Labour's Answer to William Hague

This much is becoming very clear - the Labour party aren't going to grow the balls they need to push Brown from power and to replace him as Prime Minister. This decision, of course, has a knock-on effect, meaning that Labour will lose the next General Election. And they will lose it badly. At this rate, it will be the sort of catastrophic meltdown last achieved by the Tories in 1997. And it will be at that point that the Labour party finally gets a fucking spine, and replaces the godawful creature who currently leads them.

At that point, the race will be on. To find the new Labour leader. To find the Labour equivalent of William Hague.

See, at this rate, Labour aren't going to just lose the next election, but also the one after. The next Labour leader is going to have the mixed blessing of being pretty much sure that they won't be able to become Prime Minister at any point. Ever.

The safest thing for the Labour party to do would be to give the leadership to a tried and tested pair of hands; someone with the experience and gravitas to take on Prime Minister Cameron and to tide the party over until it is next in a fit state to rule. The problem is that plain ain't gonna happen. Your Alan Johnsons of this world, the Jack Straws aren't going to win a Labour leadership contest. They are too old, too compromised and too much associated with Labour failures. Plus, after binning one grey faced old man, why would they want to put another in a position of power?

Likewise, those who have lusted for power under Gordon - like Miliband and Harman - aren't going to make it. They are tainted by the stigma of disloyalty, at the same time as having deep individual flaws. Miliband is a ridiculous, over-grown schoolboy who has managed to offend nations as Foreign Secretary at the same time as ruining any residual credibility he might have had by posing for a photo with a banana. Harman is an utterly divisive figure who is only recognisable as a self-proclaimed feminist with no respect whatsoever for the rule of law. As a gimmicky option to replace Brown, maybe they could have worked. But they aren't going to lead the party after the election wipeout. And the likes of Jacqui Smith? Well, they ain't gonna have a seat in Parliament after the next election...

Which leaves the younger lights of the Labour party - those who aren't too tainted by years of working for Blair and Brown. And once sift the sewage to find the brightest turd, you have James Purnell. So that's my prediction for the Labour leader after the Great Electoral Wipeout of 2010.

The Labour party will hope that he will capture the public imagination like Cameron has, and Blair did before him. Of course, Purnell won't. He'll be mocked as a lightweight response to Cameron, and his party will lack the funds, ambition and ability to truly build him up as a credible leader (despite a complete lack of substance) as has happened with both Blair and Cameron. He'll hang around for four years, lose the 2014 General Election to Cameron, and then the hunt will be on to find another Labour leader. Just as happened to William Hague in 2001.

Of course, making politicial predictions is a very dangerous game, and things could change overnight. But so much is certain about British politics at the moment - that Cameron is going to be PM, that Brown is a disaster, and that Clegg is a waste of space - that a bit of speculation actually makes things one hell of a lot more interesting. And it will be fascinating to see how Labour respond to the challenges of getting their arses whupped next year. They're going to be broken and unable to take power for a long time. And quite who will want the poisoned chalice of being the next Labour leader is a little beyond me - but I am sure that there will be some egocentric individual somewhere in that party who goes for the challenge.