Polly Toynbee has written a prospective speech for Gordon Brown to deliver to the Labour party conference - a resignation speech. And you know what, it is pretty good. Of course, it is filled with inaccuracies, Social Democratic posturing and the curious detachment from reality that we have all come to expect from Toynbee. But the way it sings Gordon praises even as he resigns for, well, failing, means that it could work. It would be exactly the sort of preening bollocks that Gordon would want as his resignation speech.

Go on, Gordon, listen to Polly. Read out this speech at your party conference. The facts may be wrong, but the overall theme is perfect. And just what the country needs from you.