Easter Demystified

For Christians, this is one of the most important days of the year. The death/return of Jesus is central to the Christian cult - sorry, faith. For non Christians, it is a Sunday where all of the shops are shut, mercifully bookended by two bank holidays. It is a lot like Christmas, except without presents and with no Doctor Who Christmas special to enjoy.

Around Easter there are always lots of programmes and articles about the true meaning of Easter. As a break from all this Christian brow furrowing, I give you Easter Demystified, by a sarcastic atheist:

Good Friday was in someway good: No it wasn't. If you were Jesus, then you had a really shit day. Flayed half to death, then nailed to a cross before being left to die? Black Friday would be more accurate. Although these days it would be more associated with a dip in the stock market rather than the death of a self styled Messiah.

Jesus was the first zombie: No he wasn't. Yeah, he rose from the dead like a zombie, but the first zombie was actually Lazarus. Jesus's resurrection of that particular leper denied the "Son of God" the chance to be the first zombie.

Easter is in some way more important than Christmas: No, really, no. It is not just the lack of presents and Doctor Who Christmas Specials. This is a classic Chicken And Egg scenario. Yes, the Christian faith is based on the resurrection of Jesus, and he had to die for that to happen. But guess what? Had he never been born, he would never have died and risen from the grave. And since he was born at Christmas, Christmas is more important.

Now, with that half baked nonsense off my chest, it leaves me to wish any atheist readers of this blog a very happy Easter. And any Christians reading the above and feeling offended by it, "Happy Easter" and "Get a sense of humour."