Glenrothes: Fleeting Victory

My word. My word. Gordon's only gone and won a bloody by-election.

This must be an exciting new feeling for him. Glenrothes could have been the gallows for his premiership. Instead, this election represents a shot in the arm for him; a syringe full of morphine that eases the pain of his slow decline towards total defeat.

Of course, you could argue that it really isn't a massive achievement to win a seat that is in the Labour heartland and is a safe seat. Frankly, there should have been no doubt that the Labour party would be able to retain this seat, and their vote is down a third on 2005. But for Gordon Brown, anything other than abject failure is to be treated as an out and out triumph. And I don't want to rain too much on Gordon's parade - let him have his happy day. After all, this by-election is a single, fragile shard of light that has illuminated, however briefly, a life clouded by resentful gloom.

What does stick in my throat though is some of the coverage for this win. Probably my own fault for reading The Guardian on a day when Labour have actually managed to do something right, but still:

Labour pulled off a stunning byelection victory in the early hours of this morning, defying predictions to retain the once safe Labour seat of Glenrothes in the first indication that Gordon Brown's heightened international standing and handling of the financial crisis has translated into improved electoral fortunes.

Three points:

1. A stunning by-election victory. That would be where Labour retained a safe seat with a diminished majority. I know that Labour set expectations low for this by-election, but seriously, this is far from a stunning victory. Next thing you know we'll be reading about how McCain won a stunning victory in the US Presidential election. In fucking Wyoming.

2. Gordon Brown's heightened international standing. You what? You fucking what?! Heightened internation standing? How the piss Christ has Brown's international standing been heightened? Because he hasn't soiled himself at an international conference? Because he hasn't had a complete mental breakdown and started sobbing in public squares? Because he hasn't punched a baby in the face during one of his temper tantrums? And Gordon Brown's international standing will have a very limited impact on the Glenrothes by-election. Unless Sarkozy and Merkel have secretly and illegally registered to vote for Brown's arse kissing by-election candidate. But no, I'd imagine this "heightened international standing" has something to do with Brown's response to the credit crunch.

3. Handling of the financial crisis. So Brown's victory is about him nationalising banks. With tax payer funds. Seriously, what Christing fuck? I've no idea whether the voters of Glenrothes have voted for Labour because of Brown's hard-on for spending public funds implementing the 1983 Labour Manifesto, but this praise of Gordon for propping failing banks with billions of pound of our money needs to be stopped from being touted as a success. Seriously, if this is a success, then what in good God's name is a failure? Piling every ten and twenty pound note in the country into Parliament square and then setting fire to them?

Brown is a failure. He is the worst British Prime Minister since Anthony Eden, and given the competition for that post include Callaghan, Wilson, Douglas-Home and Heath, that is no mean feat. Brown's party may have won this by-election, but this result does not change the simple truth that Brown is an incompetent, ignorant, misanthropic, jaundiced, bitter, raging cunt of the very highest order. And it also does not change the fact that Gordon Brown is not fit for the high office he managed to steal from the previous PM.