Party Political Spam

Back in the days when I had an aspiration for this blog to be something more than an occasional outlet for random rants, I signed up to receive regular e-mail updates from the four major political parties. Yep, I said four – the Tories, Nu Labour, the Liberal Democrats and UKIP. I appreciate that many people wouldn’t count UKIP as a main party – hell, some wouldn’t got the Liberal Democrats as a major party – but I wanted a bit more variety than the just the two main parties, and adding UKIP helped maintain the left/right* balance.

The theory was this: by hearing directly what the parties had to say I would have plenty of material to comment on, and some great material to fisk. Needless to say, that didn’t happen. In fact, all that happened was, one by one, I stopped reading the e-mails and, one by one, they were transferred from my inbox to the spam folder.

The first to go were the missives from the Liberal Democrats. The pointless platitudes spouted by that earnest, yet deeply irritating, party – all written against a backdrop of bright, friendly colours that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a kindergarten – were too much to cope with.

Nu Labour’s e-mails were the next to be classed as spam. To be fair, they always looked quite professional but ultimately, they didn’t really seem to say anything. So I guess you could say that they were quite representative of the party it came from. But there are so many times that you can read "Let’s have a conversation about this policy" from a draconian, anti-democratic, arrogant and aloof party before the irony of it all becomes a hideous, stomach churning, anger inducing insult.

The Tories went next. Partly it was because of my disappointment (to use a very neutral term) with the Tories under Cameron, but also because every other letter or e-mail they sent to me was begging for cash. Until we reached the farcical point where the Tories were sending me letters asking me to take part in a lottery within their party. So, on the one hand, I could enter the National Lottery, and potentially win millions. On the other hand, I could enter the Tory lottery, maybe win a couple of thousand, and finance Francis Maude sending out more shite about lotteries to other people. Tough choice, but I think the National Lottery ticket I bought was a better waste of money than the Tory alternative.

Which left UKIP. Their e-mails are generally succinct, easy to read and – whilst the format occasionally fucks with my online e-mail account – not unpleasant on the eye. And yet I can’t be bothered to read them anymore. Why? Because, more often than not, they don’t say anything. Sure, they pass on information, but they don’t really say anything. The problem is that I don’t really care what radio programme Nigel Farage is going to be appearing on. The e-mails have become little more than an overview of the work diary of the UKIP leader. Which, let’s be honest, is hardly the most crucial or exciting of information.

Some people will probably think I was naïve to expect anything other than meaningless tripe from the free e-mails going out to random lists compiled by political parties. But these e-mails are going out to supporters and would-be supporters of these parties. They should be informing their supporters of what the parties believe in and why potential supporters should bite the bullet and join the parties. Instead, they say nothing worth reading.

And it is no wonder that the political parties have little or nothing to say to the public as a whole when they don’t even have anything worth reading for their supporters.

*Not that I believe it is helpful or accurate to talk about left and right in politics anymore. But that is a long post for another day.