Blair's achievements (ho ho ho)

The Moai flagged this website to me. Obviously it made me laugh in a hollow, scornful way. And respond with customary caustic sarcasm. So I e-mailed a couple of my thoughts to him:

"3. Introduced the National Minimum Wage
Would be more of an achievement if it wasn’t (a) insultingly low and (b) actually lower than the payouts on the dole.

29. Negotiated the historic Good Friday Agreement in Northern Ireland
Letting murderers free from prison is not a major achievement in my book. "

And the Moai went to town in awesome fashion, reminding me of why sarcastic, biting ranting can be a force for good in this world. I reproduce his peerless prose below:

"14. Devolved power to the Scottish Parliament
15. Devolved power to Welsh Assembly
23. Restored city-wide government to London
... very very grudgingly, after failing to stuff said fora with placemen.... good old Ken Livingstone and Rhodri Morgan, eh?

7. Best-ever primary school results
... was the first government to *test* at this level, so, it would be the best results yet. You really take us for retards, don't you Tony?

28. The biggest rolling stock replacement programme ever seen on our railways
... paid for by government subsidy to supposedly private companies....

5. Cut overall crime by 35 per cent
.... defined *how*, precisely?

10. Written off up to 100 per cent of debt owed by poorest countries
...while continuing to do absolutely jack about the CAP and its continual, outrageous beggaring of those countries

4. Record police numbers in England and Wales
11. 78,700 more nurses12. 27,400 more doctors
30. Over 30,000 more teachers in England schools
...how many have *left* these services at the same time?

37. Cut long-term youth unemployment by 75 per cent
...by lowering university entrance standards....

48. Record number of students in higher education
... see above - did this while freezing maintenance grants to universities, and *after* bringing in tuition fees and abolishing grants. Quite astonishing, really, when you think how heavily his government has disincentivised students to go.

43. Cleanest rivers, beaches, drinking water and air since the industrial revolution
...did *he* do anything to contribute to this? Where, precisely? I would argue that the end of British heavy industry under Thatcher, combined with stringent EC legislation made this possible.

46. Halved maximum waiting times for NHS operations
... by fining trusts that make people wait. Those who wait longest therefore get operated on when they hit the time limit, irrelevant of what is actually wrong with them, while those in dire need wait, in pain, for longer.

45. Banned fur farming and the testing of cosmetics on animals
... European legislation, not his idea...

50. Five, six and seven-year-olds in class sizes of 30 or less
... Every single one? Really?

While he's been in power I've been to university and found a very nice girlfriend. Does he want to take the credit for that too? Perhaps he was responsible for the Ashes and the Welsh Grand Slam, as well? Where *does* his omnipotence end? Is he responsible for the sunny blue sky today? Oh, say you *are*, Tony, say you are, do!"

Top tier stuff. I am all for anyone who wants to make the worst week of Blair's life even worse by pointing out that he has, in his nine years in power, achieved the square root of fuck all. And you know what the ironic thing is? The Moai is left wing, and I am right wing, and the one thing that we can always agree on is that Blair has been a complete and total disappointment to everyone in this country, regardless of political views. Less than a year left, Blair reckons? Good fucking riddance to the shameless tosser.