Some people seem to be criticising Gordon Brown for not going to campaign in the Crewe and Nantwich by-election. Well, I think that is totally unfair. The most sensible thing that Brown can do is not go anywhere near that by-election. After all, history has shown he is terrified of elections, and when he does get involved in elections, he is absolutely shit at it. Seriously, he is totally fucking crap. The best thing he can do is not get involved in elections at all.

So, Gordon, hide from all elections. Seriously, it is for the best. In fact, hide from all public interactions. Don't go outside. If you do, then you run the risk of being hating you even more. In fact, don't do anything. If you do, people hate you. So don't. What I'd suggest is find a big rock and hide under it, until your term in office expires and you are turfed out by a political lightweight. Yes, you will still lose the election. But at least it will be a less embarrassing loss for you. Because if you go outside and if you do anything, people will just hate you more.

The best bet for the Brown premiership - do nothing and hide.