Bus Etiquette

Now, I can understand why people might not want other people to eat really smelly food, or to listen to music too loudly on their headphones, or to have outrageously loud conversations on their mobiles while they are on a bus. But there is a reason why, personally, I end up listening to my headphones while I am enduring a bus ride. It’s this: I cannot bear the loud, endless and tedious conversations about nothing of other people. You might think your life is so important that you have to let not only your friend/relative know about it, but you’d be wrong. Your life is dull. It is tedious. And the very fact that you seem to find it so interesting that you have to inflict it on your fellow bus travellers is further proof of what a boring, self-absorbed shite you are.

So I’ll do a deal with you: I’ll not listen to music if you, my slack-jawed bus brethren, learn to shut the fuck up. Otherwise, I’ll be listening to Primal Scream et al at a loud enough volume to drown your tedium out. Because, quite frankly, it is the only thing stopping me from ripping out your super strength, endlessly flapping tongue and beating you to death with it.