Doctor Who: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood

Ah, The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood - I had such high hopes for you prior to broadcast. And you took those hopes and quite simply pissed them away. Because this two part story is, for me, the worst Eleventh Doctor story and the worst Silurian story. Yep, this one is, for me, worse than Warriors of the Deep.

There are two key reasons for this bold statement. The first is that this one is simply too long. The first episode, while aspiring to be atmospheric, is actually just elongated padding. There’s no point in basing your episode around a slow build up to the monster when we already know who the monsters are going to be. It’s a bit like one of those episodes of the old series that would be called something “…of the Daleks”, and then the cliff-hanger to the episode would be the supposed surprise of the Daleks being in it. The second episode is largely boring until the end when Rory is killed for the first time – but even that flash of genius seems bolted on for no real reason. Yeah, the Eleventh Doctor has other ropey stories. But at least Victory of the Daleks (Behold the menace of the fat Daleks!) and The Curse of the Black Spot have the decency to be half the length.

Then there’s the Silurians. Anyone who hasn’t been enthralled by the superb Doctor Who and the Silurians probably sat through this edition of the show wondering what all the fuss is about. Here, they are nothing more than the monster of the week determined to plough through as many monster related clichés as possible. Oh look, there’s the misguided scientist. The angry warrior. The kindly, wise old leader. Is this really Doctor Who or have I stumbled into an unusually half-arsed episode of Star Trek?

Yeah, there are other problems – including the script, which seems to turn plot holes and lapses of logic into an art form. I mean, who would honestly have the slightly chippy kissogram Amy Pond negotiating a peace deal between humanity and the Silurians? And this is probably Smith’s worst performance – although he’s not aided by a script that expects him to use the phrase “squeaky bum time” with a straight face. But what I really resent here is the wasted opportunity to do something interesting with the Silurians – who are genuinely one of the most striking of the Doctor’s adversaries. Every other returning monster to the new series has been reinvented in some way. The Silurians are just made blander than bland in this instalment.

If you want to see a decent modern interpretation of the Silurians, I’d recommend A Good Man Goes To War. Seriously, the limited screen time afforded to just one of that species in that episode does far more for that race than the whole of this two part misfire.

And that’s it for the clunkers. For the next five weeks they’ll be reviews of new Doctor Who stories – and here’s hoping that none of those episodes end up in the Clunkers categories. And after that? Well, I have an idea for another series of Who related posts to bridge the gap between The Wedding of River Song and the Christmas Special… But we’ll have to wait and see.