Expense Abuse: Some Case Studies

Seriously, it is getting like The Day Today - the more I hear about the expense claims of our MPs, the more I want to hit the computer screen hard, and then laugh with a curious mix of admiration at the audacity and hatred at the greed of our MPs. Some highlights:

Those featured by the Daily Telegraph include tourism minister Barbara Follett, who claimed more than £25,000 for security patrols at her home.

Who would want to attack Barbara Follett? Prior to hearing that she has billed us £25k for security patrols, I mean. Thinking about it, though, I'd like some security patrols for my home. Who should I send the invoice to?

Another gem:

Backbench Labour MP Margaret Moran also came under scrutiny on Saturday. She has yet to comment on reports she apparently spent £22,500 on treating dry rot at the coastal property she had designated as her second home - which is not in London and is 100 miles from her Luton constituency.

Presumably she has yet to comment because it is a real pisser to dream up an excuse for her behaviour. I don't mean charging the treatment for dry rot to the taxpayer, although she probably needs a sound kicking for that. No, it is more the problem with coming up with an excuse for having a second home that is not in the constituency or in London. I mean, that is pretty audacious behaviour, but presumably Ms Moran doesn't want to tell the truth and simply say "sorry, I was taking the piss. Thought you wouldn't catch me."

And this sort of comment just defies understanding:

Saturday's 11-page report also said care services minister Phil Hope had spent more than £37,000 over about four years on refurbishing and furnishing a two-bedroom south London flat. Mr Hope said: "I claimed the cost of running and furnishing a flat in London, in full accordance with the rules that apply to members of Parliament. The purchases I made were no more than was necessary to live in a habitable residence and replacements only occurred when furniture and fittings were worn out. These items were then disposed of. I have not personally benefited from this process."

Right, so, you spent £37k on a second home in London, and you didn't benefit from the money? How in the name of Sweet Jesus Christ did you manage that? Do you even listen to yourself when you speak? Do you not hear the contradictions in what you are saying? Do you not stop and think that maybe the freeform fucking gibberish spewing forth from your gob like a ruptured sewer in flooding season is actually making things worse?

I could go on, highlighting individual cases. Actually, it is increasingly looking like I could go on and on and on. But that isn't going to help anyone. Instead, I'd just like to point something out to our MPs. We're hearing comments like "we did nothing wrong" and "everything we did was within the rules" a lot. That's fine, no doubt all you fine, fine people did play things exactly by the book. But if that is the case, then heed the calls from those who want all expenses to be published. Now. After all, if you did nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear. Just show us - the people you are supposed to represent in Parliament - what you have spent our money on. That should be fine, shouldn't it? End the drip drip drip method of spreading information, and stop the leaking by telling us straight up what you have spent our money on.

Of course, I could be waiting a while until MPs actually volunteer this information. So I'm going to go make myself a cup of coffee. I realise, though, that this process may take longer than that. But, like many people in this country who want our MPs to actually be accountable for the money of ours that they waste, I'm prepared to wait. Even if it is until hell freezes over.