Alan's Apology

Gordon Brown recently decided to apologise for something. The treatment of Alan Turing. For those of you not in the know, Alan Turing was an important part in Britain's victory in World War Two. And he was treated in a vile way because of his sexual orientation. As Brown writes in an article for the Telegraph:

In 1952, he was convicted of "gross indecency" – in effect, tried for being gay. His sentence – and he was faced with the miserable choice of this or prison – was chemical castration by a series of injections of female hormones. He took his own life just two years later.

Effectively, British society and the establishment forced Turing into suicide in the 1950s. Of course Turing faced an abominable choice and no-one deserves to be hounded to his death for being gay. Yet I'm not sure that Brown's solution is the best one:

So on behalf of the British government, and all those who live freely thanks to Alan's work, I am very proud to say: we're sorry. You deserved so much better.

Yes, Turing deserved better. Yes, he did vital work for the British government. But he died over half a century ago. Those who persecuted him - those who effectively forced him into his early grave - are also (almost certainly) dead. Whilst I'm prepared to blame Gordon Brown for one hell of a lot, I'm not prepared to blame him for a death he clearly had nothing to do with. And as nice as his gesture is, it will mean fuck all to Alan Turing. Because, y'know, the guy's dead.

Every Prime Minister is perfectly entitled to feel regret for things that happened in the past. And if (s)he wants to publicly express his/her regret (even if it is in response to an internet campaign rather than a deeper moral concern) that is fine as well - particularly if he or she thinks there is something relevant to this day and age about the events of the past. However, the Prime Minister cannot really apologise for anything other than that what he or she has been directly been responsible for. Brown might meaningfully apologise for his support for the Iraq War or his role in nearly bankrupting the UK. He could realistically say sorry for seizing power in an unelected coup, or for the al Megrahi release. However, it is pointless and fatuous for Brown to apologise for something that happened when he was less than five years old.

Homophobia is still a real problem in Britain in 2009. So is sexism, racism and a whole host of other forms of discrimination. If Brown actually wants to do something useful, he could focus more on the present than on making an apology in the sad case of Alan Turing.

Gordon Brown - Apologise? NEVER!

It seems to be rapidly becoming one of the central issues in British politics at the moment – whether Gordon Brown should apologise or not for helping to cause the recession. Personally, I rather monkeys flying out of my arsehole is a little more likely than Gordon Brown having the modesty and self-awareness to apologise for anything, but there we go.

Gordon’s argument is simple – the crisis did not start in this country* and there is nothing that the government could have done to prevent the economic catastrophe we are all living with. Quite why he now thinks that the crisis can be stopped through government action when the government could not prevent the recession in the first place is beyond me, but Brown’s arguments – and those of the party that he leads – do not often stand up to close scrutiny.

So, the counter-argument goes, Gordon was Chancellor over the period that sowed the seeds of our economic calamity. Therefore, he should be a man, accept responsibility for the economic Armageddon that is currently taking jobs and homes across the nation, and apologise.

Now, I don’t think Brown should apologise. Don’t get me wrong, there is one heck of a lot that he could say sorry for. But fuck it, there is no way he should apologise. See, apologising would help him. It would make him more popular.

Sure, if he were to apologise right now, then there would be a lot of media coverage about his apology – mainly asking why it took so long. But that would fade given time, and the upshot is that some people would start to feel some sympathy towards Gordo. The rhetoric would be simple – the guy made mistakes, he’s admitted that, and now he is trying to make it right through his actions. Most people have been in that position, they’d feel some empathy for Gordon. Those in the Labour party calling for Gordon and the government to apologise aren’t stupid**- they realise the power that apology could have.

So, Gordon, don’t apologise. Really, don’t. Continue to let everyone see you as an arrogant, unsympathetic, out-of-touch dickhead. ‘Cos the electorate will remember your failure to apologise and your failure to take responsibility for the fucking horrific economic conditions you have helped to create. And they’ll punish you for it when we are finally allowed to go to the polls. And I hope when you and your party look back at the tattered remains of your annihilated administration after the next election, I really hope someone says to you “if only you’d apologised, Gordon! If only you’d had the humility to apologise...”

*It started in America, dontcha know. Unless Gordo is in America, addressing Congress. In that scenario, it started in a location yet to be disclosed. But not America. Or Britain, obviously.
**On this one issue. They are really, really dumb in so many other ways.