Nick Clegg, Prime Minister. Lib Dems, the Real Opposition. *Yawns*

There is something wonderfully repetitive about Lib Dem conferences. They might change their leaders, but the empty rhetoric is still the same. The desperate yet pointless claims to being on the cusp of real political power are always combined with the hopeless optimism of the leaders. This year proved to be no exception:

Nick Clegg today insisted that he would fight the general election in the hope of replacing Gordon Brown as prime minister of a progressive, anti-Conservative government.

Yes, Clegg, you're going to be Prime Minister. Of course you are. That seems so likely it is pretty much a dead cert. And of course, the way you will get to be Prime Minister is by attacking the Tories rather than Labour. After all, the Tories are the ones who are in power... oh, wait...

"Labour is lost. They haven't the ideas, energy or vision to start again. If you voted for them in the past, you have a choice," he said.

Yes. You have a choice. Vote for someone other than Labour. Like... I don't know, the Tories. Or UKIP. Or the Greens. Or the Libertarian Party. Or, if you are a bit of a moron, the BNP. Unfortunately for Mr Clegg, not believing in Labour doesn't mean you have to vote Liberal Democrat.

"You can give away your vote to a fringe party. You can stay at home in despair. Or you can join with the Liberal Democrats and make the difference."

So you can throw away your vote on a fringe party with no chance of winning power, or you can join with the Liberal Democrats who have no chance of winning. Yet voting for the latter can make a difference. Uh-huh. I'm struggling to see what the difference is between the fringe parties who won't win the next election, and the Liberal Democrat party who won't win that election. Other than the Liberal Democrats having a larger microphone that they can use to shout through and inadvertently display their raw impotence.

"If you supported Labour in 1997 because you wanted fairness, you wanted young people to flourish, you wanted political reform, you wanted the environment protected, or you simply believed in a better future, turn to the Liberal Democrats. We carry the torch of progress now."

It seems Young Mr Clegg wants to fight the 1997 election. Which is a bold position to take as we near the 2010 General Election. And who said the Lib Dems were out of touch?

For as long as I can remember, the Liberal Democrats have been on the point of becoming the progressive opposition instead of Labour, or overtaking the Tories and just becoming the opposition to Labour. Every time the Liberal Democrats have that option, they spunk it away. So if they really want to make the case for them being the real opposition in this country, then they need to show that they understand why they have failed in the past and what they plan to do about it in the future. Simply having the leader claiming that he wants to be Prime Minister is not enough. There is no shortage of people wanting to be Prime Minister in this country; Clegg and his followers need to work a lot harder to explain why and how they plan to actually make the man who shares a surname (and dull personality) with the least interesting character from Last of the Summer Wine into a credible contender for Number 10.