Backing Balls

As the Labour leadership contest rolls on with all the speed of a melting asthmatic glacier with a limp, people are making up their minds on who to support. And I've finally decided who would get my vote (if I had one). Yep, as you might have guessed from the title of this post, I'm backing Ed Balls.

It's not just because he's the person who is most likely to sink the Labour party - although this is both true and also a factor. However, there is another reason. See, out of all the Labour leadership candidates, I truly understand what Ed Balls stands for.

The Milibands have failed to distinguish themselves from each other. I cannot make out one from the other, and often seem to be running to establish not who could be Labour leader but who is the blandest of the pair. The same applies to Andy Burnham - he is indistinguishable from the Milibands, which is no mean feat given he isn't actually a Miliband. And as for Abbott - her entire campaign is based on her ethnicity and her gender. She hasn't given any other reason why she should be Labour leader. She doesn't appear to stand for anything other than the broad parameters of her own identity.

Whereas Balls... well, Ed stands for something. In fact, he stands for two things. He stands for naked self-interest based on a completely undeserved and arrogant sense of entitlement. And he stands for a pig-headed inability to understand that the game is up and he should give up. There is something honest about Ed Balls - what he stands for is written all over his porcine face and in every stuttering statement. For Ed, it is all about the Balls, and that's why I'd urge all Labour supporters to back him. Besides, naked self-serving transparency would probably be something that a lot of those who can vote in this leadership election can emphathise with...