Chancellor Ed

Ugh.

*Shudders*

Oh, I feel quite ill.

*Shudders again*

Ed Balls as Chancellor? That has to be some sort of bad joke. Like joking about the Holocaust. Or paedophilia. You know, the sort of joke that makes you think you are going to burn in hell just for letting it even bring a smirk to your lips. My God, the concept makes me shudder as if someone was walking over my grave. Actually, as someone was walking over my grave and gently vomiting on it. 

Why on earth would anyone - even Gordon Brown - want Ed Balls as Chancellor? Ed Balls sums up the very worst in the history of the Labour movement. Boorish, arrogant, liberal with his expense claims and the very definition of a supposed socialist quaffing at the champagne bar of life, he is ghastly through and through. I'd imagine he is the sort of person that people emigrate to avoid. The concept of this unreconstructed socialist oaf in Number 11 Downing Street is terrifying. He'd be possibly the only person in the world who would make you long for the sure, steady grasp of Gordon Brown at the helm of the economy. The sole reason why you might make Balls Chancellor were if all the alternatives - all, mind - were pitbull terriers brain-damaged through rabies. 

If Gordon Brown even tries to make Balls his Chancellor, then we will know that he has finally lost it. Who cares if he is friends with Balls? One of my friends is an arrogant, boorish, bullying wanker as well. You wouldn't see me making him Chancellor if I was PM. It isn't a question of loyalty or friendship. Ed Balls is about as capable of being Chancellor as Gordon Brown is of being Prime... Oh, perhaps I can see why Brown would push his Balls into Number 11 (pun, obviously, intended).

But this is the point - some Tories might relish the concept of Balls in Number 11 because it makes an already likely Tory victory at the next election pretty much a dead cert. The problem is that Balls, if he does get into No. 11, will have about a year to pillage and decimate the national economy. We cannot afford to have the one man with less economic competence and less social skills than Gordon Brown in Number 11. It would be like having a malign, misanthropic Laurel and Hardy in the two most important positions in this country. 

The prospect of Brown in charge of this country for another year is bad enough. The idea of Brown and Balls in charge for until next summer should shake even the sturdiest of hearts to their very core.