Pledging Allegiance!

Something weird seems to have happened. Somehow we have slipped back to the 1950’s America. Where people pledge allegiance to the flag (well, the queen, but same difference), blindly, like reactionary fools:

“Schoolchildren may have to swear allegiance to the Queen under proposals aimed at promoting British citizenship.”

What if you are not a royalist? Or not a nationalist? Suppose you just want to live quietly in the UK, without pledging allegiance to anyone? Suppose you find pledging allegiance to an out of date institution like the monarchy hopelessly insulting? Yet again, there is no place for the individual in the world of Nu Labour. Even though some reports talk of being encouraged, we all know what “encouraged” means. “Do it or we’ll fuck you up in some way”.

Why, oh why, are they doing this?

“Prime Minister Gordon Brown commissioned Lord Goldsmith to lead a review into a bid to strengthen national identity.”

Let me rewrite that sentence: “Prime Minister Gordon Brown commissioned Lord Goldsmith to lead a review into a bid to strengthen Labour support amongst Sun readers and knuckle faced nationalistic meatheads.” Of course, they are never going to come out with that sort of honesty. But we all know what they’re trying to achieve.

“Last October, a preliminary report published as part of Lord Goldsmith's review said that schoolchildren should take part in the same kind of ceremonies for foreigners taking British nationality.”

So, rather than trying to make young people feel more included, the government is going to lump them in the same category as what Sky News terribly dubs as the “foreigners?” And how is this rule going to be enforced? If someone refuses to pledge allegiance, how will the government stop them from growing up? Massive doses of hormone suppressants? Actually, I’ll stop there. The last thing we need to offer this government is even more fucked up ideas on how to make the population utterly miserable.

“The style and content of the events should be "re-energised", perhaps with a rendition by schoolchildren of the pop song We Are The World - the US version of 1984's Band Aid single - last year's report said.”

We Are The World? You WHAT? I can’t imagine anything more twee. I can’t imagine anything sadder. Anyone attending such an event should be given a sharp knife. So they can rip open their own guts and use their intestines as a noose.

But it gets even worse. Via The Telegraph:

“And a "small" council tax rebate would be available to those who help out in their local neighbourhood. The discount could be earned by organising recycling projects, helping children learn to read in schools, or setting up a residents' association.”

When, precisely, am I going to get the time to do the tedious work involved in getting this rebate? I work full time to get the fucking money to pay the Christing council tax in the first place!

Still, there is some good news:

“A new public holiday could also be introduced to celebrate Britishness, under recommendations being published today.”

Well, I’m all for that. The extra holiday I mean. Watching random skin heads whack the crap out of each other in the nation’s pubs over who loves the Queen the most (from a safe distance) will also be an entertaining way of spending the holiday.