Letwin: The Mouth Moves, Nothing Comes Out

On Tuesday evening I attended the annual Bow Group Lecture (with the Devil’s Kitchen and Jackart – Trixy put in an appearance later when we had made the vital journey to the pub), where Oliver Letwin discussed whether the New Blues were the New Reds. And very meaningless it all was too. In fact, I would go so far as to use the really rather unpleasant phrase that it was “all fart and no poo.” Letwin made lots of the right noises, but utterly failed to offer any practicalities. And as the questions he took at the end so categorically proved, he is unwilling to commit to anything unless it is on arsing environmental policies. In fact, I would argue the alcohol fuelled conversation in the pub afterwards was much more useful than anything Letwin said, not least because we came up with a way to deal with Councillor Terry Kelly*.

He began his talk with a sterling defence of Thatcherism – and how Thatcherism negates the question “are the new blues the new reds” because Thatcherism pretty much ended socialism in this country. So far so good. He then acknowledged that Thatcherism did not succeed in one of its aims – namely ending poverty in this country. Also very true – if you look at the mining communities, for example, then you can argue that Thatcherism made poverty worse. So then he focussed his talk on how Blair and Brown has categorically failed to address these problems in spite of cunting (my word rather than his) billions of pounds away on increasing the bureaucracy within this country. However a Conservative government would extend the Thatcherite aspiration to end poverty by enabling people to help each other.

And, to all intents and purposes, that was it. Because when it came to detailing exactly how the Conservative would increase social responsibility within this country, Letwin was found utterly wanting.

There was some logic behind Letwin’s claim that he could not offer concrete policies until he had explained his vision behind those policies. But we need to hear something other than the right platitudes and a touchy-feely vision for Britain. We need something concrete – something to vote for, not just to vote against. The only time Letwin seemed to commit to anything at all was after someone asked him a long, rambling question about the environment – when he name-checked the utterly dis-credited Stern Report and started banging on about carbon credits like a fatter version of David Miliband. His response to DK’s question about how any government can transform British society when so much power has been surrendered to the EU was quite telling – he dodged the question, instead disputing the costs relating to leaving the EU. He did not tell DK he was wrong about the loss of autonomy to the EU, but rather rejected the idea of doing anything proactive about it. It pretty much sums up where Letwin – and the rest of Hug A Husky Cameron’s Conservatives – are when it comes to policy. They are terrified of committing to anything, and instead are determined to make all the right noises and hope no-one notices they actually have nothing useful to say.

It occurred to me towards the end of his talk that the New Blues are not the New Reds. The Reds/lefties/socialists/whatever you want to call the fuckers were hopelessly wrong about almost everything, but they were distinct from the New Blues in one crucial respect. The Reds believed in tangible policies. The New Blues don’t seem to believe in any policies at all.

*The plan was as follows – we find someone who is willing to sleep with Kelly’s no doubt lovely daughter, Rayleen. We thought someone who has unspent criminal convictions and would undertake this mission rather than face a life sentence in prison. Rayleen could then introduce our brave warrior to El Tel – at which point our brave warrior would reveal he is actually a Tory. This should cause Terry’s head to explode like the bloke in Scanners. In the cold, sober(ish) light of day it is not the best plan in the world. But it remains far better than any plans proposed by Letwin at the lecture.