Paranormal Activity 2

I once lived in a haunted house. There would be a strange tapping at the window - the upstairs window. And the alarm would sometimes go off all by itself, despite not being set. Creepy, eh? Except, of course, until you take into account that the tapping noise was probably water dripping and the alarm going off was probably caused by the fact that (a) it was really old and (b) the electrics were probably corroded by the fact that the whole house was sodden with damp. Then, when you combine the fact that these events took place over the course of nearly three years, you get to the truth that this "haunting" was the world's dullest one. At least until you watch Paranormal Activity 2.

For the first hour of the film, nothing really happens. In fact, the first half hour of the movie is mainly taken up with the conundrum of how a pool cleaner can exit a pool by itself. Lacking a pool cleaner, a pool, and any real empathy with the main characters, this all comes across to me as really rather tedious. Fortunately the ghost/demon ups the ante. By turning on and off lights, opening and closing doors, and doing other really rather boring stuff. The biggest scare in the first hour or so is cupboard doors opening. No, really. It is like the demon was having an off day, and actually couldn't be bothered. Or he/she/it was saving its best to last. Whatever the plan, Paranormal Activity 2 feels a little misleading. Paranormal Inactivity would be a better title.

Even when things gear up for the big finale the film still fails to get interesting. In fact, it seems at pains to reenact scenes from the first film. Woman dragged along the floor - check. Person thrown at camera - check. Yes, it has a higher budget, but that doesn't really make it look any more realistic. And the moment when a character gets his neck snapped is unintentionally comical.

However, this sequel is determined not just to be boring - it also wishes to piss all over its far more effective predecessor. The reason for the demonic haunting is explained away using sub-Faustian bollocks. Memo to film-makers - arbitrary evil is far more unnerving than evil with a cliched explanation behind it. We don't need to know why this is happening; in fact, not knowing makes it scarier. But no. We get exposition. Or shit a teenager read on da interwebs. We also get a deeply convoluted attempt to tie this story in with the continuity of the first film, meaning the whole story feels curiously tacked on to a much simpler - and much better - original. Quite why we couldn't have another random haunting is beyond me. Instead, though, we end up with a paranormal soap opera. The "twist" is only really clever if you care a lot about these characters. Unfortunately, the film doesn't do anything to make me care about them. In fact, it makes me care even less about the characters in the original.

And then there is the framing device, or rather the crude attempts to explain why all this is being filmed. Yep, I get that it is about security. But that is rather undermined when the person who had the cameras installed refuses to check them when strange stuff happens.

But the biggest flaw is in the editing of the film. The first film was quite taut, moving from exposition to scares with a certain fluidity. Not so here. The editing is absolutely abysmal. Clearly, the filmmakers decided that reality is best reflected through showing normality. And then more normality. And then more normality. And then something weird happening. Or not, as the case might be. Unfortunately, that isn't interesting. In fact, it is so boring that it breeds resentment. That scene when the guy gets his neck snapped? I'd spent so long watching the cunt lounging on a sofa prior to him buying it that I frankly wanted the dopey sod to die. Which I'm guessing was not what was intended.

So we have another tedious horror movie. Why get so worked up about this one? Because the first one - despite its flaws - was actually curiously effective. This one, however, not only killed the fledgling franchise for me, but also robbed that first film of much of what made it effective. Not so much a missed opportunity but a spectacular own goal.

Paranormal Activity 2 - don't bother.