Phantasm

As part of my ongoing (slightly pointless) commitment to watch as many horror films as I can before I shuffle off this mortal coil, I watched the supposedly acclaimed motion picture Phantasm last night. And at this point, I wish to express my incredulity that there was ever a sequel, let alone three further installments.

I do wonder who rates this film, and whether they saw a different version of the it to me. Because what I saw was little more than an episode of Darkplace without the energetic performances. It was flatly directed, with no attempt to build up scares or an atmosphere of dread. And the script was beyond appalling - the revelation of the piece seemed to be that dead people were being made into dwarves and then sent to another dimension. Which is an idea so bad that it could almost have been scrawled on the back of an envelope by an uninspired feeling and utterly drunk Shaun Hutson.

I don't expect too much from horror movies; really, I honestly don't. Just being mildly diverting would be enough. However, this one didn't achieve that. In fact, it was beyond crappy. Craptacular, if you will. It just didn't seem to really care. And whilst it wasn't the worst horror movie I have ever seen (step forward, The Stink of Flesh) it certainly was one of the most pointless.

Phantasm - not phantastic. If you will pardon the excruciating pun.