'Tis the Season...

I love Christmas. I dare say some people, given the general misanthropy sometimes seen on this blog, might expect me to be Scrooge like over the Festive period, but nothing could be further from the truth. Christmas is awesome. It is even better these days because there is actually something worth watching on the TV.

Office Christmas parties, however, are different.

Don’t get me wrong, I do still enjoy a decent office Christmas party. If it has been properly considered and properly planned, it can be a good experience. But far too often they descend into mindless drunkenness, and have all the attendant problems of mindless drinking.

I’m not against drinking. In fact, I rather like drinking. A (rather worryingly) large amount of my life has been spent in various stages of inebriation. But that means, come Christmas, I know how much I can drink and still avoid being utterly, if you pardon my French, shitted.

It is those who don’t drink, or who seldom drink, who tend to be the ones who rapidly get to the state I would define as "mindlessly wasted". It is those who end vomiting anywhere other than in the toilet, who end up fighting and falling over, and who end up humiliating themselves. It is those non-drinkers who probably make up most of the passengers on "the vomit comet". It is a simple message, but one people seem to miss – just because you can drink more at Christmas, doesn’t mean you should. After all, the fact that it is Christmas doesn’t suddenly give you hollow legs and a greater tolerance to alcohol.

So to anyone who is "gonna go mental" at Christmas after a year of relative temperance, think about how you will feel the next day. You’ll have a hangover that makes the very worst flu feel like a light cold. And your stomach will want to eat itself – not just because of the sambuca shots, but also as you remembered the crippingly embarrassing things you did in front of your work colleagues the previous evening.