Spam Watch: Business Support Assistant

There's lots of spam out there, and an increasing amount of it focuses on job opportunities/offers. Some of it is really easy to spot; others, less so. Take a look at this one:

Good day,

Ok, not the best of starts. Few people will open an e-mail with this sort of greeting - even recruitment consultants will think twice about doing so.

Customer Services Assistant required to work within a team at an E-Commerce and retail business in United Kingdom.

This is quite credible; customer service opportunities are among the view opportunities out there at the moment in any real quantities. Although the title of the e-mail talks about it being a "Business Support Assistant" role, not a "Customer Service Assistant" role.

The International company recently opened some positions due to expansion of its business.

Which international company? Probably should read "An International company" there, but that could just be a typo.

This expansion means opening new branches, starting innovative projects and some online projects.

Again, sounds credible - although quite a wide and demanding brief for a customer service role.

We provide support and training during the trial period.

Well done you.

We have prepared a list of specialties we are interested in.

Again, top work.

Please send us your CV with detailed description of your skills and experience,and we will try to find the most suitable job for you.

But I thought the job was that of a customer service assistant?

We suggest that you start from the position of the assistant manager.

Hang on, I thought this was a customer service assistant position? That's a big promotion to assistant manager. Particularly when you consider it has happened across the space of one e-mail.

This is the first step in your career, but it allows you to learn all intricate details specific only to our work.

First step in a career... into an assistant manager position. And what international retail company honestly has intricate details specific only to their work? You sell stuff to customers, basically.

Job Location: UK and EU only (various locations, depending on our Customers' needs)

But I thought the role was there because of business growth in the UK? Blimey, though, this is a good position though - from customer service assistant in the UK to assistant manager on a pan-European level in just a few lines.

The job does not require any investments or upfront fees on your side.

Yeah, like fuck it doesn't. Just send 'em your bank details when they ask and see what no "upfront fees" actually means.

Monetary compensation for this position is based on experience and starts at GBP 2,000 per month.

Which is pretty good for an entry level position.

The requirements of an Management Associate/Sales Support Member position include, but are not limited to:

...note yet another couple of job titles thrown into the mix...

- Age 18 +
- Ambitiousness, high self motivation, responsibility and discipline.
- Communicative skills

Do we mean communication skills?

- You have a good working experience in MS Windows environment
- You have a positive attitude in fast-paced working

...what? Environment? world? Crazy parallel dream reality? What?

We will be happy to welcome you into our team of high qualified specialists.
We promise to make you a professional in your field.

Already a professional in my field, and slightly doubting you would be able to keep this promise anyway. Mainly because you don't seem to know what your own field actually is.

If you are interested, please reply to : Roy@online-colsulting.com with your CV

Think I'll pass, Roy. Just as I would with any real recruitment company that used e-mail addresses with just the first name in them. Or who couldn't spell the word "consulting"

It probably seems a little pointless to fisk a spam e-mail. But it is only really when you look hard at these types of e-mails that you actually see that they are contradictory bags of crap. If you were looking for a job and having to sift through potentially hundreds of e-mails, then you might miss the warning signs here. And end up having, at the very least, your time wasted.

And before anyone asks, no, I haven't been taken in by these sort of e-mails. My innate cynicism just won't allow it.