5 movies that...

...I have no intention of ever watching even though other people bang on about them all the time:

5. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: I have no desire to waste a couple of hours of my life watching some mockney cunt playing out his gangster fantasies on the big screen. Oh, and having Vinnie Jones in your film doesn't make it cooler, it just undermines it.

4. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: I know it got a lot of plaudits when it was released, but it actually is just a bog standard love story told in reverse. There is nothing special about this idea other than the growing younger conceit - and if I want to watch something on that subject, I'd go with Golden Years.

3. The Godfather II: I thought the first one was so boring that it basically constitutes a crime against humanity so I have no desire whatsoever to watch the second film in the series. The same for the third one, but in fairness, people don't rave as much about that one.

2. Enter the Dragon: I have no interest in Bruce Lee or any of his films. They don't so much leave me cold as leave me utterly uninterested. Plus, I suspect that if you aren't into martial arts this film would actually be utter bollocks... which means I'm pretty sure that I would find this film to be utter bollocks.

1. Chicago: a musical gangster movie starring Richard Gere and Catherine Zeta-Jones is, conceptually, the sort of thing that should be condemned to an eternity in development hell. The fact is was made startles me - the fact that intelligent people have watched it and liked it is nearly beyond belief. I'd rather watch one of the Police Academy sequels then this - they're as ludicrous as this film sounds to me, but at least they don't have songs in them.

Feedback and violent disagreement in the comments section, please.