course, this is the perfect opportunity for touchy feely Cameron to come out looking sincere, and earnest, and mournful. He says:

"(It is) another bad day for Parliament and, frankly, a bad day for the Conservative Party. We have to acknowledge just how bad this is. The public are really angry and we have to start by saying, look, this system that we had, that we used, that we operated, that we took part in - it was wrong and we're sorry about it."

Damn right it is a bad day for Parliament and for the fucking Tories. Their fraud has been exposed. Their exploitation of the taxpayer's purse has been exposed. They have been shown to be lazy, greedy cheats. It is difficult to have a worst day than this.

But all the apologies, all the platitudes are completely fucking meaningless. The MPs aren't sorrow for this shameful scandal; they are sorry that they got caught. Had this not all come out, you can bet your last penny (which the taxman is probably eyeing up to pay for an MP's leaky tennis court somewhere) then the MPs would still be at their trough, gorging at your expense. The system is endemically corrupt; those in power are there simply to line their pockets. Damn right the public is angry - we should be at the gates of Parliament, screaming for mass resignations from the little piggies inside.