Ruth Kelly, Former Minister

I was expecting that whilst I was away that I would miss out on a lot of high profile, crucial stories that practically demand the second hand opinions and mild swearing of this blog. I was completely wrong. Basically, whilst I was away, nothing really happened in the news.

Perhaps the biggest story for me as I trawl through what has happened over the past week and a half is the news that Ruth Kelly has stepped down from the Cabinet. And may I be the first to offer my heart felt congratulations. Her departure from British Politics is most welcome and a definite step forward.

My dislike for Kelly isn't based on the way she looks - although Lord knows she represents a stinging rebuke to all those who claim that modern politics is based on looks. Kelly dresses like a slightly stressed bag lady, and would not look out of place walking round a park, mumbling to herself about whatever incoherent thoughts go through the mind of a bag lady as they do their daily stroll around the park. She is also not the most attractive of people, resembling a Picasso rendering of those two upside down faced people from Everything But The Girl. But we can't just judge our politicians on how they look; I retain a sneaking fondness for William Hague, but will concede that he looks and sounds eminently punchable.

No, my dislike of Kelly comes from her religious views. Don't get me wrong, you can pretty much believe anything you like as far as I am concerned. That lizards rule the world, that the Holocaust didn't happen, that everything is at the whim of a temperamental invisible sky fairy - your beliefs may make you an absolute fucking idiot, but you can still have them if you like. Even if you are a member of the deeply conservative (which for the Catholic Church - arguably the most conservative organisation ever created - is really saying something) and, frankly, deeply strange Opus Dei.

The problem comes, though, if you are a member of a deeply strange Christian cult and are made Minister for Women and Equality. Because for a member of Opus Dei, equality is something dangerous and should be feared. After all, those who don't believe what you believe are wrong. Those who dare to have sexual relations (especially with members of the same gender) for any other reason that procreation, are evil and should be judged. Again, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong (if you wish to be an archaic moron) with holding these views - it only becomes an issue when your beliefs directly oppose your ministerial brief.

Now you could argue that it is not Kelly's fault for being made Equality Minsiter - that decision was made by Prime Minister Blair. I would argue, however, that it is her fault for accepting the role. What on earth stopped her from saying "actually, Tony, I've had a think and my religious views probably mean that equality will never be one of my priorities, so I will have to turn down the kind offer of being Minsiter for Equality"? Actually, I can take a guess at what stopped her - the Nu Labour obssessions with ministerial posts, ego boosts, and big salaries.

Which is why I am glad that Kelly has gone from the Cabinet - the decision to make her Minsiter for Equality sums up the contempt that Nu Labour seem to feel towards their ministerial roles. Kelly's beliefs made her unsuited to the position she held - fair enough, but it didn't stop her boss from putting her in charge of equality or from her accepting the role. Kelly can believe what she likes, but she shouldn't then be hypocritical enough to accept a ministerial job that flies in the face of her absurd religious beliefs.

But I'm calling for Nu Labourites not to hypocritical - the very definition of a waste of time. I'm going to do something more productive now, like build a perpetual motion machine or command the tide to turn back.