How Harriet Harman Might Save Gordon Brown

From a wonderfully predictable Telegraph article that suggests that Tony Blair opposes the income tax rise on the rich*:

But ambitious ministers such as Harriet Harman would almost certainly try to force a leadership contest. The Brown loyalist said: "If the results are bad, the prospect of a leadership contest, and Harriet winning, might stop people trying to force Gordon out."

Read that paragraph again, and marvel at it. So Labour MPs might not force a failed PM from office for fear of an even worse option getting into power. And who would that even worse option be? Why, the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, of course.

That's now bad things are for the Labour party, and clear proof - if anyone needs clearer proof - that the leadership of that party is dismissed even by the party itself. 

I'm so glad we have another year of all this...

*Of course he does. He was all about the stealth taxes, that one.

And the winner is...

...Harriet Harman!

No, really. She is now Deputy Leader of the Labour party.

Words fail to describe my feelings on reading this piece of news. I am staggered, though, that the Labour party have managed to find someone to be their Deputy Leader who appears less capable than John Prescott. That takes some doing, but those canny Labour party members have somehow managed it.

Just to summarise the events of the past few weeks, though: the Labour MPs think the sulking, egregious lump that is Gordon Brown is the best their party has to offer, and the Labour party members think that Harriet Harman - who displays all the charisma, consistency and integrity of a cardboard cutout left out in the rain all night - is the second best person that their party has to offer.

Time for a beer, I think. The concept of Brown and Harman leading our country will be easier to swallow after a couple of pints...

Handbags at Dawn!

Been away for a few days on a well-deserved (in my not so humble opinion) and really rather excellent holiday. No doubt I have missed out on some exciting stories whilst I was off the radar but, somewhat unsurprisingly, the world has managed to get by without me.

But there was one story that I feel I just have to comment on. Yep, it is that spat between the female Labour Deputy Leadership candidates on the subject of handbags.

Say what you like about the Tories and their latest attempt to bicker like female teenagers in an all-girls school, but at least they are arguing over something that actually matters - how the kids in this country are educated. The Labour party? Well, judging by their leader's undignified farewell tour and the level of debate amongst the Deputy Leadership candidates, they are utterly washed out - they have lost their ideas, lost their drive, lost the will to govern. And the risible non-contest to succeed Prescott shows how screwed our government actually is.

The Labour Deputy Leadership candidates - making the case for involuntary euthanasia every day.

So who is the best James Bond?

Mr E highlights a question put to the freaks and cockbags currently running for the Deputy Leadership of the Labour party – “Who is the best James Bond?” – and uses the answer to prove the truism that no-one should vote for Harriet Harman. But I find their answers reveal something about each candidate. Nothing good, of course…

“Hilary Benn: Sean Connery is James Bond, but Timothy Dalton was pretty good too.”

What a very Nu Labour answer. Offering a definite, certain answer then hedging your bets with some sort of qualification. It must be that iron certainty seen in Tony Benn’s less charismatic son that has led to him being unable to muster enough support to stay in the Deputy Leadership race.

“Hazel Blears: Daniel Craig.”

Yep, drop the name of the person in the role and therefore the person most people will have heard off. Hazel Bleats goes for naked populism, showing herself to be the grubby vote whore I have long suspected her to be. And such naked populism will no doubt win her the election – after all, Labour has done so well in her time as Party Chairperson.

“Jon Cruddas: Sean Connery. Even if his political preferences are not to my taste, his acting is.”

I always need reminding of exactly who Cruddas is. Fortunately his answer helps me to distinguish him from his colleagues – he likes to answer in cliches, and he supports Labour party policies. Hmmmm…

“Peter Hain: I think Daniel Craig is a fantastic Bond, and a much grittier and more realistic figure for the current age than the suave country gents who preceded him.”

Hmmmm, the perma-tanned status/image obssessed Hain is dissing others for being “suave country gents”. Hmmm, there is a phrase about pots and kettles that springs to mind. Also, I would argue that only Brosnan and Moore played the role as a “suave country gent” – Connery played it like a smug Scottish bouncer, Lazenby like a grinning fool and Dalton like a slightly unhinged sociopath. Finally, note that Hain doesn’t answer the question. He names Craig as a fantastic Bond, but, even though he has the longest reply of any of the contenders, he does actually name his favourite Bond. So much the politician – he cannot give a straight answer to a straight question.

“Harriet Harman: None of them. It's time to let Miss Moneypenny drive the cars!”

Oh, please do fuck off Harriet. I have no problem with women in power, I have no real problem with feminism and I have no problem with positive female, strong female characters. But for the love of God, Harriet, try to define yourself as something other a feminist. Your entire campaign is based on your gender and your belief that there should be a female at the top (or near the top) of the government. This answer shows that your myopic view of life is simply focussed on gender. But you know what? Sexism ceases when people view others simply based on their abilities and suitabilities for a role. Gender should be irrelevant. And men are more suitable to play James Bond because James Bond is a male character. Just as women are more suited to play Lara Croft because she is a female character.

“Alan Johnson: Sean Connery, despite his politics.”

So Alan Johnson has an opinion, but feels the need to clarify that Connery’s political opinions do not reflect his own. Jesus, Alan, we are talking about you endorsing someone’s portrayal of a fictional character. Not every political opinon they have ever uttered in their entire lives.

It is terrifying to think that one of the above cretins will end up our Deputy Prime Minister. But at the risk of damning with faint praise, I have to concede that each and every one of them represents an improvement on what went before.