The Cabinet - UK Tour '08!

I know a fair bit about the West Midlands. In fact, I used to live there. So trust me when I say there is very little to achieve by going there. Unless you want to get wasted on special offer Stella in a dubious theme pub.

And whilst it is tempting to picture David Miliband vomiting in a pub urinal, clutching a frayed leaflet that says "Miliband for Leader '08", I rather suspect that the purpose of the Cabinet's trip northwards was not a drinking binge. But it does rather beg the question what on earth was it for?

It certainly isn't going to help with the daunting, almost overwhelming, problems Britain is facing today. In fact, I think the words of George Osborne are spot on:

"The cabinet taking a day trip out of London is not going to solve Britain's economic problems. What will solve Britain's economic problems is clear and united leadership and we are not getting that from a government that is fighting itself."

So let's get this straight from the get go - this little jaunt by the Cabinet has nothing to do with policy. It is a grubby attempt to chase popularity. You can almost imagine the focus group, set up to imagine ways in which the government can reconnect with the people, coming up with this idea to show just how in touch the Cabinet is.

Of course, the problem with this idea is it just doesn't work. You could walk out onto the street right now and ask them whether they care where the Cabinet meetings are held. The vast majority will not care - and those that do probably don't care that much where the meetings are held. It doesn't matter whether they are held in public in Leicester Square or behind a ring of steel in the Downing Street bunker. Because the output of those meetings - the actual policies developed in Cabinet - are either non-existent or absolute rubbish.

Fundamentally, people don't really care whether the government is in touch with them. Does anyone really think that popular leaders - the Roosevelts, the Reagans, the Thatchers - are really in touch with the general public? Of course not! But those leaders are popular because they make (sometimes difficult) decisions that help people. The single greatest failing of the Brown government is that paralysis has descended and the Cabinet are completely unable to do anything that might actually make the situation better.

They can hold their meetings on fucking Mars for all I care - given the value of those meetings, the arid, airless landscape of a dead desert planet would probably be a good venue for the Cabinet to head to.