On Miliband Major's Championing of the Pub

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present David Miliband - Bananaman and champion of the pub! Or at least that's what he's vying to be with this press release. Let's break down the "actual words" of Miliband Major as they appear in this communiqué:

“Last orders are being called for good at around 40 pubs a week as they come under pressure from supermarkets selling cheaper beer.

Heh. Well, supermarkets may be part of the problem, but they certainly are the problem in its entirety, but more on this later. What I would point out now is that Miliband is printing something that has been happening for years, if not for the best part of a decade, as if it is breaking news. Pubs have been closing at a rate of knots throughout the Nu Labour years. If Miliband doesn't know this, then he is either highly unobservant or a bit dumb. And neither is ideal in a prospective Prime Minister.

This is not just bad news for those who enjoy a pint at their local – in many villages and towns across Britain pubs are the life and soul of the community.

What a wonderfully quaint view Miliband Major seems to have of British pubs. Sure, some of them are the life and soul of their community - the one in my parent's tiny village could be an example of that. But they are also places where people go to get arseholed or laid (or both) - like many of those in central Nottingham. That's not to say that we shouldn't support both types of pub, mind, since they both make a contribution to the economy. But it does leave me wondering when Miliband Major last actually went to the pub. I suspect he's more used to supping a glass of tax-payer subsidised Sancerre in the Commons bar.

“As we enter the holiday season its important we stand up for British tourism and the importance of pubs to our tourist industry.

Yeah, we should only stand up for British pubs as we are entering the holiday season. We don't have to bother to stand up for them for the rest of the year now, do we? What a wanker.

For too long we have tolerated this decline as the result of inevitable market forces.

This, ladies and gentleman, is what we call bollocks. I have not come across anyone else arguing that the decline in pubs is down to market forces. Rather, I'd argue that the decline in pubs is down to government intervention in that particular market, particularly in the form of the smoking ban. You want to know why pubs are going out of business? Because smokers now find that there habit has been criminalised by the Nu Labour government in their local. You want to help save the pubs, Mr Miliband? Argue for the repeal of the smoking ban. But I reckon Miliband's ersatz support for our pubs is not quite going to go that far...

And finally:

But we can and should stand up for the local pub – and the community links and civic life they sustain. Local pubs are great British institutions – and as Labour leader I would stand up for them.”

Unfortunately, the sole reason why Miliband Major is standing up for the British pub now is because he is desperately trying to distinguish himself from the other non-entities running for Labour leader. He doesn't give a fuck about pubs. If he did, he would have done something about it when he was a senior government minister with some influence over actual practical politics. The fact that he has discovered his "stand" for the great British pub as he is running for election as leader of the opposition speaks volumes about his actual lack of commitment to this cause.