The Tories Fighting the Booze

I've often claimed that the Tories will drift towards mindless social conservatism as soon as they win the next election. It seems that they have already started that drift before a single vote is cast. Let's take a look at some of the most recent pronouncements from the Tories - in this case, on booze. 

From David Cameron - a man, lest we forget, who is likely to be Prime Minister this time next year:

"We need to look at the unbelievable availability of very cheap drink, getting three litres of cider for £1.99, at all hours of day and night."

Now I know that Mr Cameron -  whose conception of cheap cider is probably a bottle of Magners in his local wine bar - probably doesn't know this, but any cider that costs £1.99 for three litres is most likely to be liquid filth. Much respect to anyone who can actually drink the stuff; the concept of it makes my stomach turn and body wince. Let's be honest, cider like that is going to appeal to just two types of people. Kids and tramps. 

So how can we stop those two types of people getting hold of the sort of cider that could probably be also used as battery acid? Well, firstly, kids shouldn't be buying it anyway. There are laws to stop that. So let's try enforcing those laws rather than just looking at the problem. Which leaves us with tramps. 

There is a park opposite where I live; a nice park, except when the winos, tramps and dossers have their occasional drink-offs there. They are cider drinkers - I can tell from the discarded bottles of cider that don't even have a brand name on them. They just say "STRONG WHITE CIDER" on the side. Now, my observation is that these people will buy alcohol no matter what restrictions you place on them. You can only allow the tramp juice to be sold at particular times; they'll be waiting in the off-licence for those times, each and every day. And you can raise the price of the alcohol. This will either piss off the tramps - and they are unpleasant enough at the moment; good God knows what they would be like if they have to pay more for their paint-stripper cider - or the tramps will start making their own drinks. And since they seem to be incapable of going to the toilet without soiling themselves in the process, I rather think that making a safe alcoholic beverage is going to be beyond them. They'll end up dying in parks or clogging up A&E - their strangely bloated bellies full of anti-freeze. Raising the price and restricting the sale of alcohol won't stop these people. Arguably, it will make things worse. 

But that's not going to stop the Tories. Because Iain Duncan Smith - the worst Tory leader in living memory - also has a plan to deal with binge drinking:

Iain Duncan Smith proposed a higher price for alcohol and a higher tax that could be used to pay for more treatments to addicts.

So, Mr and Mrs Williams of Vauxhall Drive are going to have to pay more for their bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon at Waitrose so Mr Wino can get better treatment for his alcohol addiction? Yeah, I can see that idea sitting well with Middle England. They won't resent that idea at all. And if we're going to do that, we may as well introduce a sex tax as well. Every time you get your end away, you have to give the government a couple of quid. So they can pay for the treatment of whores with the clap. 

The vast majority of people in this country use alcohol responsibly. They don't go on the rampage, they don't hurt other people with their drinking, and it is their right to choose to consume alcohol. By introducing taxes and higher prices for all, the Tories would be punishing those responsible people. It isn't fair, it isn't right, it isn't moral. 

Besides, there is no need to introduce further curbs on drinking. Just enforce the laws that already exist. As someone who has held a liquor licence, I know that there are restrictions in place to stop kids, drunk people and alcoholics from being served alcohol. By actually enforcing those laws you might make some headway in dealing with those problems; introducing new taxes and rules will simply punish everyone.