**BREAKING NEWS** **BREAKING NEWS** **BYERS ASSAULTED**

Stephen Byers, MP, has been assaulted over his expenses! Jesus, I hope he's ok after such a fierce attack:

The North Tyneside MP was sprayed with a soft drink by a man protesting against MPs' expenses.

Spraying fizzy pop on someone is an assault? It's an attack? Really? Since when? Or are we now defining assault someone as being a bit of an arse to someone else?

"No injuries were sustained during the incident"

You don't say...