Review of the Year

“And so this is Christmas, and what have you done?” asked the wife beating hippy John Lennon is his simultaneously simpering and preachy Christmas song from 1971. Personally, the answer is “not a lot.” In fact, the sole goal I set myself last year I have totally failed to achieve. Hooray! Go me! So rather than review my own year, which would be dull and pointless, I thought I would cast a caustic eye over the rest of the world. And you know what? This has been a really disappointing year. So much potential for change, and none of it realised.

For the first time, the Tories have managed to gain a respectable, solid lead in the polls and also have had a measure of electoral success. And how have they celebrated that lead? By selling out, and rushing to embrace the policies of the left and the Greens. Magnificent work from Cameron – for the first time the Tory party is in a position to offer and alternative to government and how do they respond? They offer a facsimile of Nu-Labour.

Speaking of Nu-Labour, they had a couple of attempts at change over this year. First up was the aftermath of the Local Elections, when Charlie The Safety Elephant was ditched and John Prescott crippled his party by knobbing his secretary. But nothing really changed – Clarke was replaced by an even more egregious cunt and Prescott was allowed to keep his job, but with the added bonus that he has been stripped of all of his duties. He is being paid for doing fuck all. But there was that wonderful moment over the summer where Labour appeared to go into meltdown – it actually looked like they might ditch Blair and, because of his naked and unseemly ambition during the leadership crisis, Brown might have blown his chances of succeeding Blair. But what was the end result after the dust had settled? Blair still in power, Brown still the presumptive heir to the throne. How disappointing. How dull.

The Lib Dems also had a moment of meltdown at the beginning of the year – with Kennedy finally admitting he was a drunk and resigning under pressure. With Oaten dropping out in the face of an eye-brow raising scandal and the Hughes campaign shooting itself in the foot, it actually looked like the Lib Dems might choose a radical candidate for leader. But no, it was not to be. They went with Ming “The Merciful” Campbell – a man with “Caretaker Leader” written all over him. And Ming’s most memorable moment to date? Being upstaged by Kennedy at the party conference.

Across the pond both houses of Congress went to the Democrats for the first time since 1994. And Bush offered Donny Rumsfeld, the incoherent idiot, up as a sacrificial lamb. But as I warned at the time, not a lot will actually change. Not least because they could lose control of the Senate. Change will come to the US, probably in 2008. But it hasn’t really happened this year.

Over in that massively stable region that is Middle East there was the usual unrest that happens over and over again, but with nothing being resolved. After Ariel Sharon collapsed into what must be brain death, Ehud Olmert took over as leader of Israel. And what happened? An inconclusive war with Lebanon, a Presidential sex scandal, and dire poll ratings. Israel remains as vulnerable and dependent on the US as ever.

Iraq sentenced their famous dictator to death, in what was utterly inevitable since they found him in his little hole. Even when Saddam is finally pushed off this mortal coil with a noose around his neck, nothing will change in Iraq. In fact, the biggest change for Iraq would be purely a semantic one, when the coalition of the willing finally admits that Iraq is mired in a civil war.

The utterly barmy and utterly terrifying Ahmadinejad remains in power in Iran and, despite some losses in the polls and ongoing international pressure, seems intent on becoming a nuclear power. The end result being Iran is not popular with the West. Which is pretty much how things have been since… oooo… 1979.

Speaking of powers looking to go nuclear, North Korea made a bold claim to have made a nuclear weapon. Which led to a couple of terrifying days until it became clear that Kim Jung-Il may well be a big fat liar. North Korea remains isolated from the world and mired in a destructive haze of self-deception so again - where is the change?

So my hope for next year? That some of the potential for change is actually realised. Starting with a new Prime Minister in this country…