John Smeaton, MP

Man of the people - well, terrorist punching baggage handler - John Smeaton is standing for Parliament. And, by God, he's ready for a fight (again):

John Smeaton, the former baggage handler who took on one of the Glasgow airport bombers, today promised to "bring a storm down on Westminster" after putting himself forward for the Glasgow North East byelection.

Yeah! Yeah! You tell 'em John. Of course, you'll need to get elected first. How's that going?

However, Smeaton appeared to be completely stumped when, at a press conference, he was asked about Jury Team policies on linking MPs' pay to civil service pay grades and the holding of referendums on key policies.

Details aren't the be all and end all of politics, John, but it does help to understand the basic policies of the organisation you are going to represent. Still, no doubt you will have the answers. In time.

Asked about the public electing Commons select committees, he said: "It's something I will look into and get back to you on that."

Good, good. Just as a heads up, though, it might be worth working out what your party is about before the election rather than afterwards. It may help with the whole, y'know, getting elected thing.

As a final point, I would just like to point out that in no way is this a cheap stunt by the Jury Team. Of course not.