Doctor Who: The TV Movie

I know it has its fans just as I know that Paul McGann has his fans. But to me, this movie is an utter failure. McGann is a failure as the Doctor. And this whole misfire nearly consigned the series to oblivion when it should have been a glorious rebirth of the series.

Yeah, yeah, I know that McGann has got far better as the Doctor in the Big Finish audio plays. And I know that it is slightly unfair to choose a clunker from the McGann era when there is only one TV story to choose from. But it still stands, and as far as I am concerned this movie was and is a massive disappointment.

To truly understand why I have so little time for McGann's one TV outing it is worth comparing this failed attempt to relaunch the show with a later - far more successful attempt; 2005's Rose. Because while Rose is far from perfect, it does help to highlight all that went wrong with this TV movie. Rose begins with, well, Rose as she goes about her daily business - getting up, going to work, flirting with her boyfriend, before finally going into the basement of the store where she works to find that the shop dummies have started to move. Then she meets the man who will change her life and he says just one word - "run". It is a brilliant opening, launching straight into an adventure without bringing the complex baggage of 26 years worth of Doctor Who. However, the TV Movie does precisely the opposite. In a pre-title sequence that consists of bad CGI and Dalek voices that sound like chipmunks playing as Daleks, the Doctor in a voice over says:

"It was on the planet Skaro that my old enemy, the Master, was finally put on trial. They say he listened calmly as his list of evil crimes was read and sentence passed. Then he made his last, and I thought somewhat curious, request. He demanded that I, the Doctor, a rival Time Lord, should take his remains back to our home planet - Gallifrey. It was a request they should never have granted."

So, this sequence assumes prior knowledge of (1) Skaro, the home planet of the Daleks (2) who the Master is and (3) people identify the Daleks from their voices - they will know what they sound like even though they don't sound like, well, the Daleks here. So it is an intro for geeks like me, really. Except that it is really unsatisfying even for geeks. It isn't just the Dalek voices, it is the complete lack of knowledge of the Daleks. Yeah, they might execute the Master - that's believable. But they don't do last requests. And they certainly don't invite their mortal enemy - the Oncoming Storm - to pick up the last remains of one of his other mortal enemies from their home world without exterminating him. And why the frig would the Doctor agree to this? To place himself in moral danger in order to get the final remains of his nemesis (particularly given the Master was actually using a stolen body)? Sorry, this beginning is bollocks, and it makes no-one happy; neither the casual viewer or the devoted fan.

Then we have the presentation of the Doctor. In Rose, he is instantly charismatic; a mix of a gurning joker and angry, bereaved loner. He is also alien through and through. The Eighth Doctor, however, comes across like a hyperactive child, rushing around, talking crap and acting like a slightly quirky action hero. As I say, McGann matures in the Big Finish audio plays, but here he is the least Doctorish Doctor there has ever been. And as for that horseshit about him being half-human... please. Why do we need this? What does it add to the story? And for such a continuity filled installment of the show, to piss on 26 years worth of mythology by making the Doctor half-human is both crass and pointless.

Of course, McGann isn't helped by the fact that, for a sizable minority of the story, he isn't the Doctor. Instead, we see the demise of the Seventh Doctor. Now, as noted last week, I'm a big fan of McCoy's incarnation, so it was nice to see him again in this. Nice, but not essential. Not least because the most Machiavellian of Doctors is not felled through his own machinations but rather through being caught in the crossfire in a gang war before finally being offed by his new companion operating on him. Besides, it is a dumb way to begin a new era of the show and to relaunch it to an international audience - McCoy was watched by between 3 and 5 million people in the UK, making him probably the least successful Doctor in terms of viewing figures ever. And it is difficult to imagine many people in America knowing much about the Seventh Doctor. So why open your brand new version of the show with a little known actor who is about to be replaced anyway? Why not just start the new version of Doctor Who with the new Doctor? Like, well, they did with Rose? I mean, just imagine how surreal would have been with Paul McGann in the role of the Doctor for the first ten minutes before he regenerated... into the new (and therefore real) star of the show.

Then we have the adversaries and the companion(s). The Master is the main enemy here and, by God, he's fucking mental in this one. And quite nasty as well. He doesn't mind snapping people's necks or destroying his own stolen body. I guess you could argue that he is pretty desperate here, but it doesn't stop him from camping it up. It isn't that the Master is bad here, more that he just isn't that memorable. In his first adventures, he was always backed up by some other monsters... like, Autons in his first story. And Autons are a simple idea, but very effective. Plastic mannequins that come to life. Much more memorable that a glorified body snatcher.

Of course, companions don't need to be visually iconic or that memorable on paper. The two companions in the TV movie - surgeon and gang member - are far more memorable on paper than Rose Tyler. Yet it is Rose Tyler, with her inquisitive nature and her ability to save the day, that makes her an iconic companion and those in TV Movie also-rans. Rose Tyler is extraordinary despite being ordinary; the two companions in the TV Movie are really very ordinary despite living extraordinary day to day lives. Neither shows any real curiousity about traveling in the TARDIS. Rose? She sprints into the TARDIS at the end of her first story. And quite right too. If the human we are witnessing the story through isn't at least a bit interested in life in the TARDIS, why should we be interested?

Which is why the ending to Rose - with its excitement and promise of future adventure - is actually inspiring, whereas the ending to the TV Movie - with its promise of repetition and its use of a comedy sound effect - just makes the viewer think that no-one is taking this story seriously.

Of course, bad luck could play a part here for McGann. In a sense, comparing his debut story to the relaunch of the show by a lifelong fan and talented writer in his own right taking a hell of a lot of creative control, is unfair. I mean, other Doctors - both of the Bakers and McCoy for example - had disappointing debut stories. The difference is, of course, that for the other three those stories were part of a (highly) popular, long-lasting TV series. In the case of the McGann story, this was meant to be the (re)launch of a very British brand internationally. Put simply, it couldn't afford to be anything other than fast-moving, light-weight yet compelling entertainment. It certainly shouldn't have been an often nonsensical piece that pleases neither the casual viewer or the fan. This TV movie was beaten by a season finale of Roseanne. And, as much as it pains me to say it, this TV movie deserved to be beaten by an episode in a series about a fat woman and her working class family. Indeed, given the success of Rose, it is interesting to conjecture what might had happened if the Eighth Doctor hadn't met Grace but instead a girl from a working class family with a mother like Roseanne...

Now, the reality is that, one day, Doctor Who will disappear from our screens again. But it is also true that, a few years after that disappearance, someone will decide that it is the right time to resurrect it. And let's just hope that they use, for all its flaws (like the bin that burps), they use Rose rather than going for this terribly disappointing and completely mishandled attempt to relaunch Doctor Who.