Harsh satire, but ultimately fair:

NOEL Edmonds' wife was being questioned by police last night over why she has failed to smother him in his sleep.

Liz Edmonds admitted during a radio interview that despite the viewing public's prolonged suffering, she has always resisted the temptation to crush 300 aspirin and mix them into his Cheerios.

I, of course, would have substituted Jamie Oliver for Noel Edmonds, but there we go...