Diana - Al Fayed speaks!*

Mohamed Al-Fayed's input to the Diana big fat waste of time is a startling mix of the accurate and the totally fucking barmy. He claims that the Duke of Edinburgh is a racist, which must be obvious to everyone bar the more extreme members of the BNP. He also claims that Diana was murdered by a combination of strobe lights, a drunken MI6 agent driver and a frigging fiat - a murder plot that would be too moronic and mental even for a Roger Moore Bond movie.

However, one question struck me as I skimmed over the latest bastard gibberish about this death that happened over a decade ago. Given Al-Fayed has sought his delusional vision of the truth for the past ten years, given he has kept these loopy conspiracy theories in the public glare, given he has spent millions of his own fortune to create an inquest into these deaths, and given the Royal Family were capable of creating a intricate and highly unlikely assassination of one of the most visible women in the world, given all that, why the fucking hell haven't they killed Al-Fayed?

Hell, bearing in mind that it would end the tedious, mind numbing and totally repetitive speculation around the Diana death at the same time as reducing the page count of the average issue of The Daily Express by a third, killing Al-Fayed would almost be a public service.

*Again.