Why I (Still) Hate Jamie Oliver

Jamie Oliver is saving the world again. Well, he's trying to make fat munters from the US a little less porcine, but no doubt this will be pegged as some sort of impressive philanthropic gesture from the fattest tongued chef in the whole world. He says:

"I've only worked with a couple of families so far and all I can tell you is it makes the hairs raise on the back of your arm. I feel emotionally connected to this project.

"They are all anaemic with information. They are not stupid, they are not ignorant - it's just they have never had food from scratch in their life."

Oliver feels "emotionally connected" to every project he works on. It is his Unique Selling Point. He's the caring chef. If he just turned around and shrugged at the fatties, it wouldn't make as good television. I do have to wonder, though, whether Oliver would give the first fuck about these troughers if he wasn't paid to care, and if it didn't get him on TV.

It took me a long time to work out what I hate the most about Jamie Oliver, and why, if I ever met him, I would happily punch him repeatedly in the face until he ceased to resemble an ugly sausage roll. And it isn't his face or his voice - although Lord knows both should be grounds for summary execution. No, it is his smugness. It is his belief that he should travel across the country and now the world telling other people how to live their lives. Sharing all the dubious knowledge that comes from being an unexpectedly popular TV chef. To me, Jamie Oliver is the equivalent of a champagne socialist. All of his good deeds are motivated not just by the desire to help others, but the desire to help himself and his career at the same time. And yes, I know there is an argument that all charity work is done for selfish as well as philanthropic reasons. But that doesn't mean I have to enjoy the glib platitudes that spew forth from the revolting Jamie Oliver as he tries to change the diet habits of the world for reasons of career enhancement.

I've an idea of how Jamie could make the world a better place. He could staple his stupid mouth shut.