Party Funding Gets Silly

Today I got a letter from Francis Maude, Chairman of the Conservative Party. I can tell it came from him,and that he put a lot of time and effort into it, because it is signed with his very own auto signature. And guess what? It is a letter begging for money from me for the Tory party. Ho-hum - your timing, Mr Maude, is not great.

"Dear Member"

the letter begins. Erm, no, sorry, but not anymore. It then goes on to invite me to hoing the "brand new Conservative Weekly Draw." Apparently this is the Tory version of the National Lottery. Presumably with the shitty WebCameron taking the place of the shitty Saturday night lottery show.

The letter goes on to explain why the Tory party needs to fleece yet more money from Tory party members through a piss poor version of bingo with the paragraph:

"The Conservative Party needs to widen its sources of income and not rely like the Labour Party upon a few millionaires or its Trade Union backers. We have therefore introduced this new scheme in order to involve more member and help raise much needed funds to help unlock the door to Number 10 Downing Street."

Uh-huh, the Tory party is just as reliant on millionaires as the Labour Party, as the police questioning Michael Howard over the Cash-For-Peerages scandal proves. Of course, said millionaires would probably be more willing to part with their cash if young "Hug A Husky" Cameron had turned up to the CBI conference...

And how does this thing work? Well, you can pay £1 a week (more if you are stupid enough to do so - sorry - if you want to do so) and each week there will be a draw where someone wins £1,000, and 20 people win a tenner. And then, every quarter, there is a £5,000 draw for regular participants.

Let's do the maths. £1,000 a week, so £52,000 a year. 20 people winning a tenner a week - £200 a week, £10,400 a year. 4 quarterly prizes of £5,000, that is £20,000. £82, 400 a year. Jesus, Maude, you had better hope that a lot of people sign up to this pile of wank or you are going thrust the party into even more debt...

According to the letter I can "take out as many entries" as I wish. Oh, good-o, I plan to take out *precisely* zero. Nada. Squat. The square root of fuck all.

Apparently "David Cameron and his team are relying on (my) support" - well, they are shit out of luck then. And Maude signs of the letter saying "I look forward to hearing from you" - nah, I bet you don't really. Any letter from me, Mr Maude, will describe you as a whore. And your boss as a total cunt.

The Conservative Weekly Draw is tacky and pathetic, a party desperately grasping at money to fund a meaningless lunge at power. And it is probably in bad taste to publicise another low point of the Conservative party. But you know what? Fuck it. After all, Hell hath no fury like a Tory scorned...