The Evil Of The Plastic Carrier Bags

Government is, to a large extent, a question or priorities. A good politician will be able to decide what needs to be done and when. In the UK, today, with everything that is going in this country and elsewhere, the priority, according to our Prime Minister, is carrier bags.

And damn right. What could be more pressing than plastic carrier bags? What the ruddy fuck could be more important? I defy you to come up with even one area that requires government intervention more urgently that those evil, mother fucking plastic carrier bags. Jesus, how have we managed to survive for so long with the ever-present threat of plastic carrier bags hanging over our heads? I confidently predict that this country might - no, scratch that, will - collapse if we don't deal with the blight of carrier bags. Thank fucking Jesus fucking Christ for Gordon Brown. His bold strategy, his visionary approach, his eloquent idle threat of "I want to make clear that if Government compulsion is needed to make the change, we will take the necessary steps" - what a man, what a fucking hero. He is the prince of policy, the very kingpin of cool. We should make 29th February Gordon Brown day*.

Anyone who can listen this sort of half hearted environmental guff or anyone who can even see a picture of Gordon Brown these days without feeling waves of devastating nausea and shame is either a cretin or Hazel Blears. Or both.

*Not least so we only have to celebrate it once every four years. Mind you, the sort of celebration I'm thinking of is not that complimentary to the one-eyed arse wipe who resides in Number 10. It involves putting up effigies of Gordon Brown throughout the land. And instead of burning them, we piss on them. And then chop the gurning effigies into little pieces. Then stuff them into plastic carrier bags. And throw them in the sea.