Jamie Oliver: The Wisdom of a Moron

The BBC carries this story about Jamie Oliver:

In an interview with Paris Match magazine, Oliver suggested people in the UK cared more about getting drunk than they did about eating well.

Hm. Now, I'm not a massive fan of Jamie Oliver. In fact, my hatred for Jamie Oliver is nearly matched by my hatred for one G. Brown, presently residing in Downing Street, London. And when I read something said or written (no doubt by a ghost writer) by Jamie Oliver, the red mist descends. I disappear into the sort of murderous rage normally associated with Serbian Warlords, or British Prime Ministers seeking a historical legacy through the medium of war. There is just something about that dumb looking mockney cunt that makes me want to punch a hole in my own head.

And hearing Jamie Oliver giving advice about the binge drinking problem in the UK leaves me shaking my head with incredulity. We may as well get Bill Cosby to lecture us on the situation on Iraq. Or Bobby Davro to offer us advice on avoiding recession. Oliver is qualified - barely - to comment on food preparation. Anything else is Oliver over-reaching massively, like a retarded infant reaching for the fireplace.

Now, I'm speaking just for myself here, but I can't help but think that the nation's binge drinking problem might be a much less of an issue if there was some sort of incentive for people to stay in of an evening, rather than going out and getting absolutely shitted on special offer booze. Like, say, something good on the television. Rather than an endless parade of talentless TV chefs like Jamie Oliver patronising viewers into believing they are inferior because they have neither the time not the impetus to spend three hours an evening creating a four course dinner. You know, something like hardcore pornography or midgets fighting each other over a steak dinner might be more fun, more educational and more likely to make people stay in with a cup of tea than the latest half-baked culinary "crusade" from Jamie Oliver.

However, whilst I despise Oliver's inane, idiotic dribblings, I will concede it is not his fault. He talks shite; but that will happen if you give a moron a microphone to spout into and a platform to spout from. No, the reason why I hate Jamie Oliver is what he stands for. He is living, breathing, grinning proof that in this day and age, the idiot with the telegenic smile has somehow become worth listening to. Rather than tutting at, and ignoring. The age of the experts is gone; now the general populace seems happy to take advice from a gurning fool simply because of a very minor celebrity.

We need to move on from this ridiculous age when the likes of Oliver are not only encouraged to pontificate, but have their words reported as newsworthy and something approaching the truth. Because Jamie Oliver is about as qualified as my good self to offer advice on binge drinking. And my advice is very different to that of Oliver - I say get pissed whenever you can. Go on, get on it now. Drink until you are utterly fucked. Go the whole hog, and have a bit of a spew at the end. Oh, and if you listen to me you are just as moronic as if you listen to Oliver's advice on anything other that "tukka" - a total tool.

The reason why I would consign Jamie Oliver to Room 101 (and the Orwellian vision of Room 101, not the tedious British TV show version) is not so much because of his personality - although Lord knows his personality makes my teeth ache and my tear ducts bleed. No, the reason why I despise Oliver is because of what he stands for - in the kingdom of the dumb, the fat tongued TV chef is king.