Insomnia

Turns out that Heath Ledger died of an accidental drug overdose. He didn't die of heroin, he didn't commit suicide, he wasn't murdered by Prince Philip and the CIA*. He had an accidental overdose of prescription drugs. The very definition of a tragic accident.

The news of Ledger's death brought out the inappropriate side of me. Nothing on the scale of Mr E's recent attempt, but inapproriate nonetheless. I was in the office, discussing the death with a colleague and my manager, and I noticed that Ledger was the same age as me when he died. I decided to say that Ledger hadn't achieved as much as me in his life - a bold, and possibly incorrect, statement. And, indeed, my colleague queried me on exactly how I'd achieved more than Ledger. The bastard in me replied "well, I'm 28, and I'm still alive." Just as well I don't believe in Karma, otherwise comments like that would certainly be coming back to haunt me.

I was also listening to British Sea Power shortly after Ledger passed on, and the song "To Get To Sleep" came on. And the lyrics struck me as curiously relevant:

"Took a pill last night
Just to get to sleep
Put me on my back
Not on my feet
Propylene across your eyes
To take me to the land of sighs"

Followed by:

"Oh it left my heart broken
It took my breath away
A little lesson open
A little more each day
A little eyesore
A little Nytol
A little heartache
A little soothe-all"

If anything (other than the overdose of drugs) killed Ledger, then it was insomnia. And there I have a lot of sympathy for him. Whilst it hasn't been too bad recently, I've had insomnia as well. And if you've never had insomnia before, you have no idea how awful it can be. Going to bed at 11pm, and only managing to get to sleep at around 4am (when you have to get up at 6am) is masively depressing. And if you get up and do something, all you are doing is making it less likely that you will sleep at all. You end up haggard and exhausted in the morning, forcing yourself to get through the day, when all you want to do is sleep. I can see why people drink to sleep, why they take prescription drugs. And why it becomes "a little more each day".

Insomnia is one of those conditions - like depression - that isn't really discussed. Those who have never suffered from it tend to dismiss it, making it less likely that those who do suffer from it will be open about what is happening to them. And until that taboo is dealt with, you'll get more self-medication, more overdoses, and more tragedies - just like Ledger's death.

*In fairness, I haven't actually heard any accusations that Ledger was murdered. But the best way to deal with any potential conspiracy theories is to nip them in the bud before they even start.